My father-in-law passed away about 2 weeks ago, my husband has since cried once (that I know of). He was doing better throughout the funeral and for a few days after that and now he's angry and depressed. I asked him if he wanted to talk. Told him I am here for him and all he can say is "I don't know if I even want to talk to you". How do I handle that? How can I make him see that if he cries and talks about it things will be better?
2006-11-30 07:24:09 · 13 answers · asked by Mommy to One 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i have been in a relationship for almost 10 years and my significant other's father just past away over the weekend. I don't believe he's even begin to deal with is grief yet. but i can't see how being intrusive is going to help. Continue to support him, if he cries let him cry and let him know it's ok, if he doesn't cry in his own time and place maybe he will. There is no one right way to greive and we will all have different methods. It's a hard time for him, i assume as well as for you and i think support is the best answer. Who knows he may be dealing with issues concerning his father that you know nothing about....and it may be his personal journey to deal with it within himself. Like i stated earlier continue to be the supportive wife that it appears you have been and i believe he will pull through....
2006-11-30 07:34:56 · answer #1 · answered by weary minded 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you knwo what- don't tell him anythig- Hugs aer the best tell you the truth. Don't ask him if he wants to talk or aything. When he's ready to relieve his feelings he knows he can go to you just make sure you keep that door open and try to keep from fighting over stupid little things. Remember- he's going through a hard time and even being reminded that he didn't take the trash out or that he left his dirty clothes in the shower after bathing can rise up a big fight. Think about it this way- he's gonna be sensative for a while and you need to jus be there. My BF of 5 years father died 2 years ago and up to this date- he wakes up in the middle of the night crying out of no where and all i do is give him a hug and listen to what he has to say even if i;m half asleep and tired- he knows he can wake me up even for the simplest thing like a hug. Everything is gonna be better as time goes by- just tell him everything is gonna be better and remind him that you love him very much and that he can count on you!
Good luck and so sorry for the loss i know how it feels.
2006-11-30 15:48:53 · answer #2 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lost my grandma right before my birthday then on my 13th wedding anniv. was picking out a casket for my father who commited suicide then 2 days before new years my grandfather passed away. That all happened 3 years ago and I am still having to be the one to help my family members. He is going thru the normal stages. Angry depressed next it could be guilt or whatever, don't push him let him deal with it the way he can but let him know you are ther whenever he would need you. Remind him of some of the funny things he did while he was here. Try to understand but also tell him you don't know how he really feels. Just ask him every once in awhile are you o.k.!!!
2006-11-30 23:42:52 · answer #3 · answered by dodgeum43 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your father-in-law's death. I agree that men grieve differently -- the best thing you can do is be there for your husband, a supportive presence, and you don't necessarily have to say anything if he doesn't want to talk. Don't be surprised or take it personally if he is very irritable or snaps at you in the days/weeks ahead. When the time is right, you can say that you lit a candle for your father-in-law, or make one of his favorite dishes to serve. These little gestures let your husband know that you are thinking of his dad, and honoring his memory along with him. My sympathy and very best wishes to you and your family.
2006-11-30 16:05:43 · answer #4 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please accept my deepest sympathy. This is a hard question especially if you have never lost a father. It seems as though you should just leave him alone. He will talk when he is ready. A person that loses a loved one goes through statges. He's almost to acceptance. Maybe he does not deal with his problems by crying. Has he ever cried about anything else before? Does he normally talke about his problems? Just be there for him when he does break down. It will happen.
2006-11-30 15:37:15 · answer #5 · answered by Gina B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you can't say that crying and talking about will make it get better because everyone has to grieve in their own way. When my son died, I wanted to put up all his pictures and almost build a shrine for him but my husband forbid any pictures or any reminders of him to be up or around. We made it through after I had a nervous breakdown trying to grieve his way. When my husbands father died-I'm the one who had to wake him up in the middle of the night to tell him-I thought he would hate me. It took him almost a year and a half to get back to "normal". Everybody has to be allowed to grieve and they have to grieve in their own way. If you push things, you will only make them much worse. Just be patient and give him time to do his own thing. Time is what heals--not crying and not talking.
2006-11-30 15:49:43 · answer #6 · answered by triplete1958 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having been involved in grief counseling for awhile, I can tell you than men have a completely different way of dealing with grief, which is a shame. You can suggest grief counseling, or counseling of any kind. He is probably in shock or denial, and will not yet go to anything to get help. Simply make the suggestion, and then let it go. Be supportive and perhaps he will eventually open up.
2006-11-30 15:41:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know the feeling. He's going through the grieving process, and this may take a while. Just support him. He may not want to talk about it, so try to make life normal again. If he gets angry, then he may need to understand that things aren't your fault. It took me a while to get over both of my parent's deaths. Best of luck to you and him.
2006-11-30 15:51:14 · answer #8 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband was the same My husband friends helped him but i did let him no im here just as you did some times people have to deal with death there own way and all we can do is stand by and wait
2006-11-30 15:31:38 · answer #9 · answered by helen l 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the best thing you can do is let him grieve its a process that some people have to go through if it gets worse find out about some counseling or support groups but until he is ready to talk to you let him grieve and just be there when he needs you. good luck!
2006-11-30 18:56:48 · answer #10 · answered by soshaun 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋