We have a eight month old baby too. When we do have sex I have to initiate it. He says he doesn't masterbate very often - that he just doesn't think about sex because of all the other stuff we have going on. I don't know what to think anymore. He says he loves me, but I feel neglected. Isn't it important to have intimacy/sex? I'm a stay at home mom that also works on the business that we started together. I feel like he spends so much time thinking about the business and only about me when I make a fuss or when it is convienient for him. He says he doesn't take me for granted. I'm thinking of leaving. I'm sad. Can anyone shed some light on my situation? Can it be better?
2006-12-01 05:49:47 · 24 answers · asked by no bull 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Contrary to what many people think, there are many couples where the woman needs sex more than the male. So it isn't totally weird that he's slacking. However, I feel the problem isn't the lack of sex in your relationship, as much as the lack of satisfaction amongst the two of you. It is true that sometimes life can be so overwhelming that sex seems like a chore. Try not to get frustrated, I know it's a vulnerable time for you, but relationships take effort. You are both constantly changing. Right now you feel like you have a new baby and you and your hubby should be even closer- he may see the baby as a blessing with a million responsibilities (and bills) attached. I recommend that you find someone to watch your little one night for a few hours. While he's at work make (or buy :) ) a nice meal, set the eating area pretty, and surprise him in a cute outfit just for him. Spice things up with some candles and stuff. After a romantic evening, discuss some things that he does or has done or could DO to make you feel special (no griping or whining though!) and compliment him too. I think you 2 just need some alone time. You have a beautiful baby, so he flame was there at some point, right? I think you just need to re-ignite it! Intimacy IS important, but you both have to be there physically AND emotionaly... maybe he just needs a little guidance!
Good luck and best wishes.
2006-12-01 06:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by Karla Y 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is called biology. And it goes back about 100 million years. He has done his part and biologically he has no more interest in the situation. As bad as that sounds it really is the case. There are millions of sexless marriages out there - which has nothing to do with love. He may still love you and want to stay with you, but love and sex have very little to do with one another. You can go to a councilor and they will tell you to create fantasies for him. It might work, for a night or 2 and then you are back where you started from. It may not be your thing, but there is a reason that divorce is 50-60 percent except among swingers where it is 5-8 percent. If it comes to that, look into your local swingers group, ask questions and think about it. But beware. It will strengthen a good marriage but destroy a bad marriage.
2006-12-01 14:42:01 · answer #2 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and let him know how you feel and tell him you need to work on a new game plan because you are feeling left out and unwanted.
Perhaps if you take more interest in the business, afterall its your other baby too. Make plans to do things as a family and also with just the two of you.
Maybe have a family night where from 6 on nothing but you, him, and the baby. Where you watch a movie while snuggled on the couch or whatever. Maybe a Tuesday of Wednesday.
Don't sit and cry wondering....take action before you loose your family.
2006-12-01 13:54:03 · answer #3 · answered by Lotus Phoenix 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stress is the biggest killer of sex drive. Don't leave. He is just feeling the awesome responsibility of starting a business and a family at the same time. Get a sitter and spend some time together. If cash is an issue, make time to take a walk together, sit in the park. Just talk. About anything. Anything at all. Time off of work is as important as time on. He needs you to show him that balance. Do that, and great sex is on it's way.
Good luck.
2006-12-01 13:53:27 · answer #4 · answered by donewiththismess 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not your fault.
Us men sometimes do get very stressed out and that effects us sex drives, it's not an insult or a slight against you as a woman just a biological fact. From what I have heard, the business, the young baby, it is stress. Stress effects men's libidoes. It's good for you to talk with him, to work this out. He needs to relax a bit (but it's understandable for him to want to work hard to provide for his new family, can't be blamed for that)
He might be taking you a little for granted, don't get me wrong, that isn't nessasily bad or that he's doing it on purpose. Men just get distracted and unfortunately the really important things do get missed. Again, talk with him, tell him how you feel and work together to make sure that it doesn't happen.
Good Luck
2006-12-01 14:10:55 · answer #5 · answered by Karce 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god are we living the same life or what?????
Honestly I could have wrote all of that, except for your son being 8 months, my sons only 6 months.
I reckon the stress, tiredness and everything else has caused a dip in his libido. What also can cause it is drink, smoking, recreational drugs, antidepresants and a diet low in zinc.
My husband has been like this for a while now and it's got no better.
It makes me feel so ugly & fat, (though I'm not, I'm a UK size 10 and I use to be a model), the rejection hurts soooo bad.
I recently accused my husband of having an affair because of this, I don't know what the answer is babe. But it's probably not you, nor is it me, it's them.
I even thought that he might be gay at one time
If it helps at all, I'm thinking of leaving too, my heart hurts so much it is aching.
I bought some tablets from the health food shop to higher his libido but he wouldn't take them, so what else can you do???
If you find a solution, let me know
Nice to know there is someone else going through the same as me anyhow
Take care
x
2006-12-01 14:13:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not alone. According to Oprah, 20 million Americans are living in sexless marriages. The fault is neither yours nor his. I know that when I am worried or stressed out, my appetite and sex drive drop. That is why it is important that you both work to eliminate the root of the problem: make your business less stressful (I also work from home in a small business). You both need to talk and try to not get consumed by your business. It is important to keep that balance. Leaving him is not the solution particularly because you just had a child.
2006-12-01 13:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Starting a new business is a very stressfull thing..trust me I know...
Don't leave him...I'm sure he loves you and I bet it's exactly how he says it is..stressfull.
things will get better...the more stable the business becomes the more he will return to his normal self.
wait it out and be supportive and involved with the business seeing you said you both started it together.
I know taking care of a baby is stressfull enough in its own right but if you both incorporate taking care of the baby and the business together alot of stress will be relieved from both of you.
this is the time to stick by each other and work for your future and that of the babys.
I wish the two of you all the luck in the world.
2006-12-01 13:59:34 · answer #8 · answered by chefzilla65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Providing financially is very important to your husband (or men in general). Work causes them a lot of stress. Men aren't naturally emotional creatures, they just weren't created that way. Read "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn and "Love & Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. Both books will give you a lot of insight into your husband's mind. Men do not think the same way women do, they have different needs and thought processes. Don't leave your husband, only if it is an absolute last resort or if he starts cheating or becoming abusive. Just learn how to communicate better. Don't be afraid to seek marital counseling, either.
2006-12-01 13:54:44 · answer #9 · answered by amylynn25 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he is stressed out over the baby and may (subconsciously) feel that baby is getting all the attention.
Sex is important, because it allows you to both connect, not only on a physical level, but a spiritua;l and emptional level.
If you can get him at home for 20 or so minutes, you both need to approach this problem and break it down so you don't split up
2006-12-01 13:52:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋