I am about to go through my first Christmas without my father who recently passed away. Any coping suggestions

Answer 1

Will there be other family around? To ease the pain of missing him, talk about the "remember when" times. It will feel like he is right in the room with you. Do not hide your feelings away. Share them.

You could also write a letter to him. Of course, you're not going to mail it, but it helps when you're missing him and want to talk to him. In your heart, you know what he would write back to you.

Buy a Christmas card to Dad, fill it out, close your eyes and see him read it. You could give him a present (that only you know about - others might think you have not accepted his death). It must be something that speaks from your heart and is not a store bought item

When you're decorating the tree, put an ornament on that was his favorite and "see" him smiling back at you. Put on his favorite Christmas songs and "hear" him sing or hum or tap his foot (or whatever he liked to do).

The fact that your father isn't there in body form does not mean he must be gone from your life and you must learn to cope. The opposite is true. The way to help get past all the "first"s that you'll go through is to remember the good times, funny times, serious times, past holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc that you all enjoyed together.

If you have siblings, see the resemblence of your father in their face, smile to him and say I love you, dad.

All the things I've mentioned brings your father "front and center". You want him to be part of the holiday and these things are ways to do it. I'm sure there are more - facial expressions he had, sense of humor, things he liked to do, places he went, etc.

To cope thru the holiday, keep him in it. Everyone will be thinking of him anyway, so bring him there in spirit. It literally feels like he is sitting there.

When my mom passed away. there were times when I could have sworn she was there. There was even a song on the radio - Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You" that affected me. As I listened to the words, I got the feeling she was talking to me. She wasn't a country music fan and it wasn't her favorite song that brought out some memory of the past. It's what I heard her say to me. I'm walking down the street and I'm bawling "buckets". Even to this day, that song will affect me

Hold onto times you feel he "talks" to you. Let out the tears if it's emotional.

Have a happy holiday. Your father is there too - inside you.

Answer 2

Remember all the good Christmas's and other holidays and other memories together with your family. My father passed away almost 12 years ago when I was 9 years old. Holidays and birthdays and just about any other days were really hard but the memories kept him alive in our hearts. We laughed, cried, reminisced and shared every memory, it is nice to know that you family is still there even though a huge piece is missing from each of you. Keep him involved in your holidays, just in a different way.

Answer 3

Well, it will probably help to focus on who you are spending your time with rather than your father. By all means, reflect on the memory of your father and acknoledge your loss...but it's important to not let it consume you and ruin what you can make of your holiday.

Both my parents passed just before I was 20...I can tell ya that 10 years on it's still painful. But know that things will get better, and that there are still people around you that care a great deal about ya. What works for me around the holiday season is to spend some time before social time thinking about them and how much I miss them...taking the time to let all of my emotions flow and basically get everything out of my system. Eventually you reach a point where you can calm down and enjoy the day for what it is. It will take awhile for this pain to dull, put do try to go on, as I'm sure your father would have wished.

Take care and I hope that your Holiday season is as rewarding as it can be, all things considered.

Answer 4

I seem to feel what you feel. I know it would not be easy to spend special occasions when a loved one is absent.

The first way to cope from any sad situation, is to accept your grief. Do not withold or hide it. Some people are too proud to say that they are not affected so much by a loss or some painful event in their lives. What they do not become aware is that, this attitude will cause behavioral problems in the future. You see, any "unfinished business" or "unfinished issues" in your life today will greatly influence your behavior as your age. It will make you difficult to deal with.

Do not be afraid to cry, if you feel like doing so. Release that unpleasant feeling. You'll find out after a good crying that you'll feel better. Then think of the wonderful memories that you have with your father, his being that makes him dear to you. Quietly thank him for sharing his life with you. Then when you have gained some courage, talk to yourself like a child. Tell yourself that you have to let go of him for your to be able to move on, and find new joys in your life. Repeat this healing process from time to time until you that have anchored your acceptance of the situation.

Thanks be to God, I have not experience yet of having a loss in the family, but when i am in a painful situation, like breaking up with a boyfriend and coping is difficult, I do the same things I told you. I even would light a candle as I go thru my crying. I pray, too, cause it also gives me more strength. Then when I am in festive gatherings, I make sure that I am not just physically present but being there with all of myself. I actively participate in the fun, let out a good laughter, and eat heartily.

These things have helped me cope. I hope it would do the same to you. Wish you luck. Take care.

Answer 5

It's a tough time you are going through. I lost my mother on Veteran's day four years ago and her memorial was three weeks later in December. It was a sad time having Christmas without her, but worse was her birthday. Think about only the good times, how much you loved him and how much he would want you to be happy. Surround yourself with loved ones and do as much as you can for those around you to keep your mind from constantly thinking about him. He wouldn't want you to be filled sorrow at this time of year, he would want you to have a good time, to share with family and remember him. You'll get through it, it does get better, you will always miss him. He's watching you and I'm sure very proud of you.

Answer 6

The best coping suggestion for me is to write. Write him a poem or a love letter. Tell him how much you love him and miss him. Share you joys and your sorrows in your letter just as though you were talking to him. On Christmas, you can take the letter to his grave or write it on a balloon and release it. Plan something symbolic. You can even burn the letter and imagine the words traveling up to heaven in the smoke. May Peace.set upon the door of your heart this Christmas.

Answer 7

Do not hide your grief, if possible. Grieving is a normal, but painful process.

Reflect on those happy moments that you and your Father shared together. If you have Family, share those moments with them, also.

Personal note: My Parents passed a long time ago...and In one way or another, they come to my mind each and every day.

And at Christmas time...we all get together and reflect....There are tears....But, there are many great stories and many smiles.

Have a Great Holiday.

Answer 8

Wow I'm so sorry. You should make sure to be surrounded by loved ones all the time and try not to do a whole lot of deep thinking but just have fun. However, don't hold your emotions in if you're thinking about him a lot. That will just drive you crazy. Talk about your good memories of him and remember the blessing he was to you.

Answer 9

Sweet Heart you're not without your father. He'll always be with you in your heart. With every breath you take he's right beside you feeling you air. Everything is going to be O K. Keep him alive in your spirit and in your heart. Memories are more important than anything. Live for him and He'll always be there.

Answer 10

only time will ease the hurt, it will not be easy. this is just the first holiday, then you have birthdays and stuff....one thing that helped me, was family, we joked about past, and *okay i came from a family that really had great times---not normal or traditional, we had fun and lived life* but that doesn't mean that we didn't miss loved ones, but remembering the good times, that's what life is all about. to be remembered, hopefully in a good way....