Question Details: 3 months ago I told my girlfriend I wanted to take some time apart because things were moving fast, and we were getting pretty serious. My girlfriend was very upset, but I insisted and we didnt see each other for a month. When I realized how much I loved her I asked her to take me back. At first she was still angry at me, but after a few weeks she finaly took me back. We have been happy for the past two months, but last week I asked if she had dated anyone while we were apart - I did not. I found out she not only did date but she even slept with someone she knows from the gym and someone from work. The past few days I have been trying not to take it out on her that I am jealous. I know it is my fault and I gave her the freedom, but how do I get rid of my rage without showing it to my girlfriend. I have been asking her all the details of what happened and my girlfriend feels uncomfortable telling me, but I feel I need to know. Is this bad? Please give me advice if yo have any!d
2006-12-01 01:35:47 · 18 answers · asked by downtokissit 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You asked your gf to take a break from your relationship, (you know this), and she explored some new relationships. You didn't. Both of those were choices should be "O.K" since you were both seeing if your relationship should continue. You just did it in other ways. Now you are angry. You are really angry with yourself, and taking it out on her. You need to quit dwelling on what happened when you guys were apart. Understand that the anger you feel is with yourself for asking for a break. Now you regret it. But, you really need to change your feelings around. She explored other relationships, and came back to you. Because you instituted a "break" you put some uncertainty into the relationship. It's time to re-affirm what your relationship is. If you are committed to her, and want to return to a monogomous, full-time relationship you need to tell her loud and clear. And NOT by being a bully. Ask her out for a special date, a dinner would be great, and tell her that you learned during your split that you want her and no other. This should open a conversation about your relationship in general, and allow you to discuss her committment to you. If she also learned that you are the "one" for her, discussing it, and re-committing will be what you need to hear.
2006-12-01 01:48:13 · answer #1 · answered by Caper 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
There is something seriously wrong here...
A girlfriend doesn't go out and sleep with two guys within a month of breaking a relationship (even if temporary).
Get out now and find someone else. And... you don't want to know the details...
Short-term relationships have a spark, a fire that make it special. There is little in this world that can extinguish that flame. As the relationship progresses, this fires flickers. A different kind of love takes over and in the best cases, better and more mature. A love and respect that hold two people together through tough times.
The flame that burns in her for you clearly isn't there. What's going to happen in 2, 5, 10 years from now?
I'm not going to suggest what happened, though it's clear why this occurred.
I don't often advise something so drastic without leaving some room for future success, but...
If you decide to stay, don't ask her about the past and start anew. You might be facing something similar again in the future.
.
2006-12-01 07:08:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was your idea, any anger you have now should be directed at yourself not her.
You two were no longer in a committed relationship. You didn't give her freedom. She has that even while in a relationship with you. She's not property. She's a person.
You cut the relationship loose. She was gone, at your request. She had no obligation of faithfulness to you. You were no longer apart of her life, at your very own bequest.
Put it behind you. Be happy she agreed to take you back. Many women wouldn't have after being hurt with the "we need time apart" as they'd take as a line.
And in the future, the rule of thumb is never to ask a question unless you're sure you want the answer.....no matter what the answer could be.
I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but I do have personal experience. In my case he wanted the relationship to end. Then a year later he changed his mind. Won't take him back now because as far as I'm concerned, trust has been broken and I've decided to move on.
He's angry about it and blames me for not "forgiving" him.... I would've stayed forever, until that b.s. I was hurt. That hurt can't be undone now by an "I'm sorry, changed my mind again." Real people, real feelings.
Good luck. I do hope it works out for you two.
2006-12-01 01:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by L 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't think it was acceptable for her to go out and sleep with someone while the two of you were taking time apart. When two people agree to spend time away from eachother temporarily, it is not as if you are permanently breaking things off, so I find it very disrespectful to you that she would do what she did. If you truly care about someone you should think of the consequences of your actions and how they will affect that person, and it sounds like she was being selfish when she did what she did. You're not wrong for being angry or jealous, and no, it is not your fault that she decided to behave that way. She should have realized that her situation was only temporary and that to sleep with someone else was wrong. If you need to know what happened then for your sake tell her flat out that in order for you to ever have an open mind about everything she needs to tell you the whole story - I think she owes you that much. And I would sit down and have a serious talk about the relationship, because this is something you need to get past, and if you don't feel you can get past it both of you deserve to know.
2006-12-01 01:43:23 · answer #4 · answered by lop 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i think u should be thoroughly honest and forward with her, tell her how u really feel, make her feel ur pain, u guys agreed to seperate, she was angry with u, fer all u know, she did this to spite u, but thats my opinion, in fact, u should be pissed at her, u said urself that u guys were taking things too fast and that u needed to tone it down a bit, was she upset that u were going to seperate, or that u guys weren't gonna hav sex that nite? Going back to her shows that u love her, but does she love u? It took her a few weeks to consider u. It is pushing it a little to ask for details about having sex, she probably duzzn't feel comfortable saying personal things like that, but hell, she had sex with another guy for crying out loud, are u going to take that lying down? For all i care, you can do what you want, but if i would be extremely pissed if some1 banged my girlfriend, Other people are telling u that its ur fault, that she "explored new relationships" why the hell would she explore new relationships if she's stilll technically going out with u?don't u think thats sorta the same as cheating on u? U said SOME time, not break up. Its not ur fault man, im on ur side.
2006-12-01 01:42:31 · answer #5 · answered by The Gildclam 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well As hard as it sounds you are going to have to face it. It is over You will never be able to be with her in bed and not think about the men. And she will be more likely to cheat you now seeing she has found out there are other Fish in the pond.
Plus it sounds like she kinda of gets around you were apart what two months and she bags two guys? I think I would make a move for her sister or something. :D
2006-12-01 02:24:10 · answer #6 · answered by Rocky The Fearless 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok..here are my thoughts on this situation. You can take this many ways. If you are honestly able to forgive her and never think about this again then you might have a chance. But, personally i would never take her back as she has 'cheated' in a sense. I know you two were taking time apart from eachother but does that mean you two were never going to be together again? Did she think about how this would hurt you ? She was only concerned with herself at this time while you were home thinking about her and the relationship. You need to sit down and think about if you can look her in the face everyday knowing she was with another man while you thought you two were working on the relationship. You might later down the road realize that you can only think about her being with him..cheating on you..never having trust again with her. I could see if it was just a dinner date or something innocent but SEX is SEX and it is not innocent and it doesn't 'just happen'. She spread her legs and enjoyed herself now you need to realize she did not consider your feelings at all and you shouldn't consider hers while you make a decision for your life. Good luck to you my friend you have a big choice to make.
2006-12-01 01:49:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
You're the idiot that pushed her away and now you're pissed off. I hope you learned from that mistake because it sounds like she did. Stop asking her questions and show her what she was missing while the two of you were apart. If you do things right, you will be the only one that remembers what happened during the split.
2006-12-01 01:43:40 · answer #8 · answered by Rob 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
talk to her about how you feel but remember you are the one who wanted to separate and she moved on. start your relationship now it doesn't do any good living in the past. it can not be undone if you really love her be gratefully she came back to you and not the other man. and telling you all the details is just going to be harder on both of you.
2006-12-01 01:41:31 · answer #9 · answered by parrotsarenoisy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You were not together, you told her you wanted to be apart, and you have no right to be mad or upset. She was lonely and by going to someone else it was filling a void in her life. she was not cheating and if you think she will cheat on you get rid of her. She seems like a nice girl, just forgive and go on with life.
2006-12-01 02:03:07 · answer #10 · answered by sshhmmee2000 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋