My husband and I have been married for almost 5 yrs and together for 7yrs. We have 3 children. In the last year my husband has had non-physical infidelity with two separate women at two separate times. He says that his reasoning is because he doesn't get what he needs from me mentally but when I have ever tried to be emotionally and mentally there and supportive he laughs me off and pushes me away. He said that when they say things that he likes he ends up becoming vulnerable to them but when it all comes down to anything physical he thinks of me and the kids and can't follow through with anything. He says that he doesn't doubt that he loves me but he doesn't know if he is in love with me or not. He doesn't know how to tell the difference. He is not open about himself at all in any area and he tends to push/run away if something gets hard or scares him. I told him that I am willing to go as far as it takes to save us. HELP!
2006-12-01 04:37:47 · 14 answers · asked by indistress 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
God Bless you...as I know you are struggling right now with various issues. Plus the holidays are approaching, and it's rough.
First, check out this website:http://www.marriagebuilders.com/
and read this book (with your husband): Emotional Infidelity :http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Infidelity-Affair-Proof-Marriage-Relationship/dp/0609810006/sr=8-1/qid=1164994867/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-7635451-8442226?ie=UTF8&s=books
Then...decide if you want to continue the marriage.
2006-12-01 04:41:50 · answer #1 · answered by Just a Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a toughie but I just got a divorce last year because of the same thing. I don't want to put thoughts in your head, but you also need to be honest with your gut and see if he has done anything physical. If he is falling for these women, it is likely that he has...
I would seek out counseling. It's so sad when something that was supposed to last forever dies. Tell him that when you try to be there for him, you feel like he laughs you off or pushes you away. Ask what specifically he needs from you - HE MUST STOP all contact with these women, too and focus on you or else it will never work. Maybe a marriage retreat to get you back on track - remember why you guys fell in love in the first place...
If counseling doesn't help, and you've pulled out all the stops, you should not feel bad if your marriage ends in divorce. As long as you know that you did all you can do, you will not look back with regerets. Like the other guy said, you can only do so much on your own...
Best of luck.
2006-12-01 12:49:49 · answer #2 · answered by Big and Rich 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband cheated on you with 2 women and your still with him then their is something wrong with you because if I would had been you I would had left his a*s fast and quick. I know that you have children and that you probably want to make the relationship work for them but sweety you have to face reality and move on with your kids. I know that you two have been together for a long time but when cheating gets involved then that means that the spark that used to be their is not their anymore. He's just being stupid when you say that he gets vulnerable that is just BS what he needs is to be a man and try to make this marriage work and if not for you then for the kids. If he's running away then that's a sign that he doesn't like to be around you anymore. What you should do is just let him run but ask him before he leaves, if you're going to run away again then I'm taking the kids with me and this marrige is over and I don't want to see again. One more thing you don't need to drag yourself all over the place just to please him let him go and you'll see that you'll be living better and more peaceful. Do it for the kids... E-mail me and tell me how it goes. God Bless...
2006-12-01 13:06:02 · answer #3 · answered by mysteryousmtz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good hear that you actually want to work it out. Maybe it's you and not him. Maybe your should start thinking about how you are. People cheat because something is missing, well what is he missing from you. Always remember marriage is about 2 not just yourself. Some people are selfish and don't even realize it. Work it out don't throw away 7 years and 3 kids. If you leave you give up, if you stay and tough it out, you grow stronger together and you have defeated another useless divorce.
2006-12-01 12:53:04 · answer #4 · answered by msboobhead 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be willing to go as far as it takes to save your marriage, but you cannot do it alone. He has to be willing to put in some of the hard work and from what you have said here, he isn't willing to do so. I believe that he may not be getting what he needs from you mentally, this is something that you are going to have to figure out. Read some books on marriage, and do it NOW. You have my best wishes.
2006-12-01 12:41:43 · answer #5 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes TWO - both of you - to get your marriage back on track. Counseling will help, but only if you both go. You must have been "mentally/emotionally" there for him at one point, because he married you. Think back to what it was; even ask him what it was that he fell in love with. Is that still there? It does say a lot that he hasn't been physical with anyone but you - it sounds like he still loves you, but maybe is overwhelmed, or bored. Counseling for both!!
2006-12-01 12:46:29 · answer #6 · answered by Blondie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look up and make an appointment for a marriage counselor. Tell him about the appointment and ask him to go. YOU need to go even if he does not want to. You need help in dealing with what is happening to YOU. Regardless of how this scenario turns out, you need to take care of, and love yourself first, before you can effectively take care and love others. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-12-01 12:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by LMnandez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this...but, it sounds like you are no longer your husband's best friend. You need to get that back. Some girls just have no scruples and will tell a man anything to take him emotionally away from his primary relationship..like a powertrip for them...and undermining you. Does he have any male friends that are close to both of you that you can turn to for advice? Bring that circle closer.
Therapy is also an answer...but- a lot of men balk at that.
Good luck and god bless.
2006-12-01 12:44:41 · answer #8 · answered by andi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of the childern, seek out a Marriage Counselor. Good Luck!
2006-12-01 12:41:15 · answer #9 · answered by stklotto 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried counseling? I think you should give it a shot and find out the root of this problem before doing something so drastic as separating or divorcing.
2006-12-01 12:42:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋