My boyfriend is being cold,rude and...?

Question

My boyfriend is being cold,rude and mean. Everytime the baby cries and I ask him to help he ignores me. We've slept together a little bit and he complains it's not fun. I ask a simple question like "How are you." And he'll be like. "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME SO MANY QUESTIONS?!?" I say I have to put the baby to sleep. Instead of having sex and he get's mad. He refuses to wash his hands fo put sanitizer on them before touching her so I refuse to let him touch her. He get's all mad. He still wants sex and when we do he complains it isn't fun. HELP!!
I am a stressed 13 year old losing my mind!! Oh and for the people wondering about hand-washing Danity is only a newborn and I do not want her catching anything.

I find this hard to believe. Where are your parents? Is your boyfriend the father of the kid?
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Yes, he is the father and I just moved in with my parents but my boyfriend is here most of the time. All 3 of us live together in the attic.

But he isn't over ALL the time most of the time he goes home. Confusing I know.

My boyfriend is 14.

Answer 1

Are you living with this guy? How old is he? Is there somewhere you can go to get away from him? I think you need to leave his ***. You are 13 years old and in a position that most 25 year olds aren't even in. You need to get out, get help and lose the loser.

Answer 2

Hi... You already know you are too young to have a baby, so you don't need someone else stating the obvious. So, let's deal with what you have. You are a child with a child. There is no getting around that. Since you have not mentioned your boyfriend being arrested for statutory rape of a minor, we can also assume he is also a teenager.

It sounds to me like you need more help with the baby, some partenting classes, and a nap. You are simply stressed. And he is too.

I commend you for keeping your baby. I think you should check out family resources. See about parenting classes. I am not being a smart alec here. There are a lot of good things taught in parenting classes, like how to deal with the stress of a baby. Our son had colic, and I hardly slept for 4 months.
Ask your pediatrician for help. Talk to your parents, ask them what they did when you were a baby. Ask your grandparents. Check your library for books on parenting. Call your church or minister and ask for advice.

At this point you need to take care of you and the baby. Obviously, you should not have been having sex at your age. So if sex is all your bf wants, he can go elsewhere if he will not take the responsiblity of having sex with you. Since he is not the bread winner or supporting you, and you have a roof over your head, he is not your highest priority right now. You and your baby are. If he won't wash his hands, he probably won't take other precautions with the baby either, and should not have those priviledges.

Hang in there!

Answer 3

Oh my gosh...I have a thirteen year old daughter and I just got this horrible ball in stomach. I am not here to judge you, and I'm sure you have enough on your plate...but honestly the last thing you need to do be doing right now is worrying about your boyfriend's sexual needs. And if your baby is truly a newborn, you shouldn't be having sex at all. If you are living together, (I'm wondering where your parents are) then he absolutley needs to be helping you with the baby. And that means every single thing the baby needs. If he refuses to do that, than he has no business being a father. if he is your age, than it makes sense that he's being so selfish and immature...if he is older than you, then he never should have had sex with a 13 year old in the first place.

Look honey...You are paying for mistakes you made, and I"m sure if you are feeling alone and mistreated, then this may not have helped a whole lot. But please put that baby first, and raise it right. With loving parents. For your sake...and for hers.

Answer 4

MY GOD! Ok, well I'm sure you've heard the whole your so young deal, but there is a baby here now so here's the deal ... at 14 a boy is exactly that .... a boy, he will not behave like a man and he can't pretend to be an adult either. You have a child together but in his eyes, your baby is about as meaningful a new sibling. Sure he'll love Danity and want to play with her, but he will not feel the need to be a father to her. As for still having sex ... it's entirely your choice, but you should think about it ... you're 13 and look at what kind of situation sex has led to. Sure your baby is a gift from God, but this kind of gift comes with lots of responsibility and you have gotten yourself into enough responsibility to last you until you are in your 20's. I'm 24 now and 9wks preg with my 1st (and in a stable relationship), and I made it a choice to not have sex until I was 18, it was a great choice because I got through HS without ever having to deal with the whole "what if i get pregnant" drama. Being a teenager comes with enough stress as it is, there is no need to take on the stress of motherhood too, you know what i mean? You have a child now, but please think about waiting a bit so at least you don't end up with 2 bundles of responsibility before you're even old enough to vote and i guarantee your BF will be of no help if a 2nd child comes along. You should think about the negative influence he is going to have on your child because he is stressing you and doesn't even care enough to make sure his hands are clean before playing with the child. You need no extra stress in your life right now ... a baby is enough. So although he should be allowed to see the child, you might want to think about ending your "relationship" status until you've settled into your roll as a mom and maybe he matures a bit. You have to be a mom 24hrs-7days a week ... he still gets to go home to his house and play video games ... you are just not on the same wavelenght.

Answer 5

Get rid of him, focus on your baby, finish school and better yourself so you can raise your child. The more you can do to help yourself the more other people will be willing to help you. Really sit down and consider how you feel about this boy and if you can see him being a part of both your lives in 2 years, after he has a drivers license. If you cant picture him there then you dont need to be with him now. Do what you need to do to determine paternity (for your babies sake) and to better yourself. Once he is working you'll be entitled to child support, and if he wants to make sure you allow him to be a part of this childs life, a baby needs 2 parents, even if they are just kids. You're 13 years old and your life will never be the same again, life isn't about what you or he wants any more, its about what your baby needs. Take it from someone whos been there and ignore all the people who are telling you how dumb you were or what a mistake you made and focus on th future for the 2 of you, and remember to thank your parents for loving you, if you are living with them you already have a lot more help than other girls in your position.

Answer 6

13 and 14, with a newborn. That just boggles my mind, anyway sounds to me like you both should take some parenting classes. He is to immature to be a father and is acting, well, his age. That is no longer a good excuse though because he helped to make the child he needs to act like a parent. You have your parents showing you what to do, where are his roll models, it is a hard thing to admit, but he needs somebody to show him what is expected of him. Who does he talk to about his problems (14 with a kid, he has them). As far as the hand washing and sanitizing, yes it would be nice especially for a newborn, however if your boyfriend is not sick and is normally a clean person it wouldn't hurt her to be able to be touched by her father (by you not letting him touch her, you are sending a message that he isn't good enough for her, downplaying the role that he should be playing in her life). Kids are going to pick up germs through the air as well as a million other places, and you can only protect her for so long, outside of putting her in a bubble, there isn't a whole lot you can do about that. Best of luck to you sweetie, you have a long road ahead of you.

Answer 7

To all of the answerers.....if she's actually 13, has a baby and a boyfriend who's a jerk....telling her how crazy she isn't exactly going to help her. Giving her advice on the fact that she's too young is pointless because she's already there.

To the asker - if you're 13 and have a baby and your bf is being a jerk then my heart goes out to you. I was 20 when I had my first baby and that was hard enough. You seem really mature and intelligent for 13 so I think you probably already know that this guy isn't good enough for you. Find the strength that's inside of you and don't let anything get in the way of that. If nothing else, your baby deserves a mom who doesn't take crap from anyone - teach your baby by example - you need to be everything you want THEM to be when they're grown.

You can do this, and don't let anyone discourage you.

Answer 8

Wow- here's the deal: I'm assuming your boyfriend is about your same age, and I don't know a teenage boy alive who's emotionally ready to be a father. He is probably so freaked out right now about everything, and no offense, but he's probably feeling really trapped and resentful about his whole situation. Don't get me wrong, it takes two to tango, as they say, and he is definitely just as responsible for this baby's existence as you are, but he is just a child himself still and he's having a hard time processing all these changes in his life.
As for sex, maybe he subconsciously is afraid of what will happen if you do it more often, since that's how you got pregnant in the first place. He may be worried that it could happen again and he could be the father of 2 kids before he's even out of high school. I know it probably feels like you're shouldering the burden all by yourself, but believe me, he's definitely been through the mill by all of this too. If you want him to get more involved with the baby, you need to ease up on your rules about sanitizer, etc. (I know you're worried about germs, but I promise she'll be OK) so that he can interact with her without feeling like you're bossing him around about his own daughter. It's important that he bond with her so he can feel as strong an emotional connection to her as you do. Please try to give him the benefit of the doubt: this is a huge thing to deal with when you're so young. I admire your strength and courage and wish you and your little family the best of luck.

Answer 9

God Love you child & that baby. This is a pile of responsibility for a grown woman how is a 13 to copy. Your first responsibility is to the welfare of the baby.As a mother the childs safety & well being is yours. I'm glad you are back with your parents & have their help & support. This father- boyfriend is a problem. If your mother is there, sit down & tell her what you just told us. Trust me she is smarter then you think. You need to make some serious choices in this situation. If not you will be 14 yrs old with another baby. There needs to be a future for you. That means getting back to school so you can make one for yourself & this baby. Go to her & have a talk.

Answer 10

I am proud that you took the responsibility of having the baby. I am disgusted that you're parents didn't know what you were doing when you got pregnant, but that's not your fault. Sweetie, he sounds like he is just too young. You realize things now being a mother I bet, but remember he doesn't have those instincts like you do. Maybe take a break, focus on the baby and school for a while and see what happens. Statics say that 90% of "couples" at your age never make the relationship work into adulthood, so I doubt it will last anyways. Just take time for you and your baby. Forget him and everything he thinks!

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!

Answer 11

Its very sad that you are so young and got pregnant when you were 12. Its even sadder that you are 13 years old and are having a stressful life that adults who have been married for years are having.
This is not going to change for you by posting a question on a message board. You are responsible for this baby and even if you are young you are alot more mature than your boyfriend is.
Your boyfriend is cold and rude because you are giving him what he wants. This is what spoiled brats will do when they dont get their way.
If I were you, if you arent having any help with your situation is sit that boy down and tell him what he is doing is making you feel horrible and if he doesnt change, you will change things.
I also hate to break this to you but him telling you sex is no fun is a red flag that you are not going to be the only one hes going to be doing it with soon.
You are much much much to young to be a mother and that makes me wonder if you yourself have a mother.
You are even way to young to be acting like a wife. I know youve been told this before Im sure you have but start changing things for the better for yourself and that little baby that will be getting older soon and should have a loving family not arrguing all the time.