my boyfriend of nearly 2 years has depression and is verbally abusive. i'm all he has and i do so much for him but now its starting to wear me out. i've tried so hard to deal with him and help him and i love him a lot and i really wish it could work but i just can't physically do it anymore. he has me in tears AT LEAST 2 times a day and he's just draining me. does it make me a bad person for wanting my life back and breaking up with him?
2006-11-30 14:26:31 · 43 answers · asked by MissingLI21 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have had to learn this one the hard way. People have to CHOOSE to be saved, to have a chance of BEING saved. I dated a girl for a short while and we ended up just being friends. She was so lost... so sad, grieving for the loss of her parents and her brother. I wanted to save her and make her better... but I wasn't strong enough. I learned later that no mans power can "solve" her problems. She's gotta work them out between her and God.
Its a whole lot easier to pull someone down than it is to support someone or pull them up. Obviously from your pain, you are learning you are too weak to support him. Its probably time you let him go, or your suffering will only continue. Life isn't about dwelling in pain, its about rising above it. Sometimes "tough love" is necessary and you have to let someone crash before they learn not to. Don't think I didn't try to talk myself out of what I am proposing to you. But she might kill herself... but she'll only get worse without me... actually, shes going along just as depressed as she was before... I haven't spoken to her in a long time, but its clear as day that she was only using me for attention... for pity. actually, my being there for her only fed her desire for attention, thus prolonging her depression. She uses it to manipulate people and get whatever she wants...
Your situation may differ from mine... it may be pretty close to the same... either way, if he was sick, and you could cure him, he wouldn't be sick still after 2 years. I'd let him go. You'll feel better the moment you turn away and the feeling will only get better... surround youself with people who will be real to you, not pull you down and not butter you up. Let your friends and boyfriend be a blessing and strength to your life, not a detrement.
2006-11-30 14:39:51 · answer #1 · answered by guardian707 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not a bad person. You've dealt with this for 2 years. Depression is controllable with the right medicines. He has to want to be better and try the meds to see what works for him. In two years if he isn't better then maybe he isn't trying to get it under control. Sometimes people would rather feel sorry for themselves then to work to get better.
You've given him a chance and he threw it away. Why sacrifice yourself to stay with him if he doesn't appreciate it? No one deserves to be verbally abused. Don't let him beg and plea and threaten you to make you stay. State the facts - you will no longer let someone hurt you just because they say they love you.
It's time you lived again. Let him go and move on. Life's too short to waste a moment!
2006-11-30 14:34:35 · answer #2 · answered by honey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should do what is best for you. This life that God has given us is not a dress rehersal, make the most of it. If you have been good to this guy for the past 2 years then that is all you need to think about, why would you feel guilty? You have obviously done the best you can and if he can't fulful you then you need to move on and find someone that will. You do not need to be walking around feeling like he is tied to you with a chain. Trust me that there is no need to feel guilty, you are going to look back at your life in about 5 years time and think "how the helll did i put up with that for so long?"
2006-11-30 14:32:35 · answer #3 · answered by Knowitall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is only so much you can do for him, and you are not a clinical psychologist to help him out of his depression or his verbal punching bag for his abusive tirade. Sometimes you have to drop back and look at relationship from more than just a feeling of love. You have to look at it for possible separation when it jeopardizes your health and your feelings for yourself and the other person. Life is too short to carry someone through it without them taking and active healing role to help them self so they can be better.
I was in that type of relationship many years ago and when I told her I wanted out she threatened suicide, I contacted her parents and they had her put away for mental care. I don't feel guilty but at the time I sure felt stressed.
You need your own mental health with sunshine days and eventually someone that is not carrying some huge baggage and can enjoy life with you.
2006-11-30 14:49:51 · answer #4 · answered by John E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from experience ive had both a good childhood 1-12 then when i became a teenager my parents divorced and we struggled alot i would have to say it totally depends on how the person see things in his life going through both i strayed off into bad things drugs and what not but now im a stronger person i learned while struggling between right and wrong soooo i decided i wasnt going to be BAD i changed my habits and problems..there is some truth in what your saying but generally anything could happen bad people come from good and bad childhoods good people come from good and bad childhoods also it just depends which way the child decides to go. Just because i ended up there (bad tennage life) i knew i wasnt going to stay there.
2016-05-23 06:45:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a realtionship exactly like that for 2 years. The guy made me cry at least once or twice a day..I could never do anything right. GET OUT! It won't make you a bad person, but he doesn't seem capable of being in a relationship right now.
2006-11-30 14:29:16 · answer #6 · answered by Princess Purple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. It sounds like you have really tried to be supportive and understanding of him, and if he is unwilling to try at all to make a change then there is no way you will ever be able to help him. He has to know he has a problem and be willing to change or ask for help before anyone can help him. Perhaps some time apart will help him see how much he had with you and prompt him to want to make changes.
2006-11-30 14:32:50 · answer #7 · answered by Kimberly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. You can only live your life, not your boyfriend's. I, too, have devoted far too much time to people who "needed" me because of some emotional, psychological, or situational problem, and I am glad to have stopped. It was draining me just as this situation is draining you, and my coddling wasn't helping the people in question.
Furthermore, a boyfriend is not a husband. You haven't taken any vows, and you are free to go in search of a more suitable partner at any time, as long as you are honest about it.
2006-11-30 14:31:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have done your best,try backing off some and see how that works,less time around him,you may just have to go your different ways you can't bring your self down in the process of trying to help him that will help neither of you.You can't help those that want try to help there self,and it sounds like he is not trying by hurting the one that is working with him and loving him.Good Luck' hope things work for you no matter what your choice will be with him.
2006-11-30 14:34:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you want to stay in that situation, It will continue to get worse. I understand that you love him but apparently HE DOESN'T LOVE you. It would not make you a BAD person if you left him, Go out and find you a MAN that really loves you and get on with your life. LIFE is too short to be abused by a non careing JERK
2006-11-30 14:38:10 · answer #10 · answered by Jack C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋