In the season of death and suffering,
Where no hope seems alive.
I look to the horizon, not far away,
Where the winter sunset lives.
Melting the cold white chilling ice,
From the bleak and colourless sky.
Shining like the light of an angel,
Blessing each soul winter's killed.
When no laugh or cheer is heard at this time,
I look up to that sunset.
For it's the heaven of each dead memory,
Of each summer I have lived.
So when there's no hope in a shivering winter,
That sunset is your saviour.
For when i see it I know, a Joyful summer,
Is just another sky away.
2006-12-01 05:55:53 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Yes. I would leave out "At this time" in the 3rd par. 1st line, and "that sunset" in the 2nd line.
4th paragraph 2nd line should be "my" saviour.
I like your point of view and content very much!
2006-12-01 06:06:59 · answer #1 · answered by gg 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't you just love the people that judge you on what you write? aka, if you write depressing, then you are depressed. lol. i loved it though, no matter what the other people say. i love how you used the winter and summer metaphor, and the fact that it IS about winter and summer at the same time. love the imagery and the symbolism and all that jazz. really inspiring and what sold it for me was your ending. "So when there's no hope in a shivering winter, that sunset is your saviour, for when i see it I know, a joyful summer" that part was okay, but the last line "is just another sky away." was like the hallelujah chorus of the poem.
2006-12-01 17:56:54 · answer #2 · answered by Christina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see you're not fond of winter! I liked the concept of relating your desire to see the next summer and yearning for that season. Yet, some lines seemed forced and unbalanced. I enjoyed the images it entails.
2006-12-01 14:07:37 · answer #3 · answered by solomonfever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why everyone keeps saying this is depressing, it's a poem about the joy of looking forward or back to a happier time, i.e. Summer. I like it a lot, are you the author?
2006-12-01 14:07:13 · answer #4 · answered by tiffanyrpunk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really good. I've been writing poetry for many years and you have talent.
Don't listen to these people that think this is depressing. Depressing sells. Depressing is what gets people in their hearts and connects them with their emotions.
FP
2006-12-01 14:08:38 · answer #5 · answered by F. Perdurabo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great topic and nice ideas. Needs some work. The words don't seem to "flow". I do really like what you are saying though.
2006-12-01 15:13:58 · answer #6 · answered by Yomi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel bad for you. It sounds like you need a real savior. Your not a bad writer, you just need god in your life so you can use your gift to inspire people in a way that's not so dark sounding.
2006-12-01 15:40:48 · answer #7 · answered by jestnot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's wonderfully written, inspiring, and shows optimism for the future.
2006-12-01 14:06:19 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a beautiful poem
2006-12-01 14:07:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wonderful...life can be tough..better not to ignore it...everything needs some work, at least you accomplished this
2006-12-01 13:59:23 · answer #10 · answered by ................................ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋