Teacher- How to tell parent to stop babying her kid?

Question

I teach Pre-kindergarten and have 4 students whose mothers baby them... to the extreme. Their shortcomings are: the inability to drink from a cup (only use sippies at home), inability to use a fork or spoon (mommy feeds them in the mouth still), boys who don't pee standing up and one in diapers still, baby babbling instead of speaking clear words. So my question is, how can I tactfully tell these parents that their children are behind and need to become more independent? I'm not a parent yet and would like to hear some tactful ways to break it to them, better yet if you can do it in spanish.

Answer 1

Tell them , that while you are aware that each child will develop at their own pace, there are certain milestones that they should have reached by now.

Let them know that these are skills you would like the children to practice at home and be ready to explain why.

Keeping up with their peers may be one reason (peeing standing up/using a cup/speaking clearly), developing their fine-motor skills may be another (eating with a spoon/fork, drinking from a cup).
If it's possible to have the children attempt these skills at school, you'll be able to tell the parents honestly that they are indeed capable of doing them.

Also, give the parents activities they can do with the children to help them learn and practice these skills.

ie: the babbler may be asked to recite nursery rhymes with mom or dad, the sippy cup user can practice drinking from a cup at dinner time or in the bath tub, and the other can use a fork or spoon for meals - have the parents make a game of it (pretend they're a bulldozer/crane - pick up the food and bring it to their mouth. Give them a # of bites they have to eat.).
As for the boy who doesn't pee standing up - is it really imperative that he stands up to pee? My hubby is 32 and for the most part,he sits down to pee!

I like the idea of assigning these tasks as homework to the WHOLE CLASS.

Answer 2

Have you talked to them yet? Tell them in a calm unemotional way. Explain to them that once the child reaches school that there are a few things that they are expected to do. WRITE up a sheet in both English and Spanish of what you expect every child to be able to do, and then send it home with EVERY child.

Give the children "homework" to drink out of a regular cup, and feed themselves.

As far as the bathroom is concerned, there may be other issues. Is it a problem for you if the boys prefer to sit, they may end up being the only men who put the seat down. I have known a few 4 year olds who are still in diapers; some will use the potty at home, but are afraid to use public restrooms, or adult size toilets. You will need to talk to the parents to know what the root of the problem is.

Answer 3

Gah! I know how you feel!
My step-daughter is babied beyond belief by her natural mother and grandmother. She's almost 8 now.
I can tell you how things are going to be for these kids if these parents don't cut back a little.
My stepdaughter wasn't talking clearly untill 6 (she still can't say some words)
She doesn't have any compassion for other people (Because she was always "the baby" treated like an only child for so long)
She wasn't out of diapers untill she was almost 4.
She had a dummy until almost 4.
She still can't go to the toilet properly without someone having to check she wipes correctly.
She can't bathe herself, or doesn't do it properly (I'm not talking about turning on the taps - even at 8 this can be dangerous, we get the bath going for her, but someone has to stand there incase she falls over and to make sure she washes properly)
The mother makes us fill out a book on what she eats, drinks and when she goes to the bathroom (and what for)
In return, she's behind in her class, (grade 2) she can hardly read, even the basics. While all her other classmates are doing well. she hates school work because she can't understand it.
We only have her one weekend a fortnight (2 weeks) and it seems whatever progress we make with her when she's here, is backtracked by the next time we see her.
And there is nothing we can say about it, because when we do, the other party can't and don't see that they are doing anything wrong.
Personally, I feel like they are doing this intentionally, perhaps not.. But they must feel a need to be needed.
I doubt there is much you can do to change their ways without offending them. Perhaps invite them to talk to you one on one about the progress they are making in class. Make subtle comparisations about their child and other children in the class.
Best of luck.

Answer 4

I think parents benefit by getting information differently. For instance, copy an article out of a baby magazine with milestones that should be met. Hand it out and say I thought the parents would find it interesting. Or simply say we are working on drinking from a cup in school maybe you can reinforce this at home? A 4 yr. old in diapers is appaling though. You need to say something like "I don't think they will enroll him in Kindergarten if he isn't potty trained. Good luck. Some parents are idiots.

Answer 5

wow what pre kindergarden allows diapers? anyway do not refer to it as babying and no not pee standing is really no problem. Rather have parent conferance & ask the parents to work w/ their children on the skills such as independently drinking from a big cup or using a fork or spoon etc. The parents should not get offended then

Answer 6

Maybe you could introduce some kind of report/school grades type thing. We have something similar at our kinder/prekinder. You could have a part with expected age approriate skills. Things like fine motor skills (which would be self feeding, building block towers) You could comment on if you believed they are at these age appropriate levels. If a child is behind in a certain area, you could add a comment on activities they can do to catch up.
Maybe these parents dont even realise there children are behind.

Some parents may not like being told straight to there face there child is a baby and its there fault.

Answer 7

Well you can't make people raise their kids a certain way. Parents take how they raise their kids very personal and even suggesting something different could cause a sore spot with the parents.

Perhaps you can mention that their child appears to be developmentally behind the other kids in the class.

Approaching the situation like that may get the parents to ask you what they can do.

Answer 8

About the babbling/not speaking clearly, I would give parents some statistics about the development of speech for other children their age and recommend a speech therapy class. Alot of public schools offer them free of charge. Sometimes kids take awhile to potty train. I wouldn't call that babying. Other than that who cares, it's their kid. Unless it interferes with your schedule, time, or teaching abilities let it fly.

Answer 9

Hmm, well honestly, none of the things you mentioned are actually issues outside of your school setting. How someone pees is really none of your concern-I know the school makes it your concern, but just think about it. If the kids can use sippy cups, then they can also use regular cups, but more than likely, they have a preference for what they are used to. Do you not have preferences? You probably drink bottled water, hell, some adult water bottles even have "nipples". Does that make you "slower" than those who prefer straws or straight glasses? Inability to use a fork or spoon? Big deal. I have never seen one adult in my life eat straight with their hands, but not all adult humans eat with forks or spoons, some eat with chop sticks. If the kids still want to eat with their hands, it better to respect where they are instead of try to force them to please you. It's not their job to make your job easy. Most doctors aren't concerned about children's speech until after age 2, some even 2.5. If the children's doctors aren't concerned, you surely shouldn't be.

When you say "behind", which I would NEVER recommend saying to a parent, what do you mean? Is a 9 month old who walks more "advanced" in a real sense than a 13 month who just begins to walk? Science says, "no" and doctors say don't compare infants because they all develop at their own rate. This should apply to ALL humans of ALL ages! We are all different, and none of us deserves to be pitted against others as less than or better than according to what comes natural to us. In fact, science has shown that "gifted" children actually develop SLOWER than what we consider to be "normal". So you may not know what you are talking about in reference to who these kids are and will be, so long as they are not destroyed as infants in their self-esteem and desire to continue to happily learn as they have been before they meet you. Hopefully, you can be a real mentor and guide for them, and have fun with them instead of taking their inventory and nitpicking at their normal development at such a young, defenseless, age.

Answer 10

Be polite when telling them. Act like you are conserned about their development. Mention that they are behind on a few things than their peers.
(About the peeing up thing. My son is 3 and a half, he pees sitting down. My hubby is in the service and I wouldn't know where to start on teaching him how to pee standing up. )