What do you do with a 4 yr that has anger issue?

Question

I have a 4 yr old, who has had a lot to deal with in his short life, his parents splitting up and hardly seeing his father has crushed him and at the same time had to deal with the birth of his sister. This all happened 2 years ago, and the anger in him is getting worse. He has had developmental problems which now I have him up to speed. He is now at violent point and i have to pin him down till he calms down. Any suggestions would be great im at wits end. I have tried time outs, locking him in his room but he bashed the door in. He has got so bad he actually got me cornored with him hitting kicking punching biting scratching, anything he can physically do. Please help I dont no what else i can do!

Answer 1

You need to seek a proffessional. It may be a case called "anger-overload" which lasts longer than just regular anger (a few minutes). Anger-overload is very likely accompanied by physical destruction or harm to another person. I don't want to scare you, but it may also be AD/HD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) or bipolar disorder. Get him to a specialist and have them determine whether or not he suffers from any of these disorders so you can find out the best treatment for him.
Check this site out for info on anger-overload: http://www.ldonline.org/article/6029
Good Luck.

Answer 2

The sport answer is a real good idea. Find out what preferrably a sport that he really likes. Importnat that he makes the choice not you. Then you wear him out playing it. Just you play with him 1st, then introduce others. Try to pick a sport that carries through to older years. But dont be afraid to change it if he suddenly loses interest. You must fix this before school or kindy starts or he will hurt someone and then the trouble really starts. Schools cant handle these problems. Is there a male in his life.? If there isnt find one, someone totally trustworthy of course and ask them to help, he can take him to sport again, and have him participate. Male to male when they are alone does wonders as males dont put up with each others crap, they ignore it, and it can really work, no smacking necassary its only mums or carer mums who do the serious worrying, thats what you do and thats OK. Even give him some responsibility, think about this one. And of course make sure hes not in pain. Try liquid panandol just too make sure and see if the behaviour changes. If it does he may be in pain, you just never know. At the same time as the sport thing you must must watch the diet. Remove all strongly colour lollies and no softdrinks dont have them in the house, dont you have them, dontbuy them. I have known people who have done this and the results are miraculous, it can just be diet. Remove lollies, coke, cordials, chips, all fast food, or maybe a little just in moderation, you may see the change when he hasd these foods. The more i think about this this diet thing could be your answer. Try it over Xmas, dont make it too radical that he notices. Have lemonade instaed of coloured drinks, no no salty chips. If all this fails he may need a mild sedative which you can then ease him off regardless of what the GP says, ween them off medication if you possibly can. But it may be your only solution. My dear you are not alone. Thinking of you. :-)

Answer 3

The way you write this sounds as if my niece is sitting next to you and helping you write it. She has just gone through the same thing with my nephew and your right, it's enough to make you pull your hair out!!

I am not sure if this will help, but this is what she is doing and things are getting better for him.

She went to her childs doctor and told him all of the things that happened; the fighting that he overheard during the marriage, the father that all of a sudden disappeared, the baby sister that is taking up all of moms time (and if feels like he is being replaced).
The doctor put him on something to help with mood swings, it isn't a tranquilizer or anti depressant, it is something for anxiety and a very mild form. It hasn't any long term effects like a lot of sleeping or anything like that, But it has helped to control the temper tantrums that used to happen. Now she can explain things to him and he takes it with a grain of salt.

She has started calling him 'My little man" and "The Big Brother" and that helps too. She showed him how his sister thinks he is terrific and always smiles when he is around because she loves him so much. (That made him feel like only he could take care of her the right way) because he said "Mom she always listens to me because I am her Big Brother".

I hope it helps a little and let a doctor know what he is going thorough. They are going to keep him on this medication for another 3 months and then start to take him off because he seems to be doing so well.

Answer 4

Sorry sweetie but you do need to get him therapy. If he has anger issues now and you don't get him any help, you are only setting him up for failure in the future. Plus...if this goes unresolved, he could be a very violent MAN....that will then fall back on you. What are you going to do as he gets older,stronger, and angrier? You do have another child to think about as well. I know it sounds scary but you can't give up on him, and reassure him that he is a good boy and you won't give up on him. He has had alot of negativity so surround him with only positivity.

Answer 5

Gee my parents broke up when I was 4 and I wasn't a brat. Why do we call it an anger issue when the fact is that children are spoiled brats and sometimes need good old fashioned disipline. When you let a child (no matter how young)have their way and give into them, this is going to happen. Just wait till he becomes a teenager. He probably needs some temporary medication and good strong disapline.

Answer 6

Honey, this is not right and in no way is it normal. The boy needs some medical help and they may be able to give him some medication to calm him down also he must need therapy too. He is four years old and been trough a lot and he needs help coping with things. If you do not tackle this now then it is going to get a whole lot worse in the future.

Answer 7

he needs an outlet...how about KUNG-FU, or Taekwando.... a great way for himt o let it out, but still learn how to contain it. maybe indoor soccer, or hockey...something that takes a lot of energy, that he needs to burn....even gymnastics...maybe a sport with some structure? i watched on super nanny once a kid like that, and she made him play a game in his timeout chair...it was a breathing technique...which caused the boy to calm down.... i cant rememeber to whole thing, but it wasnt just a time out chair, it was a station, .... there are things you can do...stay calm ( as hard as it is) hug him lots.... i dont know what else to tell you.

Answer 8

This poor little guy has a lot of anger and pain. Maybe you really should talk with a counselor. They would have the best advise for you. Good luck. Have a lot of patients with him.

Answer 9

I feel sorry for the both of you.With him dealing with all of these problems at such a young age.As for you,you don't deserve his violent tendencies.I would definitely suggest taking him for counseling to deal with his grief and emotions.Also,seek a doctor for him.I wish you both the best..

Answer 10

Get him therapy before it goes any further.