gain communication rights. Ive been clean and sober for over 5 and a half years. When i started using i gave my son to my mother who in turn placed him with my half sister. I've completed all the goals and expectations that she placed on me in order to have visitation and communication priviledges. Everytime i completed one hurtle, she would put a new stipulation on the: "when you complete this sucessfully", you-can-see- your-son deal, that was agreed upon five years ago. Everytime i find out where they live, she moves. Everytime i get a number, she changes it. And I'm ready to give up. I dont want to bring lawyers into this and put my son in the middle of a tug of war and i definately cant ask him to choose. After all, he doesnt really even know me. I know she's been a wonderful mother and a good role model because my son has grown into a responsible gentleman, or so i've heard. Should I just give up and leave well enough alone? Or fight for my son?
2006-11-30 15:54:19 · 6 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My son is fourteen. Its not like he's with another family he's with my sister and he knows she's his aunt. I would never in a million years take him from his friends and family. As far as guilt goes, I had many many years in prison to deal with that aspect and if anything, my experiences have helped mold him into the man he is today. My sister and i both believe in keeping it real with our children. He knows my past, what i did, and the reprecussions my choices brought me. Its just since my one and only visit,has she stopped calling and started moving and what not. When I visited him for the first time (I hadnt seen him since he was 4, and he was 12 at time of visit). She competed with me at every turn, made me feel stupid, ugly, and literally incapable of making rational decisions. She's a police officer, and very intimidating. On my 2nd night there, she called me out in the front yard and threatened me with physcial violence in front of my son. but im getting away from the quest.
2006-11-30 16:59:19 · update #1
You don't say how old your son is. I think that one day he will want to meet you and have you be a part of his life. I can't even imagine how you must feel not being able to see him and get to know him, but he's been with this family for so long, I'm afraid that it might really confuse him if you showed up out of nowhere.
Is it possible for you to wait until he's an adult, and then send him a letter? I applaud and admire you for getting control of your life. I'm sure you've been in recovery long enough to know that sometimes the family members of addicts are so fearful and distrustful of the addict that the bridge can't be repaired.
I hope this is not true for you, but in any event, you have proven yourself and done well for yourself. Continue to do everything you can to live a better life, and for the sake of your son, wait until he's an adult and then contact him.
I wish you the very best. You've accomplished a lot.
2006-11-30 16:20:38 · answer #1 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to wonder what your motivation for wanting to speak to him after all this time would be. I have a feeling that it is more about assuaging your own guilt. I can understand where you are coming from. But I have to respect where your half sister is coming from as well. She is worried you will try to destroy the life she has built with your son. And yes he is your son and if you are clean and productive, you could have your legal rights reinstated. But to what end? Are you ready to tear him away from the only mother he has ever known? If you aren't careful you could damage your relationship with your son even more. You should sit down with your sister and have an honest, up front conversation. Find out what her concerns are. It may be that you have to agree to only have supervised visits say once a month in an environment that he would feel comfortable like their home.
2006-12-01 00:14:05 · answer #2 · answered by Sissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is your son? If he is over the age of 7 there really is no way for you to start taking over being mommy. You may have to wait until he is old enough to tell the courts he wants to come live with you. (That will only work if you move into his area and allow him daily/almost daily visits with the mom he has been raised with) Otherwise you will have to wait until he is 18 and you can approach him adult to adult. In the meantime. work on building a home to visit someday. The best way to approach this matter is to hire a third party (lawyer) to contact him/his family.
2006-12-01 00:12:02 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what, fight for yur son. That`s a must do. If u give up your mother is gonna know that ur a LOSER. Your boy will know that ur a loser. do u want that 2 happen? Keep fighting and show everyone that ur NOT a loser
2006-12-01 00:30:53 · answer #4 · answered by XxA&SXx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would continue to fight for the right for my son to at least know the truth.
2006-12-01 00:09:48 · answer #5 · answered by Tony T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to try one more time, do two things. Get her stipulations in writing, and also reassure her that you are not trying to get custody.
2006-12-01 00:05:51 · answer #6 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋