I am 32, my husband will be 30 in Feb. I have a daughter who is 14. My husband & I have been married 7 years and have no children together. He ha raised my daughter & is an amazing dad. When he was 22 he had a vasectomy because we thought we would never want another child. Well, the reversal is scheduled for next week & I am having second thoughts. I know he would like to have a baby but he is mainly doing it for me. He would prefer us being "free" in a few years but will gladly do the baby thing for me. He said he would enjoy it but he's about 50/50 on the idea. I wanted it more than anything but knowing he does not feel the same way I think we should not have the reversal. If we are both not 100% for should we do it? I know he would make a great dad, he has been for my daughter. I know I'm lucky he is happy w/ just the 2 of us, should I let the baby thing go?
2006-12-01 05:24:44 · 18 answers · asked by ptolemie 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
You are both not 100 % for it, so definitely let it go.
2006-12-01 05:26:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let him get the reversal.
It doesn't mean you have to try to get pregnant right now. It just means you have that option if you choose to act on it.
Talk to him. It sounds like you have a great relationship.
Wait until you are absolutely ready for a new baby before you get pregnant again. Nothing is worse that harboring bad feelings toward an innocent child. (even without intending to)
You are still young. You have lots of time. You don't have to rush this. Who says you can't wait a couple more years is you want? If you decide to get pregnant sometimes next year and have the baby in 2008, you'll be only be 49 when he or she has graduated high school. He'll only be 47. Then you'd have a lot of years ahead of you on your own. If you wait until your daughter graduates high school, you'll probably develop empty nest syndrome. You'll only be 35! Still plenty of time to have another one if you want to.
Some very good friends of mine had both been in previous marriages with children. They had two more (one girl and then one boy) together after all of the other children were grown and gone. They don't have any regrets. She is 43 and he is 51. The kids are 11 and 9. They still have the energy to chase them and have the wisdom to make things go a lot smoother this time around.
If you choose not to have anymore children, that's o.k. too. There isn't a quota we all have to meet! You do what is best for your family.
Something else to think about...men sometimes realize a little bit later in life that they want to leave behind a little bit of themselves, someone to carry on their name. He might suddenly bit hit with baby bug in a couple of years and be begging you to have another!
Whatever you do...just be sure it's what you want. You can't take it back.
2006-12-01 13:37:36 · answer #2 · answered by soccermomw3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was a 33 year old single mom who met a 39 year old bachelor with no kids. He ended up being a great dad and we got married. He made it clear that he really didn't want any kids of his own, but he loved my daughter. He later said he would have a baby with me if I wanted one, but I decided against it.
It is just too big of a risk to go for it and have there be any resentment of any kind under the surface,(not that your husband would, but it could come up in the middle of a long night with a crying baby or an arguement about the baby). I would feel totally blessed that he stepped up and was there for you and your daughter and not press the issue. Besides, you have some time left...you are only 32! Why not give it a few more years and see how things shake out.
2006-12-01 13:33:32 · answer #3 · answered by Agent99 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as though you are married to a wonderful man. To be willing to go through a vasectomy reversal for you proves how much he loves. you. However, to answer your question, I would have to know what your finances are. Will you be able to stay at home with the baby? Will the baby add a lot of stress to your lives because you are both working? I think he will be thrilled to have his own baby once it is here, but I wouldn't do it if you think it will be a strain on your relationship. You will definitely not be "free" in a few years if you have another child.
2006-12-01 13:31:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anniesgran 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A baby is a sweet gift, You both know in your hearts if youde like to try one last time for one. I now it must be a tough decision, being its up to your husband to be the one to have reversal surgery. Ok, so he may be doing it just for you....thats how much he loves you and wants to make you happy. If youre both having the umption to have another child, than maybe its time to give that lil one a chance at being born to a great Dad and mommy. Normally it will take a decision and sacrafice on ones part, but the experience and over whelming joy of having another child, is somthing I know I and my husband would choose to do. Its both your decision, be honest with one another.....and whatever is chosen, you will be happy, because you both wanted it.
2006-12-01 13:32:43 · answer #5 · answered by Such A Chicka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you both want this but are getting cold feet. This is like a women that is getting married. She gets cold feet, right before it happens. There is not even 100% sure this will happen for you. my sister in laws husband got one reversed and 2 years now it didn't even happen. So I would get it and let it up to god to deceide if you should have a baby or not! Good luck and hope you make a decion that you are happy with for the rest of your life!
2006-12-01 14:04:19 · answer #6 · answered by mamato5Boys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're having second thoughts, I would say just continue enjoying the life of your current child and here in 4 years when she's an adult, start having "husband wife" time. I know it's been a while for you since you've had a baby, but I'm sure you don't forget all the work it is. I say enjoy the time with your husband and daughter and prepare yourself for the time when your daughter will give you grandkids :)
2006-12-01 13:29:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe let it go for a while... sit down have one last talk with him, and ask him to think about it. Give it a couple months and come back to it again. If you both are in agreeance then go for it, if one or both of you are against it then dont do it. You both already have one child you have raised together.
I can tell you this much. My mom had me at 19 I grew up an only child. She started dating my now stepfather when I was 8, they remarried when I was 16, and he swore raising me was enough, and low and behold, I turn 10 and my mom gives me a baby sister 8 days later, and on my 2nd wedding ann. (I was 24) she gives me another. My stepfather changed his mind. Even though I was his daughter, he still wanted one to call his own, after the first he wanted another. (They are done now!)
2006-12-01 13:42:10 · answer #8 · answered by KTINA 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a very personal decision.
If it were me, I'd investigate a new hobby or something.
Reversal does not always work, can be painful, and if it doesn't work, the emotions that follow can cripple your relationship. Because now you've moved into the mindset of having another, and you can't.
If life is good now with the two of you, I wouldn't mess with complicating it. Women are amazing planners, and jugglers of life. Your strenghts outnumber that of men, but men (in general) are logical, long term thinkers, and he may be right about the freedom and fun you have ahead of you.
Make the decision either way, and stick to it.
2006-12-01 13:32:35 · answer #9 · answered by ScottOttack 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sit down and have a SERIOUS discussion with him about this. Tell him all your thoughts and ask him his. Write down the pros and cons if that helps. This is a decision you both need to make now! Use the weekend and don't rush the choice. Good luck!!
2006-12-01 13:28:27 · answer #10 · answered by ♥ Callie Ann ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
IN MY OPINON, THAT YOU SHOULD GO AHEAD WITH THE REVERSAL, AND USE OTHER FORMS OF PROTECTION UNTIL YOU ARE SURE THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. WE TRUELY CANT BE "FREE" OF OUR CHILDREN. BUT I ALSO FEEL THAT YOU BOTH NEED TO BE 100% SURE THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT. I REALLY FEEL THAT THAT IS A PERSONAL DECISION THAT SHOULD BE MADE BETWEEN YOU AND HIM. GOOD LUCK.
2006-12-01 13:31:00 · answer #11 · answered by buzyb 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋