My husband rarely wants to have sex with me amymore?

Question

I am SO tired of "taking care" of myself.My husband hardly ever wants to have sex with me anymore.I have tried to talk to him about our problem..but, he just gets mad and says"oh here we go again.I cry and I cry because I don't feel sexy.. the passion is gone.He doesn't even kiss me anymore besides chicken pecks.When "HE" decides "HE'S" ready to have sex he flicks my nipple a couple of times and thinks I should be hot for him and ready to go.I'm to the point to where if he can't put a little more into it then I would just prefer to continue "doing" myself.It hurts my heart that he never wants to be passionate with me anymore. I watch movies where there is kissing and cry because his kisses (what I can remember of them) are all it takes to get me going ...instead I get a quick scratch of the nipple and a "ya wanna do it" he responded to a womans question on here the other day pretty much the same scenerio..he told her that maybe the chase was gone.huh,I've tried to wait for the chase.

I feel like I've tried everything..I've waited(and waited) for him to initiate. I've tried looking sexy,I'm all the time rubbing him all over ...he'll be walking by me and I'll pull his boxers down or undo his belt and fish out his pe*** and start working it over..he acts like it's just me I'm a freak or something for wanting to be nasty.We have been together for 4 years and when we got together he wanted it all the time ..we kissed all the time (and omg ..his kisses just his kisses alone would almost send me over the edge) and he was "nasty" then too. WHAT GIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Well, it can be only one of three things: He's bored with the type of sex you've been having, his sex drive is pretty much gone or he's interested in getting some from someone other than you. I hate to talk about appearance, but men are visual animals. if you've "changed" since the time you two first met, he may not be attracted in the same way. Yes, it's shallow and stupid and unfair (men think they can get fat and the women still love them), but that's the way a lot of men are.

Here's what you can do about it. One, get used to doing yourself. If he's not interested, so be it. And when he does want to do it, tell him you're tired or something. Second, get interested in working out or something. Go to a gym, etc. Not because you need it, but because A) it will make you feel better and B) he will wonder what's going on with her and start seeing you in a new light. He will become attracted again, trust me, not because you've lost weight or something, but because he'll see that you are moving on with life without him, doing something without him. he won't take you for granted any longer because he'll see that you have a life other than him. It will be a wake up call for him. Trust me, this works.

Oh, and here's a tip: Despite what some other people are saying do NOT approach him to "talk about the relationship". That turns guys off COMPLETELY. No guy wants to talk about "the relationship" because ultimately it's about stuff that HE'S not doing or HIS shortcomings. Actions speak louder than words. If you want him to get serious about the relationship again, show him that there could just as easily NOT be a relationship.

Answer 2

Communication is the key. He really isn't communicating anything to you about why the sex life is in the state that it is in. Without communication there is no solution to fixing any problem. When a spouse doesn't want to communicate to try and fix the problem, there goes a bigger problem. Weigh the pro's and con's and decide to do what's best for you in the long run. I'm a woman, and I can only 'do me' so many times, then it gets old. I need the warmth and passionate touch of a man. Where is the foreplay, and since when has flicking a nipple turned a woman into a sex machine? If he doesn't know, he better ask somebody! It's better if you get into the car and let the engine run for a while before you just start driving, it's the same way with a woman, you have to heat things up, and make her want you, not a flick and a peck, then screw, it doesn't work that way. A woman wants and needs to feel desired!

Answer 3

My Husband Never Wants Sex

Answer 4

Ah well...what can I say? Despite all this there really isn't a solution to your dilema. Try as you might to dress differently, different hairstyle or the leather and spandex prison guard uniform with the crotchless underwear it probably won't do the trick.
You aren't alone. believe me there are plenty of women and men in the same boat. By the way...give me a hand with this oar would you?
So I don't know...maybe things will suddenly change just as they suddenly changed to the current situation. I agree that there's more to twiddling a nipple between your thumb and forefinger. Foreplay is always the best part of the game. But I truly hope you have things turn around for you. It sucks I know.

But I would be remiss in not saying that I think you still look hot in that prison uniform.

Answer 5

Aww, I am so sorry for you.Unfortunately men can be so cold.He wants it when he wants it but it doesn't matter to him when you want or need it,I know this scenario all to well.My husband stays up late watching tv and I am ready for bed about 2 hours after I put our 1 yr old daughter to bed.I hint to him that I am in the mood but he acts like he don't get it and justs zones into his tv and when he finally comes to bed 1-2 hours later I am sound asleep,but yet it doesn't matter because then he wants it.And its like you said a flick of the nipple and I'm supposed to be awake and ready.But all I really am is annoyed and angry and frustrated.Or if the rare chance he does come to bed with me it is long enough for 7 minutes at the most and he doesn't stay to cuddle he's right back in with the tv.I feel your pain and I am sad to say that men seem to lose sight of the fact that we as women need intimacy to keep the love alive.To kindle and keep the passion burning.But they don't think with the same organ as us.If you find a solution to your problem please let me in on the secret,because I really wish I could help you.

Answer 6

Men love sex. I hope I'm wrong but my personal experience tells me he's likely to be getting the sex somewhere else. This could mean one-night stands, affairs, pornography and or self pleasure only. Don't blame yourself for anything, all you can do IS take care of yourself. Watch for patterns or behaviors that might give you a clue. Confront him when you are ready without accusation. Let him know you are interested in understanding what is going on with him. Best of luck!

Answer 7

Sometimes when a partner checks out physically from a relationship, it is because he is emotionally involved with someone else. If that is not the case, it is possible that if he is older than you that his hormones have changed and a trip to the doctor can change that. I was married to a much older man for 12 years, and at the end I was rarely touched or kissed. In my case he had just lost the libido and didnt care if I cared. He just let me go. So i left. (now happily married to the best ever!) But- if he wont seek a solution : therapy, hormones, counselling,,,,,then perhaps you should.

Good luck and god bless.

Answer 8

Do you ever talk to him about what you would like? Do you talk "naughtily" to him? I would suggest setting up an evening when you wont be disturbed where you set up a fantasy scenario, his first, then next time yours. Obviously make sure each are happy with the others fantasy, and there are ground rules on what is acceptable to the other if it is going to be particularly 'different'

When you talk about your fantasies, it will enable you to open up what you like and how you like it, your fantasy could be that you want him to be really passionate and expressive and talk to each other about what you want to do to each other as you do it. In the process he will get the message by how passionately you respond.

And try to let go of any past resentment and not let it come out during or after the process, positive reinforcement only!

Good luck!

Answer 9

i am in the same situation...i have been with mine for 11 years (may i ask how long you have been with yours?)

anyway, i would recommend seeing a counselor by yourself, and then when you are comfortable maybe talking to him about the two of you seeing a sex therapist? i don't feel comfortable doing that after 11 years, but maybe it will work for you guys?

it sucks when that passion is gone, and you wonder if it will or can come back...men are just different animals and we need love in a completely different way, and most of the time men do not understand these differences.

hope it works out...

Answer 10

You didn't say how long you had been married, but it is the marriage curse. Men need variety - it is a biological imperative - and our society frowns upon that sort of thing. Many times he may need little more than catching a porno flick or an hour at a topless bar, and women think that is some kind of cheating, but it is not. In some cases it is much more extensive. my suggestion is get serious counseling or check out your local swingers group. A counselor can give you short time help, but the problem is usually far more pervasive and coming up with some new fantasy every time you want affection or sex can be taxing. A swingers group can strengthen a good marriage, but will do nothing for a bad marriage. The third choice is to go to the swingers group on your own. You will never have to worry about some one following you home or causing problems. Good luck.