what can i do about my sister?

Question

my sister has always been the one who ruins the holidays for everyone, i live in so. california and my family lives in louisiana, my sister still lives at home. shes a year and half older than i am. well she doesnt like my bf that i have been with for 4 and half years. i am now here for the holidays and he will be here sunday. and we are staying till the 27th. she mentioned last night to my older sister and mom that she is going to give him hell when he gets here and no one better tell her anything. let me say this. she gets whatever she wants and my mom listens to everything she says and does whatever she wants. no one in the family has a problem with him. but because she has always treated me wrong he doesnt like her. she came to california to visit and while i was at work, my bf brought her into LA and EVERYWHERE he thought she might like, her last day was hell and basically tried to jump outta my car, thats when my bf had enough and yelled at her. so now we have problems. shes 22.

does anyone know what i can do about this? and maybe have a DESCENT time. let me remind u, because of her, i wont be coming back for the holidays anymore. maybe like 2 days outta the year because of this kind of situation.

let me just say this, my sisters husband called her a *****, and she called the cops on him cuz they dont like each other either, and he had charges pressed on him for some kinda simple assault or something JUST for him calling her a *****, this might say what type of person she is

Answer 1

......hmmm.........................***** slap her

Answer 2

It seems your sister is jealous of you . Your out in the world and she still lives home with Mom . This is what I would do . I set down with the boy friend and discuss what the situation is gong to be like at Mom's house . I would hope that you are staying at a hotel or another friends house and not your Mom's . If this is not the case I would make a pack withe your boy friend that what ever your sister says, you both smile at each other and say nothing . You both know how she is . This will give you the upper hand and will drive her nuts . If she keeps up with the remarks and insults . Just set and say nothing . When you have to speak to her be sweet and kind . Tell your boy friend to do the same . This way every one that is around when she goes into her act knows she is the one that is the instigator . You can think it but don't say it . You and your boy friend will come off as the more mature and caring ones . If your mother sides with her on anything or everything just small at her and say I understand Mom, and walk away . I'm telling this is going to work . You know why ? Because it isn't something you do to all people . Just your sister and Mom .

Answer 3

I think that she is acting like a controlling, spoiled little brat....who wants her way all the time.
Your family is allowing her to continue the behaviour by not doing anything about it.
She should not be living at home in the first place. if she wants to rule the roost, tell her to get her own place and let your MOm relax a little,
I wouldn't put up with her shenanigens and I certainly wouldn't let her ruin my visit home to see my family.
You are the younger and smarter sister obviously as you have a life and are living it. She on the other hand is caught up trying to live everyone else's life,because she doesn't have one of her own. You need to enjoy your holidays, totally ignore her behaviour and rude comments even if you have to ignore her. Make sure you spend time alone with Mom and the rest of the family. You are not obligated to drive her around with you and I would make a point of leaving her to her own devices....
She is not appreciative and it sounds like she has little or no respect for anyone, give her the same considerations she gives you. Give her a taste of her own medicine and don't be afraid to dish it out... Stand strong and together with the rest of your family to put her in her place and don't let up.. talk to your other sister and tell her howyou intend to handle her bad behaviour. Having a co-pilot always helps the journey go smoother. Your BF should be welcomed like family after 4 1/2 years together. There is no reason for him to feel bad about her bad and rude behaviour. He should give her an opportunity to be nice. if she isn't he needs to put her in her place.. You need to talk to your Mom and help her get a grip on this situation which is causing a rift in the family.
As a daughter your feelings and knowledge should be given the same consideration your Mother seems to be giving her. You need to tell Mom that and let her know how you feel.
If there is no hope for the situation and she is allowed to continue, pick another destination next year and maybe invite your other sis and husband down to stay with you.. Once your Mom and sister realize you mean business there could be a light at the end of the tunnel...if not there is nothing you can do to open their eyes.

Answer 4

as a big sister let me say i am sorry you got stuck with her. nothing you do is going to change her mind.you could stay at a hotel this way you do not have to be in the thick of things 24-7.They may never get along, and that is ok. Do not let her ruin the holidays, but do not let her make hm feel like less of a person. tell her things sweetly like," I am sorry that you feel that way", or " I am sorry that I do not share your point of view.". your sis sounds like my little sister, who can never be happy and has to yell at everyone. she has a problem, not you. my mom bows down to my sissa too, and i found out why.it is easier to some to give them what they want so they dont have to have fighting. I am sorry this is going on, and i hope your holidays get better. your bf sounds like a sweetie to put up with the sister, and the drama.you are right not to go back, and to have a nice distance between the drama and you.Maybe in time you and the sister can work it out. my sis is now 24 and i am 28. we both are getting married, and trying to work on a relationship. it feels all up hill but i hope it works. Love her because she is your sister but you do not have to like her actions and choices. again i am sorry about things and hope things get better. good luck

Answer 5

this is a very messy situation indeed. I guess it's much better that your bf doesn't join your family for the holidays. That would be the best scenario. However, if you can't help it, then maybe, you should already apprise everyone in your family, including your mom, about the rift between your elder sis and your BF, so that they are aware of the undercurrent, and not add to the fire. I have a brother in law who is also not popular in my family, and most of the time he doesn't join our family gatherings.

Answer 6

well, that means you have to prioritize, and make a decision.
Your problem really sucks, but could it be a case of your sister just not thinking anyone is good enough for you? older siblings have a tendency of doing that, no matter how mean they are to you.
You're mom might need to step in too, because it seems to me that you really love your boyfriend, and that our family should respect that.
If i were you, i would confront my sister, with my boyfriend, and ask her what her problem is.
If she starts dissing him again, just tell her that you get *that* part, but surely she's not so shallow as to let menial things like that get in the way. When people get challanged like this it puts things back into perspectie for them.
I hope your situation resolves!

Answer 7

The time has come for you to stand up for yourself.
the moment your sister says the first thing negative towards you or your boyfriend. the two of you packup your things and tell your mom merry Christmas but you can no longer subject yourself
to the un-warranted attacks on you and your boyfriend by your sister so in an attempt to see that everyone has an enjoyable Christmas you and your boyfriend are going to go spend it alone or at his families place. bet you things will be different next year.

Answer 8

Before your bf gets there, sit down and talk to your sister. Try to find out what she doesn't like about him (it could be as simple as 4 and half years and no commitment and she doesn't like the way he treats you). The tell her that you will no longer put up with her rude behavior and if she starts that she will have to deal with you. You are probably going to have to get between her and your bf (literally) and start yelling. It is not up to your bf to set your sister straight, that is your job.

Answer 9

Yep, you better draw your "line in the sand" right now. Ive got a similar situation. Hubbys sister has NEVER respected me and it is now spread to her not respecting my kids ( her nieces ). People like that, you have to "nip it in the bud". Its easier than trying to fix it when its been going on forever..(trust me ). If she doesnt respect you and your bf now..she wont respect your future kids either. and that REALLY sucks. So stand your ground, I agree with telling your mom in advance that if sis starts her crap, you and bf are leaving. Everyone deserves to be treated decently. Happy Holidays :)

Answer 10

best thing to do is talk to her and tell her how you feel. she's just giving him a hard time cuz she's jealous of you. i know it's childish but it's a natural behavior. you don't necessarily have to look for an apology but just let her know how you feel when she does certain things. she needs to know that you have feelings too and hopefully she'll at least respect your space.

Answer 11

talk to he and tell her everything that bugs you and just let your thoughts be known.the truth and nothing else. good luck.