are my parents fair or being to strict?

Question

Hello i am a girl who is 12 year of age. I had been with friends after school and one of them had some cigaretes she got from her mother. Well i know its not good to be smoking but both my friends did and so i did too and it was very gross and i not want to do it again. My friends never before have smoked i know either. But bad thing was my friend big sister find out and told on her and on us and we all get our parents called. My mother very antismoke and she got very mad and my father did too and i told them all what happend and that id never do it again and i mean that! But still they mad and say i needed be punished so i got a spanking that hurt ALOT and they say i may not ever play again with my friends who get me to do that. Is that fair? I am not so popular in school and my friends important to me and i dont want not ever see them again! How can i get parents to change they mind?

I know it fair to punish me but why must i lose my two best friends is that not unfair?

I have tried talking to them about it and telling them i am sorry for it but they still say they bad influences so i must stay away!

Answer 1

Sry...but i have to say it's fair. If your friends are smoking you should stop hanging around them or you'll get into trouble. Just being there you can. It's like a fight at school and there's a whole group of people. Even if you're not cheering them on you'll still gonna get in trouble because you're there. So i wouldn't hang round the girls anymore. and you're parents are just trying to protect you. and that's fair enought if you ask me! so now you knw that next time you shouldn't be around those girls or even try to smoke. if you knew that you're not supposed to then y did you do it? Think about it....

Answer 2

It does indeed sound like an unreasonable punishment. Leaving the spanking aside (which I strongly disagree with) it is not fair to have your friends taken away from you, especially since it was more or less harmless. Trying a cigarette once does not make you a smoker. In my opinion it just makes you realize much more how disgusting it is.

I do not know what to say to help you. It is very difficult to change your parents mind if they have decided on something. Whatever you do, do not start fighting against it or doing something stupid, that would probably make the matter worse and they would just blame your friends again.

Maybe if you wait for a week or two and try to talk to them again after that. Then they have calmed down and might be more reasonable. Btw, you can always meet your friends at school, so untill your parents hopefully change their minds you can at least see them a little.

EDIT: For the people who think that since you tried smoking at the age of 12 you're gonna do drugs and have sex at an young age, you are totally exaggerating things! It is only natural to be curious about things and one cigarette won't give you lung cancer! It's totally different from taking drugs or getting drunk at a young age which does damage your body.

Answer 3

I think its a mix of both worlds really. She is just being a 16 year old by wearing suggestive outfits to school. School is not the time or place to wear anything revealing at all. Of course 16 is not an age where you want your child in anything revealing but I also believe there is a difference between revealing clothes and a swimsuit or shorts and tank top. I think I would do what you have done and make all of her outfits approved (actually I would probably do one better and make her try on all of her clothes and take away anything that might be to revealing). But in the summer time I would probably let her wear her shorts and tank tops and her two piece swim suit (I know when I was that age I hated 2 pieces because they made me look more fat than I really was and the last thing most people want is a 16 year old with body image issues). I would probably find her a 2 piece that is more covering than others though and maybe even a halter 2 piece so it covers more but still is a 2 piece.

Answer 4

Well they are just being a little unfair. They are really only doing it though for your best interest. Kids who already smoke at twelve years old, usually get into harder stuff faster than those who do not smoke. Your parents are thinking if you could not say no to smoking with your two best friends, what if your so called best friends do something much worse. You didn't say no the first time, why would you say no to something else. Your parents are looking out for your best interest in the long run, you may not believe it now, but it is true.

Answer 5

You parents are right to be upset, but they should remember that you are at the age to experiment with these kinds of new things. I am not supporting what you did at all - smoking is absolutely horrible. I am so glad to hear that you thought the same thing. Peer pressure is awful at your age, and it won't get any better for a while. Try to keep your confidence, and the next time someone offers you something you know you shouldn't do - please be stong enough to tell them no. If someone offers you a cigarette, tell them that smoking is horrible for your body, and it makes you smell horrible too, and say no. If they don't respect that answer, they don't deserve your company. As far as your parents -- try talking to them about what happened. They may or may not have overreacted in this situation, but think about how they must feel. If you gave in to this pressure to have a smoke, what will happen next time, and will it be worse than a cigarette? They are probably just scared for you. Talk to them about it, and tell them what you have learned. As hard as it may be, be honest with your parents. They love you and have your happiness and your best interests in mind. Good luck!

Answer 6

Your friends are bad influences, and you're obviously very easily convinced to do something you knew was wrong and didn't really want to do. Your parents are absolutely right for punishing you. I'm not sure about the spanking part, but that's up to them, as long as they didn't beat you. Ditch these friends and find some nice girls to hang out with that won't peer pressure you into smoking, drinking, drugs, and boys. Your parents are doing the right thing- they love you and want to keep you safe.

Answer 7

I think it is not unfair. If your friends are smoking cigs at 12 they will be trying drugs, alcohol, and sex before age 15 or 16.

I really suggest your friends parents know what happened as well. If their parents don't care and let them continue then your best friends are being neglected and can be taken from their parents for this.

I suggest you take the punishment and try you best to stay out of trouble and not get involved with other things. You will earn back their trust.

As for the spanking thing that left you in pain (a tap with no marks is allowed by state governments usually although I do not agree), that is abuse. If it continues I suggest you find someone to confide in. Abuse only esculates over time. Get help if you need it before it is too late.

Answer 8

It's kind of unfair since you learned the lesson that smoking wasn't for you without the spanking and friendship ban.

But your parents meant well, I'm sure that the ban from seeing your friends is temporary. Just be a good kid for a few weeks or a month, point out to your folks you HAVE been good, learned your lesson, etc. and want to see your friends again, that THEY learned THEIR lesson, etc.

Be reasonable, calm, and polite through it. Your folks will be so impressed you didn't whine or cry, they'll see that you are sorry, and they'll let you.

Worth a try anyway.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Well think about it this way if your child smoked what would you do ?. I'm 14 so I have to agreed with you as well as your parents if I was you I would ask them if I could have a limited time away like 1 month or so pick something big so they know you're serious. Sry you got spanked that must have hurt like crazy

Answer 10

I don't think you will be able to change their mind. What you have to understand is that you've broken the trust they have with you. When my boys (ages 16 and 14) have friends that I don't really like them hanging around (for whatever reason) we always have them over here at our house.

Go to your parents. The best thing you can do is admit that you made a mistake, and apologize. Do not expect that you are going to change their minds. Tell them that you understand that you violated their trust, and then suggest to them that THEY supervise you and your friends by having them over at your house. That way, you get to keep your best friends, and you make your parents see that you are responsible for the mistakes you make, and that you're willing to earn their trust back. It might take time, and you might hate having to be "babysat" but in the long run, you will come out ahead.

Goodluck!