Is there a way to intervene? Are there organizations that can help? I've searched the web and I'm coming up short regarding third party intervention. There are children involved.
2006-12-01 04:17:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
I don't care about being the bad guy... if she never speaks to me again but she and her children are out of that dangerous situation, that is what's important.
2006-12-01 04:39:42 · update #1
Despite what Mr. ME says do not ignore the problem, someone could end up dead. You need to talk to her as much and as often as possible, ask her and the children to go places and try to keep her away from the abuser. Don't mention anything to her about leaving if he is anywhere remotely around or could hear the conversation this could make matters worse for her. There are women's shelters that will help, you need to contact one of them but keep in mind that if she doesn't WANT to leave or is afraid to leave nothing you do will make a difference she has to be the one to make the ultimate decision to leave. Also, don't take it personally if she tells you it is none of your business and starts to distance herself from you, she is afraid of what you are saying and doing and that fear is what the abuser is really after. Fear and control that is all they want and if they are confronted by someone who will not back down to them they become submissive like little children.
2006-12-01 04:30:09 · answer #1 · answered by Scooter Girl 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should first off call a Childrens Protection Agency... here in Canada its called Childrens Aid Society. They will investigate by way of telling the mother they have had an anonymous tip about the condition of the childrens lives and need to look into it. If they see any indication of abuse or neglect, they will further investigate and take the children.
I honestly think that in these cases, the only real option is to take the children and place them in a safe home. In the majority of the cases, the mother will look at it as-- I have 2 options. Stay here and be abused, or leave and get my children back.
The children are the innocent ones in situations like this. They do not have the will power or option of walking away and starting over. They do not have the ability to stand up for themselves. The woman DOES. She can choose to stay or choose to leave, and if it comes down to a choice between her children and her abusive husband... well the choice is usually clear.
When she does leave and wants her children back make it clear to her that the choice to leave and be with her kids is a permanent one and she cannot return to the abuser. IF necessary, the children should be permanately placed with family or friends, and no access allowed. Most sane women will make the right choice.
2006-12-01 15:16:26 · answer #2 · answered by melaniecampbell 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get the birthdates of each child, take your concerns to a "child protection agency", at least attempt to get them out of there. If it's as bad as you say it is, then the child protection agency can at least take the children in to safety. Realizing that her children's lives are in danger might open the mother's eyes.
As for the woman, if you witness her getting beaten, you can call the police. Police are, by law, suppose to press charges on the abuser. If they don't you can go down and make sure they do, stressing the endangerment of them not doing so.
Cops, by nature, are themselves wife-beaters and will not do anything to upset their own comrades (other abusers). If you happen to get an understanding policeman, ask him about "court mandating" an abusive man in to an anger management program, and about keeping his wife in protection until the husband has been registered and is attending classes on a regular basis.
Meanwhile, if you can't do all that, at least, if the woman is really your friend, do not try to force her in to anything. She will feel threatened by you. Your have to help her understand that "you are her friend". You are there for her. She has to "know she needs help". Right now, he has her in his clutches, and has her believing "she can't do any better than him", that no one else wants her... He has her "dependent on him", and she is just waiting for him to change... Which, of course, we all know he never will.
Between each beating, is a "honeymoon period", which are the parts, sadly, she looks forward to. During those moments are the only times she feels loved by him, and she really thinks she loves him.
YOU CAN:
1) Give her hope.
2) Teach her, subtley, positive alternatives.
3) Introduce her to other women, with success stories (those that got away from abuse relationships).
4) Be her friend, her strength, her courage, her hope.
5) Do not ever frustrate yourself with her choices, instead "stand by her".
6) Teach her to respect herself (most of all her children).
7) She has the power to improve her own life.
8) Research the "transition houses" in your area, and show her pamphlets on it...
2006-12-01 13:21:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She definitely needs a place to live where she can avoid physical harms by her husband so provide her your place or something and you need to be with her as much as you could do comfort her. When things settle down, you guys need to get things straight with help of law. If she's not happy with her marriage, feel doesn't deserve her abusing husband, divorce is the best way to set things calm and peaceful.
2006-12-01 12:27:20 · answer #4 · answered by k_i_k_89 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She has to want the help. And she has to feel that she will be safe from him once she is out of the situation. It is cruel, but for the sake of the children you could try Child Protective Services.
2006-12-01 12:27:55 · answer #5 · answered by eilishaa 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
THAT PERSON NEEDS TO WANT HELP..U CAN NOT HELP SOMEONE WHO DECIDES TO STAY IN THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP. ITS UP TO HER TO GET HER AND HER CHILDREN OUT OF THE SITUATION. AND IF U GET INVOLVED SHE WILL PROBABLY END UP STILL WITH HIM AND U WILL BE THE BAD GUY IN THE END. ALL U CAN DO IS BE A FRIEND AND BE THERE FOR HER.
2006-12-01 12:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by PRETTYGIRL 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
actually these kindov people do not think they really need help.at 1st they do not think it's wrong that they r doin'.when finally they are realized thay can hardly givr up cuZ they r involved or simply used to it.make that person believe that she reallly needs some advise abd help
2006-12-01 12:32:44 · answer #7 · answered by TARA_K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hire a hitman, or hitwoman to whack the guy. Yes, that'll do, I think.
2006-12-01 14:21:48 · answer #8 · answered by Proud Liberal 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
just tell ur fren to pay her husband back in the same coin.
2006-12-01 13:36:11 · answer #9 · answered by VISH3 K 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
In minding your own business
2006-12-01 12:23:12 · answer #10 · answered by Mr ME 4 · 0⤊ 5⤋