What do you do when you find out your 5 year old has been touched inappropriately?

Question

My daughter (Ann) is 5. During a conversation with a friend today, the word "sex" came up. Ann said she has done sex before. When asked what she meant she said the following: Me and Jake (7 year old boy next door), and Lisa were at Lisa's house playing house. I was mom, Jake was dad, and Lisa(also 5) was the child. Jake and Ann were lying in the bed, and Jake reached under her panties on her backside and "rubbed" her vagina. It stated to hurt, so Ann told him to stop. Jake stopped. On another occasion, Jake pulled his pants down and showed Lisa his penis. These things occurred at Lisa's house, while Lisa's parents were home and in the other room. I have called and notified the police, they said to call Social Serices in the morning and that a police report would be filed. He also suggested I speak to both Lisa's parents as well as Jake's. What do you all recommend? How would you go about doing it? Would you consider this molestation or childhood curiosity?

Jake will never again have the opportunity to do this to my daughter. I just want to know how much of a fuss to make and how rude I should be.

My daughter is not enrolled in school. (She was born a month too late). She has never been in childcare, never been to preschool. We do not speak of sex in the home. She knows what a vagina and penis is, but she even showed me the size Jake's penis was- and it seemingly was correct. (She would have never guess the size of an 8 year old if she had ever seen my husband, or anything on television). I would never put ideas like this in my daughters mind. I was careful to ask non leading questions, I do not want this to be the case. I would never push her to answer in the way she did. Furthermore, my daughter has had issues with vaginal irritation and yeast infections. I only pray it has gone no futher than I already know. The docter will be visited soon.

I am not an idiot. My daughters name is not Ann. The neighbor boy's name is not Jake. My daughters friends name is not Lisa. I would never post a childs real name to the internet. So, to you who made the comment. back the f**k off! I'm trying to find help for my daughter, not advice from freaks or perverts.

Answer 1

Children are usually naturally curious about the human body by the time they reach this age but from yoru description of things, it seems to go beyond natural curiousity. I think you would be doing the right thing to report it to authorities-for one thing, where does "Jake" have such knowledge to do such things? Did he see it in a movie when parents thought he was sleeping? Did someone do these kind of things to him? Or did he just hear older people talking about such things? So you see, if you call Social Services, they will also go question "Jake" to find out where he has such knowledge from, since the average 7 yr old does not know about sex or foreplay. "Jake" may have been molested, that may be where he has his knowledge from, so calling SS will maybe keep it from happening to him again if this is whats going on, plus keep it from happening to your daughter again thru his actions.
Your question of whether it is molestation is one you already know the answer to. Whether it is legally considered as child molestation I do not know as all states have differing laws. Also, if "Jake" has been molested, he needs help to keep him from growing up to be a child rapist and for the mental/emotional issues that will surely crop up. Calling SS may get "Jake" removed from his parents house but it is better he be removed until they can make sense of what is going on. If he has been sexually abused elsewhere he will be given back to his parents. I know it is traumatic for a child to be taken from his parents but think of what trauma he may be going thru anyhow.
Meanwhile, I would talk to "Lisa's" parents and let them know what is going on, as "Jake" may have also done things to her, and she needs to be protected too. Plus it sounds like her parents need to keep a better eye on the kids when they play together. Social Services will probably also want to talk to "Lisa" to try to piece together what happened.
I think as a parent you are right to be very concerned and to call SS about it. I would right away.

Answer 2

Honey you need to relax and take a few deep breaths. First calling the police on a 7yr old was extreme. I have 4 girls and although I know you don't want to hear this what these children did is very normal. All children boys and girls will experiment if given the opportunity, It's just human nature and although I too would be upset I think you are really blowing this way out of proportions. i would contact parents and of course keep a wide birth from this little boy. Also talk to your daughter and let her know that little girls and boys should not play this. Please don't call social services on this family... It's a 7yr old not a teenager or adult.. he has no concept of sex they are just curious. I know it's frustrating and you feel your daughter has been violated but they are children. And children do stupid things sometimes but rarely with malaise or intent.

Answer 3

Jake was 7? My situation was alot worse. My son was 8 until 14 and was being molested by my best friend.I never knew till he came foward at the age of 17. He had many problems after that until this day. This man is now a Registered Sex offender. Since Jake is a minor I dont know what they will do. But you need to keep him away!! My god its so sad when it comes to our children.I really dont think it will be considered molestation. You might want to get counseling for Ann. I would. It can effect her mentally. I', so sorry. God Bless.

Answer 4

well i would not let her go to lisa house no more and i would let lisa's parents what they have had going on in their home and that they should have been paying attention better

i would definetly call social services and at least talk to them and ask them farther what you could do

and i would definetly have a nice long talk with jakes parents about how there son should keep his pants on!

my son is 8 i can"t imagine him doing something like this and if he did i would want to be told..

maybe this jake has seen to much from somewhere else you know

yah i know it is not easy for kids to make friends but your daughter definetly needs some new ones right now

Answer 5

I do believe you should meet with both sets of parents,seperate or as a group. Meet on neutral terms/ground. Of course,not out in public. You may want to have someone from Social Services there to help everyone remain calm and be informed of your concerns and rights as "Ann's" parent. They could act as a Mediator/third party. Obviously, there are things going on in "Jakes" home that has allowed him access to see and know such things. I would be very concerned about his well being. You also should inform "Lisa's" parents b/c whose to say that it hasn't happened before with her and maybe she didn't tell so he didn't think or know what he was doing is wrong. You really have to be careful with all this because parents will get real defensive about this sort of issue and will even throw it right back on you and your family. It just goes to show that we really don't know what goes on behind closed doors. It's sad to think that "Jake" is in an environment like that but of course, none of us live there so we just don't know. If his parents deny such things going on in their home that gives"Jake" access to such things he can repeat....maybe "Jake" himself has had something done to him and he is reenacting it with your daughter. It is just so hard to give great advice on this b/c it has not been something I have personally gone through. What he did was wrong...yes.....whether or noe he knows this...remains to be seen. He should be questioned...by someone he trusts and is comfortable with to see what or who the source is. There is a difference between body exploration and molestation. I would get very well informed and educated...your doctor should be able to point you in the right direction as well. Good Luck!

Answer 6

If it's just herself she is touching, tell her to go into the bathroom to do that. Just like peeing, that is something you do privately. Don't tell her not to do it, that will just make her want to do it more. As for touching others, that is not appropriate and needs to be stopped soon. (but you already know that) Perhaps you could remove her from the play area and calmly discuss why it is wrong to do it. Be consistent and do the same thing each time she touches another child inappropriately. Even when she can recite your speech to you, tell her again until the behavior stops.

Answer 7

as a mother of a young girl it isnt easy to know what to do but you should bring it to the attention of the parents of the other children that were involved and let them know you are very worried and concerned about something your daughter said occurred at there home i would hate to call this anything but childhood curiosty but you cant be to careful when its your own child i would also hope that the other parent will try to figure it with you and not have to involve outside influences but if they dont then call social services do what you can to keep your child safe and keep her away from the little boy good luck

Answer 8

Considering the age of the children involved I would say that this should be able to be addressed with the parents of the children involved without going so far as filing a police report. Had this been an older child (like a teenager), then yes, police action would definitely be required.

Answer 9

I dont know that I would have called the police on a 7 or 8 year old (thats not to say I wouldnt). I would however go to the parents, he needs to be taught its wrong to touch other peoples privates. Maybe calling social services is a good idea. Who knows whats going on in his house, is he copying some one.

Answer 10

Its probably a good idea to keep that child away from yours. Not because he is molesting your child or he himself has been. But, all children are curious about the body and sexual experimentation is normal, because Jake is overly curious and mannish and has not been taught that this behavior unacceptable. This behavior is normal and unacceptable at the same time. Some children have to be taught not to do this.