What can I do about my...?

Question

step son to be? He just turned 3 at the beginning of November and he still will not go to sleep at his normal bedtime which is 8.When we put him in his room he will cry and cry laying by the door for over an hour. He will not go to sleep when he needs to he thinks he needs to stay up all hours of the night. I know leaving him in there is a good thing so that he learns but he is 3 years old. Shouldn't he know better by now? I am so sick of waking up every hr because he does and starts crying and I get up at 4 every day to get ready for work. I am always so exhausted! So what should I do?

ward6359 - sorry that i offended but but hes not my real son and i dont have any kids that are my own. and i am sorry but i am not going to call him my own son and make him confused. i dont think THAT is right. and you act like you think i dont spend time with him. i am always with him and playing with him and reading to him all the time. how rude to assume.

im not denying at all that i will call him my step son, its just that i wouldnt feel comfortable saying "This is my son Justin..." when hes not mine. I love him very much as if he was my own. and i would trade him over anything. his real mommy, is completely out of the picture she is never there for him, i have been there for him longer than she has. she lives in a different state, and Justin wont talk to her when she calls to say hi. she is in a mental hospital shes bipolar and she does drugs. she told me and my husband that she does not know how to take care of a child at all. she came to visit for his birthday and had us do everything and she would not even take the time to learn about the behavior and personality of Justin.

i meant "and i WOULDNT trade him over anything in the world" sorry i was typing really fast.

lolly1251...im not his mothers boyfriend.... im a woman and im his fathers fiance.

sunflare6... how rude for you to say "U need to grow up a little bit and treat the kid like a kid and not a minature grownup."
you dont know me so dont judge me. Justin never used to do this. He used to go to bed at 8 with no problem and no crying. but all of a sudden he started crying and screaming like he is "dying" is going on and i am concerned because he not even talking as well as he should at his age and i am worried. i do treat him like a kid and i know that for a fact because i am a day care provider. i know how to treat kids and i know how not to treat them like ther "miniature grownups"

Answer 1

Walk in there and put him back in his bed. He'll probably keep crying and get right back out but you'll just have to go back in and put him in bed again. Do it 20 times if you have to but eventually he'll get the idea that if he gets up he's gonna be put right back down. When he realizes that, he'll stop getting up and start going to sleep.

Answer 2

Does he take naps through out the day?

If so, try to limit the time periods and shorten them. Don't allow him to fall asleep at least 3 to 4 hours before going to bed, which can help him sleep at night. Just have to adjust the schedule you have now to the one you and your husband feel is best.

Limit sugar intake and try to do some physical activity more a day (or at least allow him to involve independantly as that can be even more exhausting for you to do it all the time. parents need their space too).

Can come up with routinely night routines of his favorite story time books, make up a special goodnight to the world song, rock him (as some love to be held, rocked, next to, rub back).

What participation does his dad have in all this?

As far as calling him "son" and getting confused isn't always the case. It is very common to have the fear the child will be confused and even to the point reject. In most cases, that isn't the case if you and your husband approach it in the right format he would understand by letting him know having two mommies is wonderful, special and there is nothing wrong with it. She is the main mommy, but you are there for him when he needs you too. He can have that wonderful oppurtunity. Denying calling him "son" or even "step son" can send the message you are his daddy's wife, nothing more.. I would at least think about it hun. End the end, your decision though.

Answer 3

Put a TV in the childs room and put some cartoons on will solve all this.
It dont matter that he is not your real son, u need to give him love as though he was.
U need to grow up a little bit and treat the kid like a kid and not a minature grownup.
Pray about this and God will help ya.

Answer 4

Well to begin with....go to Walmart, go to the Vitamins section. Look for Melatonin. You can get it in 1 or 3 mg. My son which is 3 yrs old takes 3 mg. Thats what his pediatrician suggested. Melatonin develops a sleep habit, so you'll want to give it to him 30 min to an hour before 8 if you are wanting him in the bed at 8.
After you give him the melatonin, take him to the bed. Turn on a night light, read him a book with you laying next to him. 3 year olds are very insecure about themselves and others. So it make take his favorite toy, blanket, maybe let him sleep in his fav. shirt (Batman, Spiderman) etc. I guarantee the Melatonin will work, no doubt. Its not addictive nor harmful. Its basically herbs. It was suggested to us by my 2 kids pediatrician. It WORKS! You will see the results on the same day you give it to them. It slows them down and they get sleepy. Let me know you results.

Answer 5

You might want to talk to a doctor about his diet, but this is what I did:
my son didn't want to go to sleep at night, but we set up a ritual that we followed for him to go to bed. Do the bathroom things, brush teeth, etc. Then sit on his bed and read a book, then play peek aboo with the blanket when tucking him in.
Every night, no exceptions.
Some kids are afraid to go to sleep because of nightmares, too.
You shouldn't have to shut him in there. Who's in charge?
Does he take long naps during the day? Will he go to sleep with music?

Answer 6

Actually, I had this similar situation with my daughter when she was 18 months old. I put a "big girls" bed in her room and told her she had to stay in her bedroom. when she was ready to go to sleep just get in bed. she stayed up until 11:00 on many nights, but she stayed in her room and was quite and did not bother me. some children are just not ready for sleep at 8:00pm. Also, as a step parent, let the parent do most of the discipline. The child will resent you if you do.

Answer 7

what i did when my daughters did this was i wore them out before bedtime. his bedtime is around 8, well try this, about 6 play or take a walk or even exercise. but something physical. around 7, try a nice warm bath. make quiet time 7:30, read or even just cuddle a little to get him to relax. take away all sweets at least before 5. warm milk might help to relax him. at three, they try so hard to try you. thats why they call it the trying threes. they try your patients. don't give in, be form, but not hard. be loving and caring. a person can already tell you care, or else you wouldn't be concern. good luck and i wish you the best. and thanks for wanting to be part of this childs life, and not just his mothers boyfriend.

Answer 8

Thats fairly normal for a 3 year old. They are just learning to calm themselves, and many kids have seperation anxiety at that age. Be patient with him, calm him, and leave the room. It may take a week or two, but he will adjust. My almost 4 year olds still have one bad night a week. Just takes time.

Answer 9

First off...quit saying the word "step" I don't believe in that word.
Take 10 - 15 minutes out of your time and go lay down with
him, tell a story, sing, rub his back... He'll go to sleep, then go on
about what you need to do. He's not sleeping good, cuzz he's
upset when he goes to bed, wakes up feeling the same. If we
can spare minutes a day for our friends and co-workers why
not for someone we love?

Answer 10

The child is crying because he wants attention. If you give him attention by going in there and settling him back down as best you can... he will learn that crying = attention. So, my advice, tough love it for a few nights and try to ignore him. Maybe go back once and explain he must go to sleep now etc... but after that no more.

He will soon learn that crying gets him zero attention, in fact, gets him less attention than if he is good. Always always always praise children when they are good!