my brother died in march this year&left behind a 14 year old girl!my husband feels like were obligated to raise her.we have 5 between the 2 of us &the last one left is my 11 year old, i dont feel like i should give up my schooling to raise her,am i being selfish?
2006-11-30 12:40:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
No.
But, since she's fourteen she'll probably be in school with your 11 year old. So, your days are free. She can also stay home while you are gone if need be. She's older and more independant.
Also, what if she goes into foster care. What if you don't see her. Or, if the system ruins her and she makes a mess out of her life. What will her influences be?
This is a really hard decision you have to make. I pray for strenght and wisdom for you! It's never easy raising someone else's (even if it's your brother's) child.
2006-11-30 12:45:16 · answer #1 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being selfish. But, what would happen to the girl if someone in the family did not take her in? Would she end up in Foster Care with strangers? Is there another family member that could take her in? Why do you feel that you should give up your schooling? You have an 11 year old at home and still go to school, why would the 14 year old change that? There are alot of unanswered questions that need to be answered and you are the only one that can do that. Unless the 14 year old were a problem child and a trouble maker, I would take her in and give her a stable and loving home.
2006-11-30 20:55:10 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but I do think your being selfish and self centered. First of all she is 14 which means she is in school at the same time your son is at school. Also she is 14 which means she can watch your 11 year old son for the extra hour or so tell you come home from school. She is YOUR NIECE somehow you should have enough love in your heart to LOVE HER, feed her, and provide a roof over her head. It's not some strangers child who just dropped by one day and stayed, she is part of your family. What if the rolls were reversed and you and your husband had died and your brother had to take in your 5 kids?? Would you want them to be shipped off to live with strangers?? Would you want YOUR KIDS to feel like they WEREN'T WANTED?? Or would you HOPE your brother would LOVE them as if they were his own??
Grow a heart and grow up.
2006-12-01 00:42:29 · answer #3 · answered by Danielle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you. Do you have any other sibling or parents that could lend a hand. It sounds like you have your hands full with 5 already. Will one more put an undue strain on you? She is 14 so it will only be a commitment for less than 4 years. That age is pretty self sufficient. It's not like you have to be with her 24/7. Foster care is an alternative but that would not be the ideal situation. If someone who was related to her could be her guardian it would be best! You have a lot of soul searching to do. Don't do it if you cannot be 100% committed to it!
2006-11-30 20:59:26 · answer #4 · answered by SunFun 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're at school already, and raising your own, I don't understand why you'd see a need to give it up? Weigh up the pros and cons with your family of taking on the responsibility, selfishness then becomes less of an issue, full credit to your husband for considering the option.
2006-11-30 20:59:01 · answer #5 · answered by renclrk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isn't much more raising to do in all honestly. Why would you have to give up schooling? The child is 14..old enough to not need a babysitter.
2006-12-01 07:12:44 · answer #6 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but neither does she want to go to foster care. There are several things you need to consider with that.
2006-11-30 20:42:32 · answer #7 · answered by I think... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋