My 19 year old daughter sat on my lap and I became aroused?

Question

I have a problem. I am a 45 year old male and was recently at a wedding of a relative, and my 19 year old daughter at one point came over and sat on my lap. Now before I go further let me say I have NEVER had any sexual thoughts about her in ANY way. In fact I'm disgusted and confused at what happened. But, when she sat on my lap I became aroused.

I pray to GOD she didn't notice but I think she did. She looked uncomfortable and strange as it sounds that made it WORSE. I had to quickly get up and walk away.

My daughter is very attractive and was wearing a very tight dress. I am wondering if physically this may have been the reason I became aroused. Mabye my "other head" got confused? I'm trying to rationalize this. PLEASE HELP! What the hell happened?

Answer 1

Hopefully it was just a one time thing. If she asks about it, explain to her that you are not sexually attracted to her and you are just as freaked out by it as her. I am not sure how I would react if that happened with my father and I. Good luck and don't think you are a bad person. I'm sure you didn't mean for that to happen.

Answer 2

You reacted as a normal male would react to an attractive female. Your body does not make a difference between whether it is your daughter or unknown female. However, the danger comes in when the male acts on those impulses. The good news is that you didn't. You realized that it was "morally" wrong by our culture and stopped before anything further developed. This does not mean you are sick or you need help. If you had acted on the impulse and made a conscious decision to have sexual relations with your daughter, then, in this culture, you should seek help. My suggestion, since you know now you have this attraction, is to insure that the two of you are not alone together. Make sure that she does not sit on your lap. If you wish to talk with a counselor, you can. They can help you to sort things out in your mind, but you already know the answer and that is why you felt the way you did... that is why you got up and left... that is why you are having this quandary now. Relax, you are a normal male. Just take precautionary steps to insure that it doesn't happen again and that there are no opportunities for it to occur or progress to a higher stage of involvement.

Answer 3

My question is why did she sit on your lap in the first place? This does not seem appropriate to me.

I understand that you may feel uncomfortable about what happened, but -- hey-- you're right, your other head did get confused in a way that's entirely "natural." After all, it was her butt that it was sensing, not her face.....

It is civilization, not nature, that tells us that father/daughter sexual interest is wrong. (Actually, even the Bible does not say it's wrong, check it out for yourself if you don;t believe me).

And, within the context of society, it is *not* acceptable. At any rate, it's not your fault.

I guess my real question is what kind of boundaries does your family have about physical contact. Why did your daughter feel that it was OK to sit on your lap?

I am not far from your age, a woman with an 18 year old son. One of the things I used to love when he was little was taking naps together-- I would read to him, we would drink hot herbal tea, then fall asleep, When he got a little older-- around 11 or 12-- I felt it wasn;t appropriate anymore. My mother thought I was "making it nasty," reading too much sexuality into the situation. I thought I was behaving responsibly, so as not to send mixed signals to my son about physical intimacy. Of course, my mom also couldn;t understand why, at the age of 35, I didn;t want to pee in the bathroom while my dad, her husband, was shaving.

You did nothing wrong. You don't say whether there was drinking involved, but if so, that would definitely be a factor, for both of you.

Your daughter, if she is 19, needs to understand that sitting on someone's lap is not an "innocent" act at her age. She needs to understand, as well, that men who are not her father might interpret this as an invitation.

This is hard (sorry for the pun) but I hope you can find some peace in your heart over it. I'd suggest giving it some time, then maybe talking with her about it if there seems to be discomfort between the two of you. If not, why not just let it go as something that .. just sort of happened.

Blessings to you

Answer 4

Well don't beat yourself up over it. You are just flesh and blood after all and the males of the species were created essentially for one thing. You said she is beautiful and was wearing a very tight dress. Maybe you had a little wine, maybe she caught you off guard. Don't get me wrong, it is kind of weird. But, again, you're a healthy red-blooded American male. But it's not the end of the world. And I don't think apologizing to her would make it any better. Chances are she didn't notice. Besides, she's probably a little too old to be sitting in anybody's lap. You immediately excused yourself and that was the best thing you could have done. It could have been worse, ever see the movie Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Let it go Dad.

Answer 5

First, I would like to apologise on behalf of some of the people who took the time out of their day to MAKE YOU FEEL MORE GUILTY. I won't publish my thoughts about them here.

The fact that you feel guilty about your reaction to your daughter proves that you have a conscience.

Arousal is a chemical reaction in the brain that does not differentiate between right or wrong (per the morality or the world, religion, society or your own personal beliefs). You cannot necessarily control it.

Having said that, if your daughter did notice and if she was as uncomfortable with your reaction as you were, then you need to take immediate reaciton to rectify the situation. Since she sat on your lap at a wedding, in public, this indicates to me that up until now you and your daughter have had a very close, loving relationship. If this feeling of guilt and discomfort between you is not resolved soon, that relationship could cease to exist as you know it.

Talk to her. Let her know how beautiful she has become and that, even though you are her father, and love her, your reaction to her was to the woman and not to the person. Let her know that you have never had sexual thoughts or fantasies about her and that you feel excessive guilt over what transipired and the stress it has caused in your relationship. Do not get angry. Do not place blame. If she gets angry or distraught, let her flame it our and accept it as natural. This, too, shall pass.

It may be that once she noticed your reaction she felt guilty by it as well. The important thing is that you talk about it, FORGET it and move on, maintaining and honest and open relationship between yourselves.

I know this is not easy advice and raising the issue with your daughter will be very uncomfortable as well. But I believe this is the best and fastest way to resolve your dilemma... God speed and good luck.

Answer 6

well its an honest answer and you sound as if you want to sort this out, just by asking the question. Im affraid your gona have to see some help as you cannot go through the rest of your childs life like this as it will ruin your relationship and you may even end up in jail if you freak her out!!! It is extremely grose, and if you ever have a sexual though about her again, you should just remind your self how truly discusted you made us fellow yahoos feel!! she is your baby girl, not some sassy whore...dont forget that!!! Plus you should be the one telling her to put something more appropriate on, and a longer skirt (like a regular overprotective dad who wants to stop other guys perving on her would) you are not supposed to be the purve that gets arroused!!!

Answer 7

I don't think it's perversion.

I think it's male instinct reacting to an attractive female. It's a natural reaction. Of course, cultural settings and upbringing, gave you a flag down. The fact, that you find it a problem, is a good sign you are not a pervert.

If you still have your wife, talk to her. Tell her what happened. The act of telling your wife about it, is a good safeguard mechanism so you wont act on your instinct.

Then, together, you and your wife talk about it with your daughter so as to do away with any awkwardness the situation may have brought.

Isn't there are a pop psyche that, subconsciously, a son choose a wife most likely like his mother, or daughter a husband most likely like her father? This idea may be crap but it isn't perversion.

Answer 8

I don't think your sick, and you don't need counseling UNLESS you see children as sexual playthings. That doesn't seem to be the case. At least she's not nine and that happened. That would be MUCH worse. I think your body responded and not your mind. But do yourself [and your daughter too] don't let her sit on your lap anymore. There's nothing wrong with a parent and child being close but it seemed to have gotten a bit out of hand and it's time to stop sitting on daddy's lap.

Answer 9

first of all if this is a real situation then I do not think of you as a bad person as bad as it sounds you probably did feel a bit attracted to her because of how she was dressed and you are male and she is female and that's what usually happens when a man sees a women but on the other hand honey this is your own daughter and this can not be happening I think a counselor could give you the best advice and you should seek one. as for her noticeing just explain it wa a accident and she might be to much of a woman to be sitting on you now.
on the other hand if this is fake just for attention you should still seek a counselor o.k? if you need that much attention i feel bad for you sugar but in the end good luck and don't listen to all the down sided opions about you you are none of those things.

Answer 10

at 19, shes waaay to old to be sitting on your lap. Thats inappropriate to begin with. I'm sure it was a case of 'your other head' getting confused. At least you had enough courage to walk away. You might want to seek counseling of some sort. My daughter(21) quit sitting on her dads lap around 6 or 7 yrs old.

Answer 11

YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST READ YOUR OTHER QUESTION YOU ARE A SICKO STOP PLAYING WITH PEOPLE AND ASK REAL QUESTIONS PEOPLE TRY TO HELP YOU AND GIVE REAL ANSWER FOR YOU AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO........MY ANSWER TO YOU B4 I FOUND OUT YOU WERE A FAKE.......Dont listen to all the name calling..I think you had every mans nightmare come true on you...The important thing is that you didnt mean for it to happen and you didnt try to react on it period. I have a Daughter to I hope to GOD I never get put in this situation. I also read were someone said that you had to have looked at her in a sexual manner because you noticed the tight dress. Thats bull right there that doesnt mean anything. But we notice change in them and they do grow up and start to look like women. Talk to your daughter lie and tell her that it was because you popped a viagra earlier, because you were planning a wild night with her mom or something damn dude just play it off crap happens. and remember you didnt act on it and you didnt want to get aroused...and it sounds like you were ashamed and embarassed about it.