Have I fallen out of love?

Question

My fiance and I have a long distance relationship, and I haven't seen him for five months. We have been fighting a lot over really stupid things, and we're both feeling very jaded. However, we are both working on making this work. My problem is, I feel like I fight with him sometimes to feel something. I used to have a physical feeling of love for him, a rush of emotion, like my heart is too big for my chest. Now? I just feel numb when I talk to him and think about him. The only time I get physical feelings about him is when I am turned on, or when we are fighting. It hurts like hell when we fight, but at least its a feeling, at least it shows I care. The numbness is killing me. I want to feel love and affection for him again, I want...to love him.

Am I falling out of love for him? If I am, how can I make it come back?

Desperate,

We've been together for 2 years, and we're a 30-35 hour drive apart.

He plans on moving to my city in the next five or six months.

Answer 1

I think that the long distance thing is killing it for you. My fiancee and I spend the first 9 months of our relationship long distance...(well I live an hour and a half away across the state line, but it was far enough) A relationship needs to be nurtured, and when you have so much distance between you, it can't be. If you really want to make the relationship work, one of you is going to have to move. What's going to happen after the wedding, is one of you going to move? Or are you still going to be apart after the wedding?

I don't know that you're necessarily falling out of love, but you're probably feeling neglected, or like you really have no relationship at all, and fighting with him at least reminds you that you have a relationship and a fiance to fight with. (alright that's the end of my amateur psychological evaluation)Maybe you're just lonely, and I don't blame you, I would be too.Perhaps you could plan a trip to see him, you might just need to reconnect, and that could possibly bring your feelings back, if that doesn't work maybe you need to end the relationship and find someone who you don't have to do the long distance thing with...

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 2

Quite often when a person is in a long distance relationship - it's hard to reconnect and it's like having to get to know them all over again. Relationships are built on shared experiences and if you're both going off and doing your own things for a time and those things are different, then you do grow apart. You really haven't fallen out of love. I'm guessing that if you did break up - you'd have extreme amounts of pain. However, he may or may not be the person you should marry. While you were apart, was he doing things he normally wouldn't do with you around? Were you doing things you nomally wouldn't do when he was around? The answers to those questions will tell you if perhaps you don't have as much in common as you thought you did. Also, remember that every relationship has it's ups and downs, if you're already having sex before marriage - well - that's a part of what true love is all about - you make a commitment - then you have sex - and then you experience these kinds of ups and downs and your commitment to one another keeps you going and you begin to learn that true love is more about what you can do to make your partner happy rather than how good you are feeling about him at a particular time. If you wait to have sex after marriage - you usually don't get to the stage of losing those honeymoon feelings until your commitment is solid and your love matures to something really amazing. In your case -- you're a bit ahead of the game. Most of the time - if you stick things out for 6 months - things will improve. But you've got to stop nagging, fighting and getting all over the guy - he's going to hate that - and it will damage what you have left right now. You've got to stop and consider when you are fighting - how am I wrong here? He's got to be trained to do the same thing. When you're both considering how you're wrong in a situation you can forgive one another more easily and move on - even if it is just really stupid things. But a nagging woman who always gets in a guy's way is an unbelievable nuisance to him.

Answer 3

Since you are in a long distance relationship you may be suffering from separation anxiety. My husband and I experienced that when we were dating and I went off to college. We would fight a lot even though we weren't around each other all the time. When I was thru with college and moved back, everything was fine. I think that if you really want to make it work then you aren't falling out of love with him, but if you do fall out of love with him then it wasn't meant to be.

Answer 4

The best way of working on a relationship is getting it out in the open. Discuss it with him, even the thought that you are struggling with this. Only through this kind of direct connection and work with your partner can you find a way to rejuvenate your relationship. It is possible - don't be afraid to do the work. Your planning to get married, right? It's still work which must be confronted, even when it isn't easy. You might both decide that you don't want to work on things, but at least you both earned your way out of the relationship, which you won't regret later.

Answer 5

it's okay to feel this way. What you should do is jump a plane and suprise him. Take a week off work and just be with him. If it still seems rocky, then talk to him about it. It's not worth it if you're not happy. If you want to marry him, don't wait for things to get better, because they might not. I'd say, spend some time with him. Get cozy again, find that spark. Good luck!

Answer 6

I think that the distance is taking a toll on the relationship. You can't force yourself to feel something that isn't there.