Father's Rights?

Question

Okay, so my ex-fiancee is pregnant and she asked me to sign away my Father's Rights in an attempt to 'protect ourselves from ourselves'...in other words she doesn't want me to in a few years come and try to take custody of the child.

First of all I have the best interest of the baby in mind, I am afraid that just because we decided that us getting married wasn't the right thing to do it seems that she feels that I shouldn't have any connection to the baby.

Next, over the course of our relationship, she has proven to be quite indecisive and has major mood swings(ie. early in the day she tells me how much she loves me, then for no reason at all that afternoon she hates me and wants to break up). Now, when she doesn't get her way she makes my life Hell...which is what she is doing even now trying to get the rights, especially since the baby isn't due until June. I fear for the baby sometimes knowing the decisions that she has made, and her family's stability. Any good ideas?

well if it makes any difference I am in California, So the laws that would apply would be the ones here.

Answer 1

Every child deserves contact with their bio-dad unless the bio-dad is unfit (abusive, etc)

In addition the mom doesn't sound like a great parent and you should take responsibility to make sure your baby is treated well.

I would consult a lawyer.

Answer 2

You know, there are so many deadbeat dads out there (mine was one) that I hate when some guy who is actually trying to do the right thing is put through the wringer by some psychotic heifer. There is no way in hell you should sign away your rights. If you think that there might be the NEED later to take custody, all the more reason. Unless you have abused her or are unstable yourself, she has no right to remove you from the child's life. Whatever you two decided about your relationship, you still both have an obligation to be present for that child.

I would also have a consult with an attorney and get some legal advice. It sounds as though by not signing away your rights you're going to set off a firestorm with this woman and you should be prepared for what could come afterwards as well as know what proactive steps YOU can take to prevent any b.s. later. You are probably going to have to work overtime to be a part of this child's life, but take the steps now to do that so that if later, you do have to file for custody, you have a pattern of involvement already established. And if she refuses to let you be involved once the kid gets here, take HER to court. She has no right to make that decision for you. (And make sure you take notes on every conversation you have with her, and keep all written communication. This will help you immensely in proving that you have tried to be a dad to this child and she is not letting you.)

Good luck and kudos to you for trying to stay in the loop with your kid. He or she needs you.

Answer 3

Well, to start, in my state ( Michigan) you can't sign off rights unless someone is there to adopt the baby, I think you have a lot of rights, if you pay child support you have every right to see your child on a every other weekend basis or whatever you 2 work out, if she doesnt go along with this you can take her to court. A child needs a father too, dont let her walk all over you. Its too bad it didnt work out like you planned but putting the baby in the middle is wrong. I would let her know you plan to help raise this child and let her know you want to spend time with the baby also. Iam a single parent and have been through this. It doesnt have to be hard as long as both of you are fair.

Answer 4

By all means do NOT sign away your rights. It sounds like she is unstable, and if she ever really goes off the deep end, your child may need you. Abandoning a child before it is even born would be a horrendous example of fatherhood.

She assumes (as do most parents) that she'll be alive and healthy for the entire time the child needs her. To place trust in "fate" like that isn't smart. It's not wishing any ill on her to point out that if she suffers some unexpected tragedy, you want to have a say in what happens to your own flesh and blood.

If she is harrassing you, get a restraining order - you have recourse to the courts, use them. But she can't terminate your parental rights without terminating the pregnancy.

Answer 5

Depending on where you live the laws are different.
In Australia as of 1 July this year the laws were changed to give fathers more rights.
Therefore, as a father paying child support the court recognises that a father should play an equal part in the childs upbringing.
You are entitled to have your child every second weekend if you wish and also days through the week.
You are also entitled to share in the decision making of the childs well being and upbringing.

Answer 6

Dont sign away your rights. If you want your child to know you and she doesnt want the same your best bet is to find a lawyer who is pro dad and get visitation and such now. The baby dont need to be born to have rights to it. Hopefully she will change her mind about al this. Pregnancy can do alot to someone. My husband actually said I was the worst person to live with in the last 4 months of my pregnancy. Some people have mood swings all thru there pregnancy. Most lawyers have free consultations so check it out.

Answer 7

I think this young woman is confused right now. It could be possible that she maybe getting brainwashed by family and friends. In my oppinion if your a good father you have every right to have a connection with your child. What i mean by good father is that your in her life and willing to pay child support. You need to sit down with the mother to be and be straight with her and tell her how you feel. You both need to decide what is right for your child, not what is right or convenient for the both of you. You also need to understand that your ex is pregnant right now and is very hormonal, so she is not in her right state of mind at the present time. But its still doesnt give her an excuse to be irresponsible with her actions. You both need to realise that you have to decide what your going to do now. Do not confuse you child just because you two are undecisive. God bless and love that child.

Answer 8

NEVER sign away your fatherly rights. You will regret it later.

If you're really acting in the best interest of the child, you will keep your connection to him/her.

You are already saying that you have concerns about her competency. Put your actions where you mouth is.

I am sorry that she is making your life a living hell. I have experienced that myself, but do not give up your rights under any circumstances.

May things could happen...

What happens if she is not a good mother and the child ends up needing his/her father to take over? What happens if something happens to her and there is no parent to take over the upbringing of the child? What happens if the child grows up and somehow tracks you down only to tell you that they hate you for abandoning them with a mother that abused them.

You have rights. Be a man and stand up for them! (I mean that only to encourage you, not to insult you in any way)

Depending on where you live... you might not even be able to sign away your rights unless they are adopted by someone else.

Answer 9

Yup, leave it to a good old control freak to tell you what's best for you and everyone else around you. First off, I was married to a nut job that sounds almost identical to your ex. I hired an attorney, it cost me alot more money than I wanted to spend, but I'd do it again. I didn't sign anything she or her attorney asked/told me to and I spent a year fighting her off in court, but I ended up with joint custody. It wasn't fun, but I wasn't doing it for me, I did it for my son. I adopted him while his mom and I were married, his biological father wanted nothing to do with him. There's alot more to this story that I'm not getting into, it would take too long to write, but bottom line is if you want to be a father then be a good father. Tell her to take a flying hike and start looking into what you need to do to be a part of your child's life. I guarentee you she wont waste any time trying to figure out how to keep you out. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

DON'T sign away your rights!!! That's what they have the court system for, yes you will have to pay child support, but it gives you more power as to where the child lives, where s/he will go to school, and visitation rights... once it's set by the courts, there is nothing that she can do to stop you from seeing your child... every child should know their father, it's an important factor in growing up...
i've run into the same thing with my ex, and at one point i wanted him to sign over his rights as well, but i got to thinking about it, and it wouldn't do our son any good...
STAND YOUR GROUND, that baby needs you in his/her life, and you should be there, no matter what your ex thinks...