If you were abused as a child are you bound to do it to your kids?

Question

If you are bound to do it then how do you not.

Answer 1

I grew up in a VERY abusive home. As a child I was physically, verbally, sexually, and emotionally abused. I have an older brother who does not have children (thank God) and treats people just like he was treated, same with my younger sister. I have vowed since I was a teenager never to yell or physically discipline my children. Once you have resorted to physical, verbal, and emotional abuse you have show you have lack of self control and lost control of your children. My son is 3 in a few days and I have never ONCE laid a hand on him, and have only used timeout as discipline. He is VERY respectful (please, thank you etc) and have never had anger or other problems from him.

75% of children who are abused continue to abuse others as they grow whether it be their own children, peers, or strangers. IT is instinct to act as you have be acted against. It takes a very strong willed person to turn around and go against how they were raised.

For the record: I moved out at age 15 and havent spoke to my family since and I am almost 22.

Answer 2

You are ABSOLUTELY NOT bound to abuse your kids if you were abused as a child. I was abused as a child and into my teens in many ways. I have a beautiful 4 month old daughter and I would never ever in any way abuse her or any of my other children that I plan to have. Discipline yes but abuse no! You also have to be a strong willed person to not do it! With some people it takes lots of therapy! If you were abused then you should seek treatment or at least have one session with a counselor of some sort before you decide to have children.

Answer 3

No, that is absolutely not true. There may be a higher likelyhood, but you are not bound too. If you are worried about something like that, your best bet is to see a therapist or psychologist. They can help your work out your feelings, and watch for warning signs. Also, you could enlist the help of a few close friends or family members, to pay attention for any signs of abusive behaviour, to get help before it gets any worse. People that were abused as children can certainly go on to raise a happy and healthy family.

Answer 4

I grew up abused and I now have three kids whom I love and cherish very much.I know that the statistics aren't good for ppl. from my circumstances but your will and determination to be different and to make a difference has to be your goal.Some people use their childhood as an excuse to do the things that they do.That's BS! We make our own choices.I also went to therapy and parenting classes cuz I had no idea what was appropriate discipline.It really helps and if I feel really stressed or angry at my kids I go for a walk or our just outside to relax before I even think about disciplining my kids.Abuse comes from anger not love.So I love my children enough to just walk away until I can calm down.The important thing to remember is that everyone gets angry and it's okay to be.It is not okay to ever take it out on someone Else.I hope this answers your question.

Answer 5

According to studies about sexual abuse the answer is no, most sexually abused children do not become sexual abusers in the future. Here is an example:
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2003-02/l-ros020503.php
As far as other forms of abuse (neglect, emotional,physical,mental) I would say that the abused child would have to come to terms with the abuse and understand that it is not their fault. They would also have to be consciously aware of themselves and their personal views of how their kids should act and how they want to enforce the behavior. Unfortunately, we model our parenting style after our parents. If our parents failed us we should look to other models of behavior such as books, parenting classes, etc. Many hospitals, churches and community centers have parenting and anger management classes. The military provides many services through centers such as the Fleet and Family Center (Navy). Sometimes being a parent can bring up old issues so talking to someone is helpful.

Answer 6

I was abused mentally,physically and sexually. I have been married 17 yrs,we have 2 girls 16 &13. I WOULD never hurt my girls the way I was hurt. I believe in life you choose you own path. I would tell anyone kids don't come with instructions,you choose to be a 'good' parent or a 'bad' parent. And ppl that have been abused should get counseling, it really does help. When ppl say "it was done to me,so that's why I do it",thats' a cop out.

Answer 7

Only if you don't realize it was wrong and you took it like a normal thing, or if you lost your mind in the process and become mentally ill. But most abused people tend to overprotect their children. I'm a man hater BTW. My mother was abused and she grew up hating men for it. She met a nice guy (my father) and got married. But while she was having me, she had all those negative flashbacks. Is why I was born a man hater even tho I've never been abused as a child.

Answer 8

If you were abused as a child, you should make sure that you have been to therapy and feel you are ready to have children. If you have temper problems, etc, you should seek anger management.

There are plenty of people who are abused as children but go on to live full, abuse-free lives. You just have to be more aware of the potential for problems and head them off before they start.

Also - if the abuse was sexual and you have even thought about sexually abusing someone else, you probably should not go on to have children, in my opinion.

Answer 9

Today's culture has taught whenever someone gets caught doing something bad to another person, the offender immediately cries, "I couldn't help it...I was abused as a child". It has become a convenient excuse for misbehavior and it sickens me. Being abused as a child should NEVER be used as justification for becoming an abuser. NEVER...
As a very wise man has advised, "You gotta rise above your raisin' "
Don't have children if you think you can't handle it...and remember that it is always 10X tougher than how you might imagine it to be.

Answer 10

You are not bound to do it. First make a conscious decision that you WILL NOT abuse your children.

Next, either take classes or read up on positive parenting methods. Observe parents who treat their children well and ask for their advice.