But Im not ready what do I do. I am ok with making out but when he trys to take off my skirt I always make up some excuse that I have to go or I have to be somewhere. I love him so much but at the same time..I dont know if I am ready to give him that. Im a virgin and thats something that I know I will never forget..He says Im making too much a big deal out of it and that Im the only virgin at our school. Am I right or is he?
2006-11-30 12:21:56 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Silentnon and GeneB are absolutely right. I'm a guy and I don't do the things he says guys do, but I'm certain that some do.
First of all, you're probably not the only virgin at your school.
Second, if it's a big deal to you, then its a big deal. There is nothing wrong with having reservations. I'm a guy, and even I have reservations.
(and if it's not a big deal to him, why should he be insistant?)
Here's an interesting question to start with:
Would you rather your boyfriend have sex with you today, or with someone else?
If the answer is someone else, you DEFINTELY shouldn't do it. If the answer is you, then there is more considering to do.
Which are you more likely to regret: doing something you weren't comfortable with because someone pressured you, or missing out? If you end up still a virgin and wish you weren't, there will be more opportunities to fix that. But if you have sex, you can't go back.
There is no such thing as a duty to have sex with someone. As a guy, I know from personal experience that sex is almost a need (One that I have gone a long time without having fulfilled). But it is not your responsibility to fulfill that. Under our laws, even if you are married, your husband may divorce you for refusing to have sex with him, but he can go to prison if he rapes you.
If a boyfriend ends the relationship because his girlfriend continues to refuse, then he loves himself more than her (nothing wrong with that, but she certainly isn't obliged to love him more than herself if that's the case). If he threatens to, then either sex is more important to him than she is, or he's manipulating.
If your boyfriend is disappointed, there are plenty of ways to make it up to him. If he loves you, he should want you to love him back more than he wants sex. Give him that, and there is no way he can say that he's not getting enough out of the relationship.
If he's a good enough boyfriend to be worth having sex when you aren't ready for it with, then he should be a good enough boyfriend to be patient and understanding if you don't want to. If your needs are that different, and you two aren't willing to wait to see if they become the same, then the relationship won't work.
You should not have to hide this from him. It's fine if you're just making excuses to avoid hurting him, but you shouldn't need to make excuses. Just tell him that you don't want to do it right now. Having sex because you're afraid to tell the truth is DEFINITELY not something you should do. If you don't even feel comfortable telling him the truth, you should definitely deal with that before having sex with him. If you can't even open your lips to tell him the truth, you should deal with that fear before you deal with the fear of opening your "other" lips! (sorry if that's explicit)
You shouldn't let silly fears get in the way of a full relationship, but being worried about whether you're ready to lose your virginity is not silly. It would be sad if you end up wanting sex and wishing you hadn't turned down a sexual relationship when you had the chance, but it would be also be sad if you let yourself get pressured into doing something you wish you hadn't.
You have plenty of time to change your mind if you don't do it now. Your boyfriend isn't going anywhere is he? And if he is, is he really the one to do this with?
Remember, what you do with your vagina is your decision, not his. If he loves you, he'll have to respect that. So, now you just have to decide what your decision is. If you don't want to do it, than I would advise you not to.
How old are you? If you're 19 or 20, and he's a good guy, then maybe you should. But for some reason I get the impression that you're younger than that. If you're 15 or something, just think about three years from now, and what you would rather look back on. Sex with him, or standing strong in your decision to wait? It's a big decision. I'm sure that sex could be something you could really really enjoy, but I'm pretty sure that sometimes girls regret it instead.
Bottom line, if you don't think you're ready, then don't do it.
2006-12-01 09:10:59 · answer #1 · answered by Todd R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU are. Nobody has any right to tell you what to do with your body, and no one has the right to make you feel pressured, either. Tell your boyfriend that your virginity is important to you, and that you don't feel ready enough to let go of that. If he loves you, or even just respects you then he'll listen and he'll understand. A decent man will wait for you. If he doesn't, then you are worth so much more than he has to give to you. You won't be the only person in your school with your virginity still intact, and rightly so. You should be proud to have not given yourself away simply because others have.
Your body is your own, and don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you aren't yet comfortable with.
xxxx
2006-11-30 12:26:38 · answer #2 · answered by tahanni 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are the one that is right. What everyone else in school is, or isn't, has absolutely no bearing on you at all. If he wants to have sex, then he should go find one of those at school that will. If he truly loved you he would lay off (excuse the pun). Think about it, the reason he wants to be with you is because he has noticed that you are very special. Well, if out of the whole crowd in high school you are the only one that has not had sex, then you should seek to remain as you are so that you will remain special. There is an old saying: love seeks to give -- lust seeks to get! At the moment, your boyfriend is driven by lust. Chances are, he really doesn't understand the true meaning of love, if he did, he would respect your wishes. Listen, if you had sex with him now, 3 months from now he will be gone and totally out of the picture (of your life). That's the way it goes. Tell him to back off, or dump him...it's really that simple.
2006-11-30 12:37:14 · answer #3 · answered by bubba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to then DON'T! Having sex for the first time is a big deal and it becomes a big responsibility (birth control, pregnancy scares, STD's). If you don't feel like you are ready then you're obviously not, and I applaud for being mature enough to admit that =) I understand that you love him and that you want to make him happy but if he loved you as much then he wouldn't be pressuring you into it. Guys will say and promise anything under the sun to get you to have sex, so don't believe a word of it! Your first sexual experience will be something that you will always remember, so do you really want to remember it as a something you just did to get it over with, with a guy who pressured you into it, that you will later regret? Tell him you want to wait until YOU FEEL ready and if he can't respect that, then he doesn't respect you and that alone should show you that he is not worth being your first. Good Luck and I hope whatever happens, happens because you want it to!
2006-11-30 12:33:56 · answer #4 · answered by ihaveahugecrush 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. ****, I am a mother of three and have a wonderful man but sometimes I don't want to have sex. should take pride in your virginity and I wish I would have not let someone take mine when I should have waited. Plus you have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday. Sex is not all it is cracked up to be and neither is the guy your with. Hes just hormonal and doesn't respect your gift. Don't give him the satisfaction of giving him one of the greatest things you can't get back in trade for a baby or worse......a disease. Your not ready and not respecting that shows he isn't special enough to give him your innocence. Be true to yourself cause it is your face you will see when you look in the mirror and you have to deal with it. Also, if you don't have an education, licence and car, great paying job, your own house, and want to totally go through hours of no sleep and a screaming baby attatched to your side 24/7 with engorged breasts and every shirt you own stained from milk leaking out from your breasts constantly yada yada yada.........you aint ready for it anyway.
2006-11-30 12:48:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are not ready so go with your gut feeling. It means more to a female and of course a male will say your making a big deal of it. I just hope he is not into at the moment for that one thing cause you are a virgin. Think long and hard on this! I don't know your age, but if you are under 19 be true to yourself and don't give yourself away without you truely wanting to. Good Luck!
2006-11-30 12:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by homesweethomediana@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, it is your body. Once your virginity is gone, it is gone forever. So what if you are the only virgin in the school. Be proud of it. This may sound cliche, but if he TRULY loves you, he will wait until YOU are ready. Don't let some guy push you around about this. Be assertive, don't make excuses, just tell him out right, "I said NO!"
2006-11-30 12:27:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All boys want sex. Its the main drive in school age boys. At your age you have feelings that are new to you that may or may not be love. Don't be pressured into something you might regret later on. If he can't respect your wishes then he doesn't really love you. Be proud you are the only virgin in your school...but I doubt you are the only one. Stick to your rights because you are right.
2006-11-30 12:32:49 · answer #8 · answered by Gene B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE RIGHT! If he really loves you he will wait till you are ready. Dont let him pressure you into something you are not ready for. You are not making a big deal out of this becuase it is your body and he should understand. Stay Strong
2006-11-30 12:26:29 · answer #9 · answered by saliberry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him over for the Day (Maybe at the Weekend) and set a romantic lunch and maybe a little to drink then take lean in for a kiss if your lucky things may get a bit too far and lead to sex however if not be straight with and say lets have sex
2016-05-23 06:26:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋