my husband and me have been kind of fighting a lot lately over different things he might have a child and well I don't think I want to deal with all of that. i love the child i love him but, I have so many feelings for him he is in iraq right now and he has decided that since he a email about getting divorced he now is deciding if he still wants to be with me. He won't talk to me normally. he says he will decide and me soon he decidsion. But, there is also i am 18 years old and I am still in love with my exboyfriend/ bestfriend and well everyone else says i was the happiest when I was with my ex. and there was no problems between us ever not even a fight. What do I do? I love them both but, more than the other. Can someone help me out?
2006-12-01 04:26:53 · 29 answers · asked by beepbeep_gone 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
follow your heart know knows how you really feel and only you can get it right but remember fights can end and love does hurt remember the old saying you don't know what you got until its gone well may try separating awhile and see if that help or maybe a marriage counselor. but you cant stay with someone you don't love just because of a child............................ good luck
2006-12-01 04:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by maddog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you married this man, you made a commitment to him. You obviously loved each other enough and had very strong feelings for each other when you got married. A marriage is not easy and takes work from both people for it to work out. Communication is so important in a relationship. I know how hard it can be to maintain a long distance relationship. However, don't just take the easy way out and get divorced without giving this some serious thought. You both need to make an effort to work things out. Your exboyfriend is a part of your past and you broke up for a reason. Don't let him come between you and your husband now. Make it known to your husband how important he is to you and that you want to try to work things out. If he feels the same, you guys will work it out in the end.
2006-12-01 12:34:49 · answer #2 · answered by Bumbo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see lots of problems here: So, you fight with a husband who is in Iraq, who MIGHT have a child...oh and you "love" this phantom child? So there is this man, who doesn't normally talk to you...emailed you recently to ask for a divorce, but is "deciding" if he still wants to be with you. You have so many feelings for the man, but you are still in love with an ex BF and there are STILL no problems with HIM, presumably including the fact that you're married to the first man?
Know what? This problem is largely self-created, either by neglect, or by design. I think YOU need to decide what YOU really want and soon, before any of you get more people involved in this mess.
2006-12-01 12:39:39 · answer #3 · answered by Jeff W 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with both your husband being in harm's way and his infidelity. It's tough to tell you what to do as wars make men say and do crazy things. The best thing to do is to NOT do anything until your husband gets back home. You two are probably fighting because of the baby and the stress from being apart.
Now getting someone pregnant....that's really tough and only you know if you can forgive him. That happened to me and I chose to stay with the man and he ended up to be a real dirtbag. Not saying your husband is that but you need to really consider the respect he has for you if he did this.
All I can tell you is to seriously think about whether him having a child is something you can really deal with. You're soooo young so I want to tell you to cut your losses and start fresh and find you a man who will cherish you and remain faithful, but it's not my place and I don't know your situation personally.
My best advice? Follow what your brain is telling you, not your heart because the heart makes us do crazy things.
2006-12-01 12:32:25 · answer #4 · answered by 11:11 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your life, you should be making the decisions not waiting for him to make it for you. If you are no longer in love or are just realizing that you really never loved him, then you need to let him know exactly how you feel. If you can't get him to call and you can't call him then at least send a letter. Make sure yo let him know that you would rather be telling him this in person, but this is the only way of communications for the two of you right now. Make sure all your feelings are out there and that you tell him the truth, you love him but your not in love with him and that its time to end things before either of you gets hurt worse that what you all are hurting now. You also need to make some decisions for yourself, like where your gonna live (if you stay in a shared place), you know the basic things for life. Basically just make sure you take charge of your life and that you completely tell him the truth, its the best way to go.
2006-12-01 12:42:52 · answer #5 · answered by shell7024 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are 18 years old, and still in love with someone else, you may not ever have the love for this man and husband that he deserves. A marriage will not survive if you are thinking of someone else, and it will not work if you cannot accept his child as part of your family and in the long run, he will choose his son over you. I have been married for 7 years and with the same man for 14 years. I am completely in love and devoted to my husband and he is the same for me. If you do not feel the same for your husband your marriage will eventually fail. If you really want to make this marriage work, you have to forget about this other guy, accept his child as your own and love him like no other man and make sure he knows that your world revolves around him. Only marriages with 100% commitment to each other stand a chance of surviving. Good Luck.
2006-12-01 12:34:21 · answer #6 · answered by MRod 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 18 years old. I have the distinct impression that you got married too soon. Should you get divorced at this time, I would resist getting involved for a very long time.
However, it not unusual to see people in their third marriage.
Something to consider, people who marry for the second time, have a 50 percent chance of a second divorce.
Good Luck.
2006-12-01 12:44:28 · answer #7 · answered by Mav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go with the divorce get a ged if you didnt graduate (no offense )and get a great job you wont mind working at for a long time then consider your love life when you arent dependent on any1 but yourself that way if you get in a relationship you want out of after this you can get out!
2006-12-01 12:30:14 · answer #8 · answered by Nightchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are still talking means there is still hope. Wait until he gets home and then see a marriage counselor. Also, visit marriagebuilders.com and read all the articles there. It's an awesome site. Note: I am not affiliated with that site in any way.
2006-12-01 12:37:02 · answer #9 · answered by Otis F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are too young to saddle yourself this way. You should make an appointment with a therapist to help you get over your apparent need to be attached to a man. Get an education and get to know YOU. There is plenty of time for all that after you become self-sufficient.
2006-12-01 12:32:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋