My boyfriend and I are pretty close. I really adore him, and I know he means it when he says he loves me. We're very straightforward with each other, and we seem to have a fantastic relationship. We've been together for a nice chunk of time now. I'm just curious as to whether or not most guys are afraid of their/their girlfriends parents. And if they are, why? And on a similar topic, what's so dreadful about "inlaws?"
2006-11-30 13:54:48 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The two questions center around the same line of reasoning. It doesn't affect just guys. Everyone in a relationship is always wary of their partner's family. The In-Laws (actual or "would-be") are always judgemental of the partner.
It draws on the old primal instinct to protect your own kind. All this originates at the genetic level, but I'd bore you with the details trying to start there and work up, so I'm just gonna jump to near the end and how it manifest on the family level... basically this primal instinct causes family members to attack the partner and force them to prove that they are the best person suited to be with the key family member they are in the relationship with. It may be very subtle (an off-hand comment every now and then) or it may be obvious ("How are going to take care of my daugher with that kind of paycheck?") and either way the effect is the same. Everyone is wary of the In-Laws (or potential In-Laws) because of their ability to destroy the relationship.
If your parents don't like him then they will try to get you to dump him in the hopes that "you can do better" and they will do this by continuously pointing out his flaws, plant doubt of his commitment by saying they saw him talking to "some girl", and bring up the names of other guys they "just happened to meet" in the hopes you get interested in moving on. Guys are more worried about meeting the girls parents because overall girls will give in to family pressure more than guys.
You may be just as worried about meeting his family because they have the same ability to influence him and destroy the relationship. If they don't approve of you the will employ the same tactics your family would use. They will point out flaws, plant suspicion about your loyalty, and mention other girls to him in order to get him to dump you and move on. Technically girls have less to fear when it comes to meeting the guy's family. Fact of the matter is if the girl is decent looking, loyal and true, cool to hang out with, doesn't nag him or make him feel like crap, and gives him all the sex he needs whenever he needs it... there is NO WAY he's dumping her and it doesn't matter what his family thinks or says.
On a similar note this is also why meeting friends are not particularly comfortable situations. Friends have the same ability to destroy the relationship, just as actual family can.
2006-11-30 15:03:52 · answer #1 · answered by Rukh 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wasn't afraid of my girlfriends parents but after you get married its a bit of a power struggle, Its a matter of everyone finding their place again and ot can be hard. Before you got married the brides parents were responsible for the well being of their daughter,now all of the sudden they are no longer in the same situation. Its not so much fear of the inlaws as as it is an uncertainty about how to handle the new situation. The new situation requires everyone to make adjustments and change their family boundaries as well as accept a new member into their circle of trust.
2006-11-30 13:59:54 · answer #2 · answered by Greg W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men are not afraid of inlaws unless they are realllllly intimidating. I know that I messed with my daughters boyfriends quite a bit but overall they knew I was kidding. If they are afraid of their girlfriends parents then it could be they are not secure in themselves and afraid that they will not meet the parents standards. Be encouraging and keep up communications and he will come around as long as your parents are not really mean to you.
2006-11-30 14:00:04 · answer #3 · answered by tazman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All parents look at the guys as the dirty little bastard thats trying to get with their daughter.Dads are wanting and trying to protect their girls from these no good bumbs as we call them.The guys sort of know whats going on in Dads mind cause they want to get with the girl also.Anyway when you put the two of them together things are rather uncomfortable until each gets to know the other a little better.This is hard for Dads so try to understand where he is comming from,he was a teenager once also.
2006-11-30 14:03:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I remember when I first met my 'in-laws'. I wasn't exactly afraid. I'm good at making impressions with older people. (Total nerdy nice guy that I am.) But now that I think about it, the circumstances was a little unusual.
My girlfriend was practically this other guys fiance already when I "stole" her. And her family was already very close with that other guy. And then she dumped him. They were mad at her because that other guy was very nice too.
Anyway, its just that when a guy is really serious with a girl he wouldn't just be committed to her, but also to her parents and family. And he would like to have them accept him as well in the same way that you accepted him. But not knowing anything about them would be tough. I think its normal for a guy to be just a little bit scared.
2006-11-30 14:01:34 · answer #5 · answered by ragdefender 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well most guys are scared of inlaws because maybe ur parents dont think ur wit the right guy u never known ur parents will adore him or they wont as long as ur happy with ur boyfriend well they will have to accpect him because u love him and then love u.
2006-11-30 14:00:45 · answer #6 · answered by jadesexy_1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not that they are afraid of of inlaws. We are likely more "afraid" of their actions and words. Some parents may ask on marriage and stuff while the others may even "test" you.
Test = Situational conditions in terms of character, the guy's ability to stay patient in a chaotic situation, the guy's will to stay with her daughter..etc etc
2006-11-30 13:59:54 · answer #7 · answered by Gigaburn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Afraid, no. . . cautious, yes. When you are "taking away" their little girl you don't know what reaction to expect. In the case of my inlaws everything went great. . . but not at first. There were questions as to who I was, etc. As a father of 2 girls I have the same questions about their boyfriends and I will be cautious of giving my blessing to their marriage. . . because I want them to be happy all of their lives. I expect your parents think the same things . . . and I expect your b/f has the same reservations.
2006-11-30 13:58:23 · answer #8 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not usually the parents we are afraid of... It's usually the father-in-law... While this fear is greater in the start of a relationship, some men feel uneasy around their father-in-law for a number of years... I think it comes from the fact that, as a man, her father knows all the dirty thoughts going through the mind of the boy who wants to get in the pants of his darling angel daughter (mainly cause he was that age and had the same intentions himself)...
2006-11-30 13:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by HONORARIUS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wasn't terrified but wasn't ecstatic to meet them either! The mom is never to hard to win over but I don't think any guy wants to meet the dad as the dad used to be a young man himself and knows all about what the guy is after! But if you've been together a big enough time that shouldn't matter.
2006-11-30 13:56:45 · answer #10 · answered by scuba_steve 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋