anyone who is deeply religious is there any truth in this story?my bf and i are getting married next yr.he was

Question

married before for 6yrs and has a child from that marrage.my bf is very religious and talks about religion all the time.he told me he married his 1st wife because it was expected of him from the church.he said after 3 mons he knew he made a mistake but made a promise to god to make it work.he said his wife was a control freak that was never happy which in turn made his life hell which led him to cheat on her with 2 different women.i do know he tryed therapy with her and gave her a child to try and make her happy and do the right thing as he said.i asked him if he did not love her why stay married and have a child and he said thats what his religion expects divorce is highly looked down on..he knows what he did was wrong and seems deeply troubled by it. i'm just afraid he might be a wolf in sheeps clothing and using his devotion to his religion as a excuss to cheat on his wife and end up doing the same thing to me.

Answer 1

Dear Jakiekell,
The only thing I can really say is I agree with what everybody else has already said and double it.

No, Triple it.

He sounds pretty self-centered and immature.
And you want to marry him, WHY?

If you were telling us all sorts of positive things I could understand your asking YA if there were any truth in the story. But all you have told us is a long list of very negative things, and I don't think you know the half of it.

Answer 2

(actually after typing everything below, I just remembered the best advice on this topic; the perfect test is to take a very long road trip with him, if you find that during the whole trip you are happy with him and feel inclined and comfortable to be with him and are interested in getting to know more about him, then things are good. If on that long road trip you find there is some iritability and you two do not get along or conversation periodically shuts down or you argue, then end it asap. If he is uncomfortable with such a trip or delays it twice then drop him. This is the best advice on this topic I know of and heard from others.)

You can tell if someone is a control freak. If you try to have involved conversations with a control freak you will see that they will become uncomfortable, especially when talking about values. When talking about such things as how to raise children or talking about the nature of the relationship, issues of compatibility and values, control freaks tend to shut down and say I don't want to talk about it now.

When I read your question I assumed the religion was christian, but others are similar on value systems. If a man truly loves his wife he will not be controling; it is difficult to tell if they just want sex, because it is our drive that addeds to our sense of urgency to not be lonely. Biblically husbands are comanded to love their wives, and wives are commanded to obey their husbands because "the head of the wife is the man and the head of the man is Christ".

If you ask questions about how you can think more like he does in Biblical or religious terms, he will either show you scriptures or have to to reason things out, otherwise if he becomes unsure of himself then you know he has no idea what his religion is all about.

Arguing is against my value system, but some couples think it is ok to argue. Find out how he stands and find out if he is likely to raise his voice if he argues, which should not be tolerated, in my opinion.

Control freaks are users, and an extreme form of a user is a con artist. They are all mentally abusive, and many of them are physically abusive (most at some level).

On the other hand there are many who are not users but they are set in their ways (an excuse that many control freaks or users use) and so they may seem to have some control tendencies. Just watch out for those who don't do what they say. Or they make long term plans and then become pesimistic about those plans and decide not to go through with it.

Answer 3

well... its true that religions look down on divorce...but its also truth (at least for catholicism) that a marriege where u got married because of someone else s expectations is considered to be nule.
the story can be truth, it would have been wrong of course, but can be truth. everyone makes mistakes...and also deserve second chances
if u re going to marry him, u should trust him, thats for sure...if u still dont maybe u should wait until you know him better. otherwise, u ll be worried and sick everytime he s late for work or something like that

that he s cheated his wife doesnt mean he s going to do it again, but you should trust HIM

Answer 4

It has been my experience that people who talk all the time about how religious they are and what a wonderful Christian they are, stand a little investigating, especially when they use that kind of talk to try to talk a girl into marrying them. If he excused himself for cheating (twice!) based on his wife being a "control freak" he will find some excuse for cheating on you.

Also, I know of no church that "expects" a man to marry someone - unless he got her pregnant out of wedlock. He sounds like a fraud! Please talk this over with your clergyman.

Incidentally, I am a Christian.

s

Answer 5

It is really hard to know what is in someone else's heart. The odds are not in his favor. If he cheated on his first wife, the chances are that he will cheat on the next one. Now look logically at what you have told us. You say that his religion was SO important that he married someone that he didn't love because of it and stayed with her because of it, etc. So why wasn't he also faithful to her because of his religion? Doesn't quite make sense does it?

Answer 6

Anyone who is deeply religious would never cheat, cuz cheating is against god, so if someone say's their really religious and then go off and cheat then you'v got a lie in your face, and with 2 women, thats a huge lie, theres no chance in the world hes deeply religous, cuz cheating is a sever sin against god, and divorce is also frowned upon, and if he already has 3 women to attend to tand he wants another one then how much credibility do you think he has? poligamy is against god, and if hes saying hes deeply religoius, then i think hes full of lies. And any god following church wouldent force a person into a marrage, god wants us all to be happy, so why would he force us to marry people you may not love? how can there be happy people in a loveless marrage?

Answer 7

I would be highly cautious. If he was so devoted to his religion on the whole marriage issue(the church expected him too), then why in the world did he cheat on her? Adultery is a great sin against marriage, and he did it twice. Not only that but a broken promise to God to make it work--ouch! Now, Jesus told us not to look down on people because we have all sinned, but I think you need to hold up on marrying him until you feel confident that he is what he appears to be. God bless you and your future!

Answer 8

Sounds like a Big fish story. Rod and reel anyone? Learn to listen to your gut instinct, its right more than you know. Obviously he has a lot of baggage, send him on a permanent goodbye trip. You'll be the better for it. The explanation you give describes someone who is an expert at playing on your emotions to get what he "physically" desires from you if you get my drift.
Next victim...........probably you already........ cut the denial and feeling sorry crap and move on with your life. Denial has injured or destroyed too many females lives.
Theres a decent man out there for you, seek and you will find.

Answer 9

I’m not sure how to answer your question, but don’t commit yourself to this man until you can. Look for someone you consider “deeply religious” in your community maybe a couple of them. Then spend all the time you need in prayer and study until you find your answer.

Peace :)

Answer 10

Scriptureman say:
Heb 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Was he very religious when he was commiting adultery?

My denomination, and myself, believe in one man, one woman, UNTIL DEATH do you part. If you do not, you may want to make sure not to say them in your wedding vowels.

Deu 23:21 When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.


My wife cheated on me and divorced me years ago. Although it's been hard, I have stayed single by the grace of God for all these years.