I am married for 13yrs togeather for 22 and having alot of emotional problems with myself ( I am a 36 yr old female,I am bi-polar and have pannic attacts, high blood pressure,and irregullar heart beat). I have a problem with dealing with things that are bothering me. I know that if I mention this it will cause a fight, however not talking about it is causing sever anxity and pannic attacts. This has to do with sex and with me being the one not to get how do you put this? "taken care of." I have been told to give him a few miniutes witch dosent EVER happen or to just take care of it myself, how romantic!
last time that I had said anything he just laughed at me saying "look at you mad over sex! not to mention that it was my birthday. This last time really hurt my feelings and brought back memories of being hurt.
So my question is do you say something and have it out (fight verbal putdowns and so on) or do I not say anything and keep taking xanax?? by the way they dont help me much!
2006-12-01 06:24:39 · 40 answers · asked by ohdarnitsmeagain 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello there,
You've got your self in a bit of a bind. It sounds like this isn't anything knew but has been going on since you've been involved with your husband.
The longer something has been a routine the harder it is to change. People have to want to change.
Approaching the subject incorrectly with your husband can either make him ejaculate even sooner or make him impotent.
The problem isn't necessarily always the man's. I've been with women that had orgasms quite quickly and some with multiple ones. I've also have had the occasion to be with a couple of women who took half the night.
If you're on meds you are probably seeing a doctor. Maybe that's the place to proceed. You need a third party to talk to you both ... perhaps not the doctor but he can recommend someone.
The third person will ask you what and how long you need ...than work with your husband to set new goals. Again he has to want to change. Perhaps the whole foundation of you relationship needs to change.
2006-12-01 06:48:47 · answer #1 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i can see that your husband is like many others(not all of them) that only cares about getting off himself.This can cause a woman to feel frustrated. As far as getting yourself off this would only be a little sexual relief. He is being selfish and cruel to laugh at you -how would he feel if he wanted to and you said; "Darling i have decided that you are right and that i should not even care about sex any more so dear i will not bother you about me not getting any relief anymore and i will sleep alone!" Why just go around be frustrated? You may want to get a divorce and move on to someone who can give you what you need. A 36 year old woman should still be cuddled loved and sexually satisfied. A good man can be good for you but a sorry one can be like poison. Dump him and find someone else before he does any more damage to you. Avoid any fights or asking for his concern see a counselor and make plans to leave him. Don't feel like you have to satisfy him either.
2006-12-01 06:43:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
None of the answers above are adequate. This is a serious problem. How would your Husband feel if it was the other way around? You say that he said you got mad. Maybe you need to talk to him about how it makes you feel. Do this not during or after you have had sex. And definitly not while you are still upset about what has just happened. Maybe over dinner. Explain to him that you do what you can to satisfy him and that he should also be concerned about satisfying you. If this does not help maybe suggest counsling. GOOD LUCK!!
2006-12-01 06:41:00 · answer #3 · answered by SNKBYT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like sexual discrepancy is a common affliction for couples.
I would hope that after 22 years of intimacy with a person, they would be more receptive to your needs, but obviously he is not. If you feel like your issues are not getting addressed you need to find out a way to make him pay attention. I know you are worried about having a fight, but maybe a fight is what the two of you need to rekindle some passion.
I think that after so long he is beginning to see you as part of the furniture and you need to start speaking up for yourself. Don't let him wave you off with platitudes, you deserve to be fulfilled especially on your birthday. Perhaps you can withold something of your own, dinner perhaps or laundry or anything and use that as a lever to at least get him to spend some time down south.
Also remember that it is all well and good to complain about the romance being gone, but it is a two-way street. Maybe you need to work on setting the right mood. Try setting up romantic interludes instead of just waiting for them. Take him out to dinner or on walks. It isn't always the guy who needs to make a few moves!
2006-12-01 06:32:15 · answer #4 · answered by QuestionWyrm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U need to talk to your husband about what is bothering u. Communication is a key factor in a relationship.. Maybe also getting some therapy will help u as well.. Not talking about it isnt good. U will let it build up inside and when u do let it out it will cause an argument which u said u dont wanna do.. Good luck to u and take care of yourself..
2006-12-01 06:31:37 · answer #5 · answered by blue eyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is more than just not reaching th e"Big O." Your problem is him. From what you wrote, he comes off as being an abusive person, not necessarily physically, but definitely emotional. The suggestion o f a therapist is a good one, although I think they would suggest you see a marriagae counselor, which is what I would recommend. 13 years is a while, but at only 36, do you want to live like this for the rest of your life?
2006-12-01 06:30:23 · answer #6 · answered by boredperv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'd suggest taking a step back and look at it from a different perspective. Try to clear your mind of all the negative thoughts and work on YOUR positive outlook. Work on you FOR you and whatever you do: DON'T USE YOUR EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS AS A CRUTCH. Fix you and your mindset. Other things will come with it. Experience nature. A good book for this type of thing is written by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Look into it.
2006-12-01 06:35:05 · answer #7 · answered by ratdog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to let it out. Don't bottle it up and make yourself sick.
Why are you with someone who doesn't want to please you? Someone who puts you down? Has he always been like this? Maybe he has trouble controlling his orgasm. Does he/will he perform cunnelingus? Maybe he'd be willing to use a vibrator on you if he finds it difficult to bring you to climax?
You need to first address your self-esteem and inner strength. I think you need to separate. Not necessarily divorce, but separate until you can get yourself mentally stable. From the sound of this guy, you may need to move in with relatives so that you can be protected.
I say that you need this because you need to get your head into a place where there's no question that you deserve better than this, and that you would rather be alone and healthy than with someone who doesn't care about your sexual satisfaction.
2006-12-01 06:33:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing as you have been together for a long time...I think you should sit down and talk to him. He obviously loves you. And there is a whole bunch of new things you guys can do to spice it up a little. Make sure you tell him that you still love him. But, you just need a little more excitment. He's your husband of 13 yrs. He'll probably stand by you on this.
2006-12-01 06:30:53 · answer #9 · answered by Felicia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fighting about sex will not make it happen. Does he have"ED" or just "really quick" in the finishing phase. Is it kind of like, the ball game is over before you get to the ball park? IF you really love this guy, and he treats you well in other parts of the marriage, provides for you and your family, do what you have to do to satisfy yourself. If you step outside the marriage for satisfaction, it will ruin your relationship. You do have a problem!
2006-12-01 06:32:40 · answer #10 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋