on the side of the street
sits a young girl, alone
as i go up to her she cries,
"please take me home"
crimson tears stain her otherwise perfect face
her blue eyes are cloudy and sad
i want to comfort her and i wonder why she hurts so bad
so i go gover to her and reach out my hand
but when i touch her she cries
this is dont understand
i wish i could comfort her
and tell her it would he okay
but i cant for she is too afraid
so i go away, to come back another day
and shes still there, that same young girl
the one whose tears stain her face
whos memories haunt her forever
and will never go away
so im forced to leave her in her fright
this sad little girl, the angel of the night
shes the forgotten part of me
sometimes i miss her so
i wish i could bring her back
but shes gone forever
the young, afraid child in me...
2006-12-01 08:25:13 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
okay, just thought i'd add, i'm a 12 year old girl, so take that into consideration lol. and, when i said "crimson tears" i meant tears of blood, in case any one didn't know.
2006-12-01 10:40:04 · update #1
i like it... but if u are trying to rhyme, try to rhyme it every 2 or 4 lines, not here and there however it comes up. other than that, nice poem, and i like the concept. thanks for sharing
2006-12-01 08:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too many cliches:
tear stained face (by the way, what are "crimson" tears? Are they bloody?)
sad and bad... that rhymes; so do fright and night, clever!
Angel of the night and child in me... think of those by yourself?
I don't want to be cruel. But you ought to know.
2006-12-01 16:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by Jack C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Excellent.
2006-12-01 16:26:57 · answer #3 · answered by Emma B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice! Intresting!
2006-12-01 16:27:00 · answer #4 · answered by ♥♥Pro♥♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, it's really deep but you should edit carefully because some of the words are misspelled and for some others, you had chose the wrong word.
beside this little insignificant error, it is a very good poem.
i really like it.
2006-12-01 16:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by lizie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its really good, send it to poetry.com, they give away $1,000 for the best poem and all the poems go into book valuing $65.00 at a store
2006-12-01 16:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by rockonpats 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
10 points for effort.
2006-12-04 09:11:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it
theres an spelling mistake in line 8
2006-12-01 16:28:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Very thought provoking.
2006-12-01 16:48:43 · answer #9 · answered by No Way 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I got bored after the second line
nobody died in it
2006-12-01 16:34:33 · answer #10 · answered by Im a killer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋