We had a 10 year relationship and during that time she became very depressed, and eventually dragged me down with her. We lived in how I can only describe it as a perpetual bubble! I made the choice to leave her realising that my life was not going anywhere. I have always loved her but couldn't live with her mental illness. I am getting older and have had several long term girlfriends. I want to have children and feel that my life is passsing me by. She has always kept in touch and I feel that I should help her when she gets depressed, so much so that i am going to go back with her. Am I doing the right thing or not?
2006-12-01 05:07:10 · 31 answers · asked by Julz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think anyone but you can answer you question but, by the way you were talking about getting old, etc... are you maybe just worried about THAT and the fact being that, even though you may love her, she seems to be vulnerable and there for you! Make sure you're making the right decision and for the right reasons before you and her get hurt again.
2006-12-01 05:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by Sami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a good person by wanting to help her but you are not doing yourself or her any favors. What has changed that you think you should give this another try? You help her by making sure she is getting professional help. The last thing that should be done is having children with a person who is unstable. That would be so unfair to the children if and when you are in the same situation as you were 7 years ago and you want out again because nothing has changed. Do all of yourselves a favor and be a friend and see that she seeks counsel. Thats what most of us do when we miss someone we loved. You only remember the great times and forget why you ended the relationship in the first place.
2006-12-01 13:18:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that things end for a reason. The things that pulled you apart in the past with this woman will pull you apart again. The only problem, is that children will be involved. We usually remember the good things about our ex's when we are considering reconciliation and forget the bad. However, the bad always creeps back into the relationship. I am not trying to be negative here but recall how it was living with her when you were unhappy the first time. You left for a reason. Are you sure that you want to go back to that again. Just remember, people generally do not change. You may find yourself in the same situation from 10 years ago. Think your way through this. In my opinion, I don't think you should go back. Good Luck, bro.
2006-12-01 13:16:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, is the simplest answer.
You have tried other girls as a means of achieving fatherhood and apparently failed for some reason or another. You therefore feel that your best option is to go back to your former love knowing she will achieve this goal with you. Settle for second best?
You feel that youshould help her when she gets depressed. Why? Do you feel guilty for her depression?..Responsible for it?
Having a baby whilst suffering from depression has disaster written all over it!
What made you split in the first place? Her depression?..or other stuff. Because it is still going to be there, festering.
You split for a good reason, there is no need to put you both through it again with the added complication of a baby. A baby that is going to need two good loving parents that are not carrying too much baggage outside of the childs welfare.
I think you really need to think seriously about moving into a relationship with this woman.
2006-12-01 13:18:07 · answer #4 · answered by Moorglademover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No hun you should never go back . things will never be the same . Plus there was a good reason why you split in the first place... besides 7 yrs is a long time you both will have change people do .You can support her if you still care but don't confuse her illness with more emotions. I feel that love is what you have for her . Lust is needed in a relationship not sympathy. that is the wrong reason to go back.. Be a mate offer support keep an eye on her welfare ...thats much kinder to her and you ...
I hope you find the answer ...Good luck x
2006-12-01 13:14:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well julz..it sounds like you are still having doubts about this relationship, otherwise you wouldnt be here asking what to do, why not try being together for a trial period and not living together, as though your were dating all over again, mental health can improve and who knows it may even leave your friend in a more acceptable frame of mind, cant she go to the doctors and have another talk, maybe try new or different drugs, assuming she takes some already to help the symptoms, are you sure youre not going back for companionship, as you say, you are getting older and you want children, but if you had children with this lady, what would happen if you find yourself in the same situation as before, only this time you may have children which would prove more difficult to cope with as well as mental health, I wish you well.
2006-12-01 13:29:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question you need to ask yourself is will you handle the same scenario again? Is your ex having counseling. is she bi-polar? Is the depression being treated. Has she sought counselling to help her overcome things?
If you feel you can face the giant square on it might be a good thing to help her find her purpose and encourage her to run with it, to take her mind off self. A chemical depression can be treated, but a spiritual one has to be dealt with in another way. Sometimes people who are depressed are very self-centred and attention seeking and when they dont attain what they were aiming for they get sulky and depressed. People can chooselife over death, joy over gloom, whatever, afterall isnt life about choices and making the right ones. More than likely you both need to seek help from a counsellor regarding your decision to walk back together. its obvious that you still have feelings for your ex-wife. I would really think a consultation with a pastor or a christian psychologist would help you both. Get help first and then when the green light happens go for it.
2006-12-01 13:28:36 · answer #7 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If thats where your heart is then go for it. Just remember that haveing a mental illness can be just like haveing diabetes or something. Stick by her, make sure she gets some professional help too, it may save the both of you from entering the bubble again. Therapy for yourself also can be extremely beneficial in a situation like this. It sounds like you know you want to grow old with her, she deserves someone whos very caring like yourself. Good Luck!
2006-12-01 13:11:57 · answer #8 · answered by ELW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buddy, you are going back for the wrong reasons. If you go back feeling pity on her or to help her with a medical condition, that is not good for the relationship. That you can do any way. The only reason you should go back and have a romantic relationship is if you feel that you have a future together as a couple with shared goals and vision. And remember that there are more complications with an ex than starting over with a new person.
2006-12-01 13:11:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're kidding, right? I cannot imagine wanting a child from a mother who suffers bi-polar depression..it is genetic. Do you want to have a child with the same problem?
Why in the world would you want to get back into that mess....she has not changed on iota, but you will if you go back for second helpings...dumb idea! You owe her nothing, she has an illness that she can get help for, but would seem not to. At any rate, it is NOT your illness. Stay far away, for you will be dragged back into the quagmire of depression you escaped from....yea, great idea isn't it? good luck
2006-12-01 14:06:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋