Plz. Help! I'm 21 and 10 weeks pregnant. He was decided right away without even thinking about it, he wants an abortion because he says he's not mature enough, we should wait until we are ready, we both have really good jobs right now, but he is scared he might lose the chance to own his fathers business in the near future, he makes just about all of our decisions and he is a smart person! He is scared of what his parents will think! Resently he has been saying this is how its going to be or you can be a single mom! I dream of having the perfect family, I love him and dont want to leave him but everyday I wake up and want to run from the situation, always the easy thing to do but this time wherever I go the situation comes with me, I dont want to go through life thinking I made the wrong decision, I'm not a strong person, I know this will hurt me emotionally forever, he will never understand that! I just want to do the right thing! Not much time, Plz help! Thanks!!!!
2006-12-01 05:39:42 · 66 answers · asked by L Mac 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
When making life-altering decisions like this, it's important to take all views into consideration. Your boyfriend is clearly NOT doing that - he's concerned only with himself. He worries that he's not ready, that his parents will be disappointed, that he won't get a promotion - he's showing no concern for you, or for the baby. The fact is, if you're not ready to have a baby, you're not ready to have sex - there is always a risk of pregnancy.
If YOU don't think you're ready to be a mom, there are options outside of abortion. You can contact adoption agencies around you and make another couple's dreams come true. Or you can raise the baby yourself. You said you have a good job, which is a good place to start. You'll need a strong support system (like family and friends) - especially if he's planning to bail. And there's no guarantee that he will... some men change their minds once they see the little boy or girl.
Based on what you've said here, it doesn't sound like YOU want an abortion, and so I would say don't do it. You can always put the baby up for adoption if you change your mind about being a mom, but you can't change your mind after an abortion. Be strong, have faith in yourself, and know that if he's a good man, he'll stay with you through this and understand your choice. And if he doesn't, then he's not a father - and certainly not a good boyfriend!
Good luck!
2006-12-01 05:51:04 · answer #1 · answered by kara_wing 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi i was in the same situation a few weeks ago and im now 23 weeks pregnant im 21 i had an appointment for an abortion but couldnt go through with it.I really wanted to keep my baby but boyfriend didnt then i realised that it was my choice my baby and noone was going to tell me what to do.This is the most presious thing thats happend to me and when i feel my baby move i know i made the right desicion.I couldnt have lived with my self if i did. Do what i did get rid of this selfish boyfriend this is a little life that depends on you it will be tough being a single mum but i can assure you it will be even tougher if you decide to abort.i wish you all the luck in the world as i know you have a very hard decision to make if you need to talk my msn addy is lisa.rankin2@hotmail.co.uk good luck again x x x
2006-12-01 08:17:18 · answer #2 · answered by very proud mummy :) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you decide is going to hurt you. He is giving you an ultimatum - him or the baby. You say you love him - does he love you as much? You are thinking about having a termination to keep this man in your life so you must love him a lot, but it doesn't sound like he's taking your feelings into consideration on this if he's telling you what to do. This decision is solely yours and he cannot make you do this if you don't want to. Being a parent is a wonderful,scary,amazing and beautiful experience. It is also for life - unlike a partner who could leave you.
You can get counselling to help you decide the best course of action for you but you have to do it soon as you are already 2 and a half months pregnant. Would your partner consider going to counselling with you? I think in your heart you don't want to abort but you are scared of a life without your partner, especially if up til now he's made all the decisions for you both. I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you - do what feels right for you and if he doesn't understand that then he's not worth your love. I feel from what you wrote you are a very loving person and its a shame to waste it on someone who doesn't appreciate it.
2006-12-01 06:05:23 · answer #3 · answered by Lost and found 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK...you asked, so I'll be straight up with you - it doesn't matter how much you love this clown, you need to leave him and the sooner the better.
He's 21 and scared of what his mommy and daddy will think? That's sad. And trying to bully you into getting an abortion? Well, that's just pathetic, plain and simple. Seriously, think about it - if he's behaving like this now, how long do you think it will be before he cuts you off from your friends and family and/or starts physically abusing you?
I'm not saying you shouldn't get an abortion. I'm not saying you should. What I'm saying is that if this guy really loved you, he wouldn't give you an ultimatum. If he honestly didn't think he was mature enough to be a parent, he shouldn't have been having unprotected sex with you. And if you were using birth control and using it correctly and you still got pregnant, well, maybe this child is just meant to be.
Don't let him force you into anything you aren't comfortable with. And don't sell yourself short. I have a feeling you're stronger than you think you are.
Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.
2006-12-01 06:03:52 · answer #4 · answered by Tish 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation a few years ago. My boyfriend (now husband) wanted me to have an abortion. I was 18 and he was 22. His family told me I should have an abortion. I had doubts and kept going back and forth. I even had the appointment made. Then I decided out of nowhere I wasn't going through with it. My Aunt said to me if you're having doubts then don't do it and I'm so thankful I didn't. We now have a 20 month old little girl, got married and our families absolutely love our baby girl. It was very hard, he also told me he was going to leave me if I didn't have an abortion, then when I didn't have an abortion he was going to leave me if I didn't give her up for adoption. My advice for you is don't listen to anything else but your heart. Don't make any decisions until you are 100% sure that is what you want to do. If you feel you aren't ready for a child and don't want to have an abortion there is always adoption. Your families might be upset that you got pregnant but they will get over it and they will love that baby and if you decide for adoption they will be just as proud of you for making such a hard decision. Take care and good luck with whatever decision you choose!
2006-12-01 06:00:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but your boyfriend is a tool. I am 23 years old and my girlfriend is 25. We have been dating for nearly two years now and living together for about 75% of that time. I would be perfectly happy with 3-4 times per week, but as it is my girlfriend is only up for it about 1-2 times per week. Sometimes it gets stressful, but I understand she is how she is and I would never want to pressure her into having sex just because I want it more. I love and respect her too much to treat her like that. You ask why you don't want sex as much as you should at your age, but who's to say whether or not that's even true? There is no such thing an average sex drive. Everyone is different. There is no right or wrong. You shouldn't feel wrong or guilty for feeling the way you do. He should be more understanding. Best of luck.
2016-05-23 08:08:23 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is bullying you. He has convinced you he is smart, in line for an inheritance, etc. Its your body and your decision. Many women younger and older than you have been left on their own after the 'boy' wimps out. There is never usually a right time or situation to start a family. If he is so scared of his parents and what they will think how come you are now pregnant? Yes it takes two but he could have covered up the 'family jewels' and you would not be in this dilemma. Is there anyone you can talk to - your mum, best friend or an aunt? This is really too important to decide on yahoo answers. I hope you get this sorted out one way or the other and good luck to you, whatever you decide.
2006-12-01 05:50:24 · answer #7 · answered by DeeDee 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't have an abortion for somebody else - YOU are the one who will have that with you for the rest of your life! Have you considered adoption? They have open adoption where you can pick the family you want to raise your child and also stay in contact with them. I was a Nanny for a long time for a family who adopted 3 children that way. Those kids are SO happy!! If this guy would 'force' you to have an abortion then you do not need to be with him. You have an unborn life to think about now as well as your emotions for the rest of your life. If you go through with the abortion against your will then you will end up not being with this guy due to the resentment you will have towards him So sounds like all you need to decide is if you'll raise the baby yourself or maybe choose adoption. Also, once this baby is born the dad will more then likely fall in love with it and so will the rest of the family.
2006-12-01 05:44:50 · answer #8 · answered by Scorpio 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is, I believe, more your decision than his.
I'm so sorry you are in a place between choosing your man or your child...but from what you've said this man is a bit of a control freak and there is a good chance you might outgrow putting up with that.
Anyhow, he's being so incredibly SELFISH only thinking about himself and how the baby will affect HIM...nothing about you or the baby at all. He's not even considering that you can make the decision or should be a part of it.
Decide if you want the child- if the answer is yes, go with your heart. But make the decision independently of him.
2006-12-01 05:52:30 · answer #9 · answered by sempurvivum 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your situation. He made it pretty clear - it is him or the baby. It seems like you are thinking should you gamble on a chance of him changing his mind. But don't think in that direction. You have no way of knowing. Think: either single mom or abortion. Keep in mind that it is not granted that he will be with you anyway - that's along the lines of perfect family... It seems like this guy is putting his job first, not putting his family first. "There is no mistakes in life, there are only opportunitiers to learn". Whatever you do, you will be OK - you are young and youth is power. There are other men, and it is possible to get pregnant again. Not all is lost.
You say you are not strong. But your BF doesn't sound like a strong man either. You say he's scared of what his parents will think. Well, did his parents give him permission to have sex? If yes - they are adult enough to know what can happen. Stong man would have accepted the consequences of his actions, would try to look for other solution, like babysitting and so on. Why is he so scared, anyway? You'll be the one who's pregnant and giving birth. He is simply immature and he's telling it to you pretty straight.
2006-12-01 05:46:47 · answer #10 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋