people with more experience, HELP MEEEE?

Question

have a boyfriend we have been together for 6 years.I am 24 and he is 23. both good looking and educated... I have moved here for 3 months and we have been apart since then.He wants to move here and marry me. We are REALLY good with each other and have so muh fun nd love each other SO MUCH, but the problem is that he is SOOOOOO jelous and gets mad whenever I talk to any guy or laugh or anything. When we are together, we are perfect, but when I even TALK to another guy,(i repeat...talking, not flirting or something) he becomes SO sad and sometimes doesnt say aythingbut suffers inside... I dont know what to do :( sould I break up after 6 years or I have t quit talking to all male creatures!!! cause I am sure I cant change him. I have tried for 6 years but failed....

Additional Details

0 seconds ago
I knw he does it cause he loves me. I have talked to him. but he thinks it is ME who should change, and he thinks you cant have any Guy friends if you are with somebody...But I know tha

Answer 1

He is jealous and insecure... Tell him to get counselling...

Answer 2

:) it happens when someone is in deep love with you. But you know my experience saya love never means Boundation.

Look frnd, if you really love him you wont get any trouble in changing yourself for him And if he really loves you he will never want you to change yourself.

You have to make the decision bt yourself. If you are confused b'coz you have spent 6 years with him let me tell you.... even 10- 12 years doesn't matter. If two persons are uncomfortable with each other b'coz of something they should resolve it, and if they can't resolve it Then there is certainly a doubt whether they love each other truely or not????

Don't make a quick decision but remeber one thing "Excess is always bad" no matter of what it is?? If you ppl love each other, sit together, discuss and both try to change a bit for the sake of the other one.

Relationship is not the responsibility of a single person, there MUST be proper care and enough trust from both the side. Jealousy is good in love BUT only upto that limit where it's not hurting and not damaging anything between you.

Talk with him once again about it. Make your best to resolve this wierd problem. If still there is no conclusion, you will have to think about the Life Time. Life Long relationships can't be builted with BIG compromises.

Both try to change a bit for each other, that will solve your problem as well as will make you closer to each other

I wish you Best of Luck !!
I hope you both will understand each other

Answer 3

I feel you, my dear. He sure sounds like a wonderful guy, except for this one thing - and this one thing should be a huge, loud warning alarm for you to get out.

He's great to you because he loves you, sure. But, another inherent facet of his love is that he feels that he owns you. No matter how much of your heart you give to someone else, they should never own you. The fact that you're so disturbed by this shows that in your heart you already know what's wrong and what you have to do, but you're afraid to lose something you value so much.

This type of guy will treat you like a queen...as long as you conform to their ideal of what a girlfriend/wife should be like. I'm just speculating, but I suspect there may be other aspects of you that he's asked you to make little changes in?

He's also grossly insecure and not only views every other male as a threat (why he hasn't feared other women as lesbians too beats me), but ultimately he doesn't TRUST you. Not one bit. Can you live with a guy whom you know will not trust you to even exchange hellos with the milkman?

I agree with SunshineBabe that such a guy is also more likely to cheat, even though on the surface it doesn't seem like it. I also experienced the same thing with this type of guy. I also agree that excessively jealous guys are often that way to over-compensate for their own fickleness. When they realise you won't be their exact ideal of a partner, they are tempted to look elsewhere. Where they pursue their impossible dream is one thing, but whether you'll stick around long enough to suffer that is another.

I understand, it's tough leaving someone after 6 years, so long that it's become a lifestyle for you. He may love you dearly, but he'll never respect you. You deserve someone who trusts you and accepts you for who you are, not mould you into what they want you to be. You're young - don't waste any more time.

Answer 4

If there's not enough trust for you to talk to another person, guy or girl, then you definitely should not be thinking about marriage! He tells you it's because he loves, well, Scott Peterson loved Lacy Peterson too and look how that ended up! Through this he is just showing you that he wants the control in the relationship and that's never good! I would end it, especially if he thinks you are the only one who should change!

Answer 5

As you state your boyfriend suffers a lack of trust. He does not trust you. That is what causes his jealousy. He has probably been cheated on or abandoned before and not dealt with it, or is untrustworthy himself and thinks he is so you must be too. Could be lots of other things as well. He should seek a councellor, (Pshycologist, Clergy,etc..).

You can't change him. Only he, with help, can change himself. If he admits, and works to change, then he will probably make a suitable father and husband.
If he is unwilling to find out or admit there may be a problem or is unwilling to work to change if there is a problem, then ask the councellor(etc..) what to do.
I'll bet they'll tell you to remember, that marriage is "The rest of you and your kids lives". Jealousy can breed anger, resentment, and ultimately violence. The decision is yours.
Please don't take my word for it, go seek the help of the professional and spiritual people in your community. They may have other options.

Answer 6

I know a girl who is still in this position. Except they are married and have a kid now and she feels its too late to call it quits. She has no friends (NONE) only because her boyfriend, now husband, wouldn't let her talk to any of them. He used to say "Only girls, no guys" She listen like some dumb sh!t. Now she cant even talk to girls. She can only talk to her parents, his parents, her siblings, his siblings, her aunts (not uncles), his aunts and uncles and girl cousins on both sides - but only the girl cousins that he knows. I have not talk to her since the day she got engaged which was three years ago, and only know how she is doing from her brother. According to him, she is depressed and eventhough she never utter it, he knows that she wants out. She just wont admit that she had made the mistake of not listening to any of her friends.

So, advice to you is; LEAVE HIM if he does not want to change. I am not kidding when I tell you that this is going to be worse. And if you do decide to marry him, know that it is purely YOUR decision and you cannot blame anyone if you end up miserable.

Answer 7

the answer to your problem is simple, implementation might be a little difficult though. You need to think and compare your life with him and without him and then choose the kind of life you want to live. You need to also see and understand where he is coming from. I used to be exactly like this. I used to be jealous when my wife talked to any man. This was because of my past relationships. I did a self analysis and thought why am I punishing my wife and myself for something wrong someone did to me?
In your case there is no self realization, so you decide how do you want to live the rest of your life, without him or with the stress and the fights, because it is not practically possible for you not to talk to the male gender.

Answer 8

I am saying this from experience I had the greatest guy in the world I mean he would do anything for me and never in a million years would he lie or cheat or anything he too was jealous like that and I knew the age old thing the one who is jealous is like that because they had something to hide but not him at least I though I found out well into our dating I mean years that in the beginning like the first couple of weeks he cheated on me I found it out from a friend of his and confronted him about it and he then told me everything. I am not saying he has cheated on you but it sounds like he is hiding something and is trying to keep you from doing the same. I wouldn't marry him until he changes that I mean you shouldn't go around acting single but that doesn't mean you cant talk to a guy.....

Answer 9

It sounds as though he is rather insecure. You two have been together for a long time, and if you don't see his behaviour changed by now, that is the obvious red flag that you are ignoring. If you are not comfortable with that, move on, even though it is hard after so long. You are in your prime years, and maybe it's time to assert some independence.

Answer 10

It sounds like he is the one with the problem. He is either very insecure or he doesn't trust you, or a bit of both. If your relationship is to work out, then this is a problem (his problem) which must be addressed. Counseling is needed to deal with ~his~ problem so that your relationship can grow and last. The best type of counseling is one where both of you participate, both together and separately. However, if he is unwilling to address the problem, or even admit that he has a problem, then there is little hope of your relationship lasting.

Answer 11

I dont think its really love that he feels for you...what he loves is the idea of falling inlove.he could get a counselling or you can move on without him and find a more mature guy.always remember, being a little possesive in a relationship is ok but too much leads to obsessiion and fatal attraction.