ok to date friend's ex?

Question

I want all opinions, good or bad...
So one of my good friends dated this girl for about a year and a half. She broke up with him once because of distance issues then got back together then broke up for good 2 years ago because she cheated on him. The girl and I have been good friends for 4 years. My buddy has now been dating a chick for a year who he says he loves. About 6 months ago, his ex and I had a thing for each other and "stuff" happened. I told him 3 weeks ago and he hasnt talked to me since and neither have 2 other close friends. The ex and I are just friends now and nothing more but we had more than just a one night stand.

Am I in the wrong here?...I feel I had feelings for her and he was in love with someone else so he shouldnt have been so mad.

What do you think?

To clariy, this was not a 1 night stand, feelings between us had been going on for about 5 months before anything ever happened.

The 2 close friends that are mad, 1 who I told in confidence said to tell him right away which I unfortunately didnt and then once I told my friend, that guy turned his back on me. The other guy is far closer friends with me then the guy I did this to but yet he wont talk to me either.
This whole thing has caused a big division between a group of friends because half agree that nothing is wrong and the others dont.

Should I have just never told him?

This exact thing happened to me and I lost a best friend over it but realized I handled it wrong and that is why I dont see what I did was so wrong.

Should I have to end my friendship with the girl to keep his friendship...that would make me look like an even lousier friend, dontcha think?

Answer 1

I was in a similar situation, except I dated a guy for long time and fell in love and the whole bit, then a few months or a year after we broke up my best friend slept with him...I was hurt when I figured it out about 2 weeks after it happened, neither one of them told me...anyways I was very hurt however I never let them know that I knew and eventually forgave her. I think that he truly was not over their relationship even though he said he was in love with someone else...I think eventually he will come around...

Answer 2

You know, you could have talked to him about it before hand... but if it came up out of nowhere.... sheesh. It isn't the worst thing in the world to date a friends ex, especially one who he hasn't been with in years, and when he's already moved on. It's not like she became his permanent property when they hooked up so very long ago. If you had met them separately, could he still be mad? I don't know, I have personally feelings regarding this issue myself, but I think that although you may have upset your friend, this does not make you a terrible person. He just may think that you value certain things more than your friendship, which you very well might. Unless you can ask your friend before hand, I guess you have to be prepared to deal with the whole tangled mess of relationships past when you tango with an ex. Sorry.

Answer 3

i would never date a friends ex, regardless of whether they are in love with someone else or not. because nothing good usually ever turns up out of it. because although they may have moved on doesnt mean that it still won't hurt them because after all he was with her for such a long time and when you love someone it is truly hard to get over them. not to mention the fact that you waited so long to tell him about it doesnt help. if anything i think you should have talked to him about it before anything happened to see his opinion on it, that way it saved you the loss of a good friend.

Answer 4

Buddy...if she cheated on him, what makes you think she'll be loyal to you??? And do you really want to be involved with such a promiscuous woman??? And by the way...It's NOT ok to date your friends ex. From the sounds of it, you already screwed up a friendship, and for what??? Can't you find someone without attachments? Or do you just like picking up where your friends left off?

Answer 5

It's an ego thing. Don't go where your friends have been and all that. Guys are afraid that girls will compare friends to each other and that they might come up short if you know what I mean. If you really like this girl and you can really see yourself building a life with her, then I say go for it. You will probably lose your friend for good, but are you going to spend the rest of your life with your good buddy or some hot chick haha. Just kidding, but I say go for it.

Answer 6

1. never date an x of a family member or friend .
2.it was just sex right,so why did ya have to tell him?
competitive much?
3.she cheated on him so you can't be taking her seriously.
4.was it worth it? now be a good boy and and go apoligize and never do that again.
5.good luck

Answer 7

Sorry but i do think you are in the wrong...

Its wrong to get with your good friends ex's (its an unsaid rule that everybody should just know) Especially seeing they went out for quite a while...Sorry but you asked for the truth...

Answer 8

Ru really his friend is this some type of keep in the family thing. Its no fun if your homey cant have nun...Please look at your friendship are you his friend and how will you explain dating her...

Answer 9

women come and go but a good friend is hard to come by.go for the girl only if you are 100% sure she is the one.

Answer 10

I think you are right . How ever to make two other people mad at you makes me wonder what you said and how you said it .