my surreal relationship?

Question

I got badly hurt and I have no respect for this individual whatsoever. I do, however, have a beautiful recollection of the day we met. All I'm asking is, is it healthy at all to cherish this in my heart because it's like a fantasy. Not real. Someone who loves you doesn't do certain things under any circumstance.

I just feel like I'm fooling myself the way I think about that one day in August 2 years ago.

It was all a lie anyway.

thanx

Answer 1

Lovely memories can be a great source of joy, whether real or not. At the time it was real to you. Maybe as long as you remind yourself about the lessons you learned later on after it, you can keep it as a positive. You can still see something positive in a person even though he or she deeply hurt you. Even though they did something terrible to you it does not mean they are 100% evil, is what I guess I am trying to say. Keep your good memories just remember to keep them in perspective. Hopefully that makes some sense.

Answer 2

What was the question?

I have great memories of the first years of my marriage, but we grew apart and changed completely. We ended up in a nasty divorce and barely spoke for almost a year afterward (which was difficult because there is a child involved).

Not that it's healthy to dwell in the past but, what's wrong with cherishing memories?

Answer 3

Peolpe focus on the bad too much and not on the good
i have good memories and bad about the same ppl and thogh i dont talk to the person anymore i still think f the good times. it is all part of our lives and makes up who we are so its ok to cherish the memory so long as its not an obsession like you think about it every day all day reliving that moment over and over type thing.

Answer 4

You answered your own question! Fantasies are NEVER good. The best thing to do is break up with this person cuz, he doesn't really love you if he's doing bad things. The real relationship isn't inside your head but what actually goes on. So yeah if you find the right person that really loves you, you won't have to fantasize! :-)

Answer 5

Think of your life as a narrative for a moment. In the story of your life there have been good times and bad times. If you throw out your good times when you try and distance yourself from the bad times all you are doing is robbing yourself of the life's experiences and lessons. You are skewing your narrative away from the truth.

If you accept that you also had good times with this person also leads to healing of the wounds that that you allowed this person to create in your life. I'm not saying to welcome them back into your life, but accepting the truth of what actually happened does lead to forgiveness or, at the very least, a better understanding.

Answer 6

What's wrong with having a nice memory?
Jettison the bad stuff and when you want to relax think of the good stuff in your life. Its very hard to come up with good memories we all seem to dwell on what we should or could have done. But that's life.

Answer 7

Whatever is cherished in the heart is REAL and whatever is cherished in the heart should always be respected.
The Life of the heart is Existence itself.
When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Extract from The Prophet Kahlil Gibran. When I read this book my Life changed-and has never been the same since. I wish you the same blessings.