Cheating bf of nearly 5 yrs please help!!!?

Question

He got drunk with college friends from 6pm onwards.He then offered to walk a girl he thought didn't like him to the train station.She missed her train.Between the two of them they got a hotel room-double/single I didn't ask.Once in the room he said he wanted to just sleep, but she suggested sex.She guided him into her and they had sex "twice but in the same sequence of events" he also remembers going down on her.The next morning he says he felt awful about it.

Roll on 3 weeks. I notice he hasn't been calling as much as usual. We go out for a meal and when I get flirtatious and suggest going home with him, he backs off.

So last friday. He comes over and tells me what happened. I am shaking. Up to this point we have only ever slept with and gone out with only each other.We have been together for nearly 5 years.Basically its total devastation.But VERY oddly I went home with him that night...Now I feel like I'm losing the plot....HELP ME!!!We're both 24.

He has said sorry.I asked if he wanted to stay together-yes.I asked him if he wanted to stay mongamous and he said yes.He said he loved me and didn't know how to tell me.

But I did ask him if it was exciting and he said yes.

All the gory details were forced out.

Answer 1

Dump him once a cheater always a cheater. He blew his chance. You can do better or you don't even half to have anyone. Become reacquainted with yourself. Good luck.

Answer 2

You have been together for 5 years, getting drunk is no excuse. There are men that get drunk nightly and never sleep with another woman. What makes you think YOUR boyfriend is so much weaker to the effects of alcohol? Chances are he is not. There is something else wrong in your relationship that you both are either ignoring or over looking. Take a much needed break from your relationship, Months maybe even a year or so. You will basically fall out of love with him and him with you. Once this is done agree to be friends and maybe fire things up again. I'm sorry for the pain you feel at this moment, it will pass in time. Although taking a break will make it pass much sooner, You won't be wondering where he is, what he is doing as much. Good luck. I hope he makes the right decision.

Answer 3

Sounds like to me he gave you a far fetched story. Not saying that its not true but seems like what are the chances that she just misses her train then they get a motel and have sex. Also he did not want to sleep if he did he would have turned her down. Next you think you guys have only been with eachother. Ask him why this time did he decide to sleep with her. If he says I was drunk then say well im sure that you have had other girls come on to you while you were drunk why did you not hook up with them and if he says because he does not have a good answer. If he does not give you a real reason and one that just beats around the bush then he is lying. Also watch how he acts, if he looks down, cant look at you, fidgets with stuff like hair, scratching, blinks really fast etc he lying. More then likely he has did it before. Ask him to take a lie detector test. Yes some men do mess up 5 years down the road and its the first time but alot of them have been doing it the whole time and they just never got caught. Maybe he was feeling bad then maybe again he does not want to be with you so he hoped by telling you, you would break up with him because he does not want to be the one to hurt your feeling.

All I know is if you want to give him another chance then do so go with whats in your heart, everyone deserves a second chance however you will never trust him like you did before and you will be jealous more then likely and if he can not handle you being jealous for some period of time and bitching about who he is going out with at times and you eventually never bringing up his wrong doings then it will not work.

Another thing is is he will have to give you all details wheater or not you want them, because you will always have thoughts in the back of your head. Once you know all information even if it hurts you then you can move on and if you find out something new down the road about the situation it will just bring all those bad feelings back so he must tell you everything.

Answer 4

You chicks are masters of making us pay for that...I don't know why you're even posting here asking for help......
I cheated on my g/f about 5 years ago drunk at a party that I was unaware she was even at...Got home went to bed...She shows up at my house at about 5:00p that night looking beautiful (Really, really hot!!)...I have tickets to Metallica and am leaving in a few hours she asks me all kinds of questions about the night before and I have all the anwsers because I'm too smart for her...Then all of a sudden..*wham* kicked in the balls!! (In heels no less) moaning and groaning I make it to my feet *wham* another shot in the balls...I'm all done...She then takes my Metallica ticket tears it up and leaves while I'm just about passed out on the floor (She left my damn front door open too and when the boys came to pick me up it was crazy...) Point being you crazy broads will always know how to exact revenge.....And it's one of the things I hate about you (The only thing)

Answer 5

my oh my what a situation. let me tell you one thing that may be relevant or may not be, (every-ones different).....anyway i was going with my bf for 3 yrs....i found out he cheated by going to a club getting drunk etc. after him begging for forgiveness for weeks on end i gave in as i loved him so much couldn't imagine life without him, however a few weeks later he done the same thing again even though he said he wouldn't gave me all the sob stories. at first i blamed it on the alcohol but later on i knew it was hI'm that drunk as much as he did no-one forced him, so what im trying to say is as much as u cant or didnt want to leave him . really you got to that's my advice some may disagree but its the only way you wont be looking over your shoulder wondering when the next time is etc. it will effect you as a person confidence and all. think about it carefully only you can decide what to do

Answer 6

So whats your question? If he cheated once chances are he will do it again. A good indicator of future behavior is to look at the past. Does he deserve another chance? That only you can decide. However think on this... You've been together 5 years and he cheated. He broke trust, lied, cheated, disrespected you and your relationship and all for what? A one night stand that meant nothing. How does that make you feel he jepordized your relationship for nothing?

Answer 7

I think you should get revenge on him by contacting me and we can book into a hotel and do all the things that he did, plus more, and then you can tell him all the gory details and see how he likes it!

You should be even after this which should enable you to either continue your relationship or break up and continue with the rest of your lives.

Answer 8

Disgusting.
You love him. Duh.
He is your comfort zone, and a large part of your life.
He also engaged in some of the worst, most deceitful behavior imaginable, and you should not keep yourself in a situation that will make you feel physically ill.
Even if he comes crawling back (because he misses that "comfort zone") and whispers sweet nothings to you, he'll probably be picturing her exciting (because it was new and different) naked body when he's aroused - not yours.
Ouch.
You know exactly how this tale must end.

Answer 9

the question is how long you want your relationship to go....if you are thinking of a lifetime stuff...i dont think you are doing the right thing staying with him...i mean look at the way he says it....it was exciting...i mean thats not funny.....i think you better your blood tested...i mean you cant trust someone like him to go long in a relationship...he said sorry nice...but what if you would have done the same ... what would he do if you would say having sex with other man was exciting...well...i think you should call it off...coz the way he said stuff...he sounds wrong...

Answer 10

This may sound petty - but why not cheat on him with a one night stand? Then you'll be even.
This has brought an element of doubt into the relationship.

Answer 11

I don't think he puts much value on your relationship. I don't think an affair can "just happen" or it was an "accident" No one deserves to this kind of treatment you should forget about this loser. If he cheated on you once and felt he could get away with, trust me, he'll do it again.