heres my situation...my wife and i have seperated due to that fact that I cheated on her. we have two small kids and she just moved out a week ago. she knows that i am truly sorry but she wants to see change in me. not to mention time by herself to clear her mind of me being with someone else. whats some things women look for to see if a man has changed???because i know she is watching my every move to see if ill follow through with what i say. so what are some tips that i can use that will get me through this to win her back ??? please no wise cracks..what i did was very wrong... i just want my family back.
2006-12-01 02:49:54 · 20 answers · asked by Mr Confused 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Total Severance: Cut off all contact with the other woman. No phone, no email, no chat, no cards, no nothing. Change jobs if you have to.
Total honesty: Tell the truth at all times. No spinning, either.
Total transparency: Be where you say you are going to be at all times. If not, let her know. There should be no "mysterious" time. For now, don't even plan a surprise party if you have to be sneaky about it. It will arouse suspicion.
Do what you say you are going to do. Period
If she wants your email/voicemail passwords or mobile phone bill, hand 'em over.
Total Commitment: Talk to her. Share your day and your feelings.
Put her needs first. Don't be a wimp, but do the things that she needs. This includes the chores that all us guys put off until we can't put them off anymore.
2006-12-01 03:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it is hard to trust again. She might be watching you for a long time. That is something very hard to get over when the person you love and believe in most cheats on you. If you both want it bad enough, and love each other enough you will get through this. You may need to get help. You will just have to bear with her. Believe me she may always have back flash of this. I don't think people really knows how it hurts the other (man or women) until the one they trust, takes away that trust. Some times I wonder if you ever get it fully back. I have been going through the same thing myself, and sometimes I wonder do you ever get it back completely. I also know what you mean when about watching your every move, because it is really hard to trust, and you really want to, but it is like every time you think you are doing good, something will just flash back at you. All you can do is just show her you love her, and don't think things will change over night. Like every thing hurt has got to have time to heal, and sometimes it is a long way back. Good Luck. Just remember it takes time.
2006-12-01 11:16:22 · answer #2 · answered by CHEROKEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you one thing for sure. You certainly have a very long road ahead of you to earn back her trust. My husband cheated on me after many years of marriage and l was shattered. I knew l loved him but found the trust thing just so hard to bare. You must be very honest with her, if she asks you anything about your cheating you must answer her openly and honestly, no matter how hard you find it. I had to know the why's, when's and where's about everything, l don't really know why it just seemed to make it easier to deal with even though at times what he told me was difficult to hear. I just needed to know everything. You have children too so that makes it even harder for all involved. I can certainly understand her needing to clear her head, it is very difficult when you picture the man you love with another woman. All l can advise is give her the time she needs to get over this, hopefully she will for your sake. You will need to be an open book as honesty will play a major role. You need to prove to her that you love and respect her and that you are genuinely sorry for what you did to her and your children. My husband and l are back together working out our problems and hopefully you will too. Be patient with her and the best of luck to you.
2006-12-01 11:43:07 · answer #3 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its nice to see someone take responsibility for their mistakes! Everyone makes them you are not alone! I hope you can be faithful to your wife, before you start wooing her back please be absolutely sure she is who you want to spend the rest of your life with so she is not hurt again!!!
Remember all the reasons you fell in love with her and take some time to write them in a letter. Remember how you felt the first time she told you she was pregnant, remember the night you realized she was the one you wanted to marry and remember how you felt when you gave her the ring. Think of the first time you laid eyes on her and the first time you saw her holding your first child. Get someone to watch the kids and take her to a Bed & Breakfast they are beautifully decorated this time of year and a lil romance can go a long long way. Don't rush her into sex, let it come naturally, be patient she needs that now more than anything. I hope everything works out for you (I could go on n on but I have to let other people talk too!!) Merry Christmas!
2006-12-01 11:21:14 · answer #4 · answered by HereweGO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, u have to look at the reasons on why u cheated on her..
was it a one night stand? was it someone u knew? what was wrong in your marriage that u had to hop in bed with someone else?
second, realize u may never win her trust back again..( because most women cant get over the image of their man in bed with another woman) ( and the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater) u should of known from the start, never to cheat...if u werent finished dating u shouldnt of gotten married and had children.
if u are serious about winning her back, think back to when you were dating, take her to the movies, or out to a real nice dinner..buy her flowers...(daily)
its going to take time for her to come back... ( if she does at all)maybe even some marriage counciling.
watch the movie "something to talk about" with julia roberts..
2006-12-01 10:59:08 · answer #5 · answered by luvutaz1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to give her time to allow her to heal. Show her in every way that you love her and want her back. Her trusting you again will take time. Let her know that she is who you want and it will never happen again. If there are things that you did in the past such as going out a lot, staying out late or whatever change that to make her happy and to help her see that she is more important to you than anything else.
2006-12-01 10:54:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will just have to be patient. Continue to try and assure her what an idiot you were and don't justify your actions. However, she needs to know why and if you tell her it was just for sex, with out telling her the underlying reasons, she will not accept your excuses. She is no way to blame for your actions.
There is still a strong possibility she may never forgive or forget. Be prepared for a long, uphill battle! Do not rush her into forgiveness, she will only resent you more. Keep in mind, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!".
2006-12-01 11:08:00 · answer #7 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should bend over backwards kissing her A**. It will take her a long time to try and get over it. Maybe try to suggest to her that you'd like to go to counseling( I think that might show her you are serious about changing and about how badly you want to save your marriage)And... walk the straight and narrow..be where you're supposed to be when you're supposed to be there. It will be a pain in the butt for a while but, it may help to ease her mind and suspicions. I had it happen to me and the cheater for some reason thought that I should have been kissing his A** if I wanted to keep him so bad....... needless to say we are no longer together. GOOD LUCK!
2006-12-01 13:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by hthr34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A cheating spouse is hard to get over. This will just take time. While she's gone, just go about your business and stay away from other women. If you change too much, and she comes back to you, eventually you will revert to the old you. I would get counseling if I were you.
2006-12-01 10:53:25 · answer #9 · answered by kari w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just put yourself in her shoe.
You have two small kids ----> became double care and double interested about them.
Try to remember what she asked you to fix or change in the house -----> do it with your best.
Christmas is coming -----> make your place clean, attractive and romantic.
Do you know her parents, her other relatives? -----> do something nice and thoughtful for them. Talk with them how sorry you are. Apologize as many times as they can take.
She probably told you many times what she dreams about ----> common, man, make her dream come true!
Try not to forget that almost any woman loves flowers whatever what. She'll put them in the vase and they will remind her about you all the time.
Take care about her like you would do about your child who is sick or your best friend, who is vulnerable and hurt.... You hurt her feelings A LOT. It's almost like a murderer.
2006-12-01 11:26:06 · answer #10 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋