Would like adult opinions please! Does this sound like a relationship thats doomed to fail?

Question

In my relationship with my boyfriend i've found that i'm constantly walking around on eggshells. I'm scared that I am going to do or say something that will make him angry&then I won't hear from him for awhile. This happened the last time we argued&I didn't hear from him for three days&was wondering if something had happened to him, because he was failing to respond to my efforts to contact him. It's not the first time he's done this. Things have gotten so bad that i've found myself constantly replaying and overthinking our conversations in my mind after we talk, so that I can assure myself that I didn't say or do anything to him that might have made him mad&cause him to disappear again. Another thing is, he will complain about things that I don't do, & when I try to do them, he complains about how I did them. All of this is really stressing me out. He has me constantly second guessing myself & worrying if what i'm doing is right or good enough. How can I stop worrying so much?

Answer 1

Girl move on. He seems very out of balance he will only break your confidence and your personality. Find someone better. He is no good for you from what I understand and you are not happy.

HONESTLY it is not going to work.

Good Luck

Adult Georg

Answer 2

First thing, you obviously already know this is wrong. If it wasn't then your mom would already know about it. Second, A year ago my mom found out my Dad was cheating. I have a large immediate family. We lost the house and my twin brother and sister are now living with each parent, I, being older, moved out. I still keep in touch with My Dad and especially my mom. It would seem that the whole thing was my Dad's fault. But he obviously was not happy otherwise he would not have cheated. No matter what you do your mother is sure to find out. there's no way of knowing how except if you yourself inform her. But that is completely up to you. Personally I would emotionally guilt trip either one of my parents if i would have been the first to know. Unfortunately, ultimatums never work out no matter how well thought out they are. And what's more your Dad doesn't sound like he would feel guilty anyhow. I can appreciate the situation but I'm sorry to say I've never been exactly where you are. My advice, don't take advice from anyone. Do what is right in spite of the consequences. Just make damned sure it's the right thing. And not that you owe it to him but if you do end up telling it might be a good idea to give the old man a heads up and set a decent time frame. That way you wouldn't be giving him an ultimatum but instead allowing him to prepare himself and not be caught off guard. Tell him, I love you and i love mom, that's the only reason why I'm doing this. ... if that s the decision you decide to make

Answer 3

Yes this is doomed to fail! A guy that puts a so called girlfriend in this state of mind doesn't deserve anyone. When your with someone it's because they want to treat you special. Not make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells all the time. Second guessing isn't good either. What is he trying to prove, how inconsiderate he can be? If I were you I wouldn't give him the time of day. He's not worth the agony your putting yourself through. Have some respect for yourself and get treated like a queen. Slimes like this are just seeing how far they can push you. Do yourself a favour and run away from anything that might cause you to be involved with him. Cocoa

Answer 4

I personally think that you need to leave this guy. If you are with someone that makes you act like a person that you are not and someone that is making you feel insecure then yes it will fail. It might not fail in the sense that you two will break up but it will make you into someone that you won't even recognize anymore. A relationship should be something that you look forward to and enjoy not something that causes you stress and heartache. Of course there will be times that you will fight but if this guy is that immature to stop talking to you until he feels like it and is not trying to help fix the problem then you don't need him. Trust me, if you keep stressing over this you will become sick and start to lose your self. It may be hard to break away but in the long run it will be for the best. You don't want to lose everything and those who are close to you because someone else made you feel less of a person.

Answer 5

you have two options - stay or go... in a few years you can think of this posting and say to yourself "God - I'm so glad that I decided to leave, because life and love should never have been that difficult." or "God - I wish I had the courage to leave at that point becuase it has gotten so much worse"..


Let me put this another way - Imagine that you're in a supermarket - You've got 13 items and you're behind 3 people in line to check out.. You can stay on the line, knowing that eventually you'll check out, or you can move to the express line and be home sooner.. In both cases the outcome is the same, but in the express lane (ie leaving) you've found the relationship that you want sooner...
This example is also a "best case" scenario, cause your BF sounds like he could eventually become abusive!

Good luck in whatever you do and I hope I didn't lose you with the supermarket metaphor.

Answer 6

I was in a marriage to someone who was very critical of me, even when I tried to please her. I walked on those same "eggshells" trying to figure out what to do or say to make things right. I finally concluded (after 10 years of marriage) that I was never going to be able to make her happy. I continued in the marriage for the sake of the kids, but eventually she grew tired of the stress and asked me to leave. Now that I am out of that situation, I can really see how unhappy I was.

It sounds like you are in a similar situation, in that, no matter what you do, you are not able to please him. I suggest you take a step back from things and ask yourself if you are really happy in this relationship. Don't get so focused on making the other person happy (like I did) that you forget that you need to be happy too.

Is this kind of uncertainty what you really want? If it isn't, I suggest you talk to him about taking a break, or going your separate ways for a while.

Answer 7

Leave him. He is no good for you and obviously bring too much negativity to your life. You deserve to be treated as a queen and should settle for nothing less. He has you too stressed out. From the sounds of it you can't be who you really are with out it causing a problem. Therefor he is not the one for you. Dump the chump and find someone worth spending time with that will make you feel good about yourself instead of tearing you down.

Answer 8

It's obvious that your not in a healthy relationship. You need to relax and just be your self. Your paying way too much attention to what he needs and wants. You need to be your self and stop being scared. This is no way to be happy and if your not happy then whats the point ? If this guy doesn't respect or appreciate who you are then he is not worthy of you. There are man out there who do appreciate good woman and you sound like a pretty good one to me. So... just be you.

Answer 9

I feel for you I was in a relationship like this. Never wanted to up set him. Always second guessing. I finely figured it out. It was easier and more fun without him. After I quit caring and stopped trying he figured out if he was still mad or not, I got my life back. So my adive to you is: Screw him let him be mad -- wait for him to contact you. Go out with friends, go to the movies, walk the mall, just stay active. Believe me when he thinks hes lost his power of always knowing you'll be there he'll either come around and start treating you better or your better of with out him.

Answer 10

No man is worth all that. You really shouldn't have to worry about every single conversation you have with your man. That's just not how things work. Try talking to him about it. Just tell him that you feel like you have to watch what you say around him and that you're afraid that he will avoid you if you say something "wrong." You shouldn't be questioning if you're good enough for him. The question should be "Is he good enough for you??"

Answer 11

This relationship is definately doomed. He's being controlling, manipulative and distrustful. He's using your concern for him to gain power in this relationship and you should get out of it as soon as possible. He's making you doubt yourself, and that's a bad, bad thing. Your boyfriend should be supportive and make you feel better about yourself, not the opposite.