Help me settle an argument I have been having at work - to buy engagement presents or not to buy engagement presents, whats the etiquette? My husband and I didn't have a proper engagement party, we just went out to dinner with friends, a real impromptu sort of thing. I think that buying engagement presents, kitchen tea etc etc is really materialistic, especially when the people will get wedding presents as well. I think its asking a bit much of your guests to keep getting you things. I'm probably going to put some noses out of joint with this question but does anyone else think that its really materialistic? If you are getting married for the sake of love it isnt about the presents! Some weddings these days seem to be more about money than anything else.
2006-11-30 13:19:56 · 12 answers · asked by Arianrod 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
this is for a girl at work who has numerous engagement parties to go to and is running out of money, we said that its not necessary to buy gifts all the time! we had a short engagement, 9 months, and just couldn't wait to be husband and wife, i truly forgot about all the extra planning and fuss! many friends of mine though have had the whole "shebang" with the teas, parties etc. there's nothing wrong with present giving but most people seem to think its compulsory these days!
2006-11-30 13:39:46 · update #1
I took the time to look up what Miss Manners had to say on the subject of engagement gifts/parties. Link provided.
" But the innovations that are most widely followed, even by those who resent them, are vulgar, impractical or nonsensical — and almost always expensive. Here are some that Miss Manners refuses to sanction:
That "wedding" is a collective noun referring to a long series of events — minimally including an engagement party, numerous showers, bachelor and spinster (Miss Manners is incapable of saying "bachelorette") parties, a rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, a dinner, a dance and the next day's brunch — until everyone concerned has been worn to a frazzle. And that they all require presents.
Only the ceremony and a celebration immediately after have the full sanction of etiquette; the rest is for those who have the stamina. A true engagement party is one at which the bride's father announces the engagement as a surprise, and showers are solely at the discretion of friends."
2006-11-30 13:27:52 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PREACH IT SISTER!! Okay more to the point here, if you don't want to get them an engagement present than don't, but it would be nice to get them a card or some thoughtful gesture and a wedding gift as well once they are married.
If need be, explain it to them. I am currently engaged for the past three months and we haven't done anything like that. It's per couple choice and we didn't want a big ta-do.
In regards to weddings being too materialistic, I listen to a story of the priests at my fiance's church. There was a young man talking with an older man about getting married. The older and wiser man asked the youngin' what comes after the wedding.
The younger man stopped to think about it and said, "The honeymoon." So the older man asks what comes after that and the young man stumped claims he doesn't know.
The wise man said, "The marriage." That is what people don't focus on anymore and that is what my fiance and I have tried to focus on more than what gifts we get or what centerpiece goes with the table cloth.
2006-11-30 13:32:51 · answer #2 · answered by amanda w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I agree that engagement parties can get out of hand. They really are not for me; however whenever I have attended an engagement party I have brought a gift usually about $50. Usually couples have engagement parties when they are planning a long engagement. I have seen some engagement party invites that sepcify "no gifts." I agree with you, marriage is about love but I can honestly say that I enjoy giving my friends wedding presents because I look at it as my helping them to build a home and life together. They did the same for me.
2006-11-30 13:34:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Engagement presents are not usually given, even at an engagement party. They are certianly not required.
By etiquette, the ONLY time in life a gift is required is if you are attending a shower (wedding or baby), you should bring along with you a small gift (an actual, physical gift, NOT money or a gift card). ALL other gifts in life are optional, including wedding gifts.
Who is throwing all these engagement parties for this bride? If she's throwing them for herself, that is also kind of tacky.
2006-12-02 14:09:42 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely think that getting presents isn't necessary for an engagement party. However, if you do feel obligated to get something then why not get something small like a bottle of wine and a dessert or something? I agree that it can get pretty materialistic, but if you have lots of different showers for yourself you should at least register for lots of little gifts so your guests don't feel obligated to buy a setting of china every time they come to a shower. I know love is the main reason for weddings, but isn't it kind of fun to get lots of presents??
2006-11-30 15:09:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Engagement parties and the resulting gifts are only a custom amongst the very wealthy anymore. I think you're right, the couple will get enough things for their wedding.
Usually, people do what you did, a small, informal celebration such as going out to dinner with friends, family, or just each other.
2006-11-30 13:23:42 · answer #6 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At an impromtu engagement party I think presents would be optional. Technically they are optional in all occasions since if you showed up at a wedding without a present no one would tell you you couldn't come in. Also these days with the options of ordering things off a couple's registry and getting them shipped directly to them no one else would notice if you showed up without them. Although I agree weddings should be about love not presents, it is always good manners to show up with a gift to events honoring a couple.
2006-11-30 13:26:43 · answer #7 · answered by LLL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. I am not going to have an engagement party even. neither did my future sister in law. in fact, she didn't even have a reception. I like receptions though, so i'm going to have one.
I personally would rather not to make a big fuss out of it. small wedding, nop engagement party, ect.
I don't understand why you'd get presents for your other half when you're going to have so many years to buy stuff for them anyways.
2006-11-30 13:41:35 · answer #8 · answered by Bitterly Sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its materialistic as well. Theres wedding showers, bridal partys, ladies night gifts, bridesmaids gifts, wedding gifts...it just goes on and on.
I think its nice to give a gift - I love to do it. BUt once you add it all up, there's a lot of gifts to purchase!
I think its completely optional, but not many others seem to see it like that,..
2006-11-30 13:24:34 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where I am from, people don't give gifts at an engagement. There is enough to follow with showers, and wedding gifts.
2006-12-01 01:45:53 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋