I am ready to live on my own with him but he wants his fam to move in so they dont have to live in an apartment and pay rent anymore. with his family being there itll be just like living with my mother. i wont cook because his mom will, i wont clean because his mom will already do it. We wont have our privacy and i will feel like an intruder. it just wouldnt feel like our own house. i told him all of this and he just got an attitude with me and told me "fine so dont move in". What should i do? do u think im wrong?
2006-11-30 07:09:29 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He's not your husband yet. I WOULD NOT move in. It sounds like your boyfriend wants to take care of his family and have all of the benefits of having a mother do all of the things that the two of you should be doing as a couple. You won't have privacy, mom will know all of your business, and it'll be awkward when you want to be romantic. Do not give him an ultimatum. Just find your own place. If he wants to fly the coop and decide he wants to experience manhood without his family living there, then he'll make other arrangements. Besides, the house may not have been about you to begin with, but about his family.
2006-11-30 07:14:15 · answer #1 · answered by wrtrchk 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm from Mexico, over there this is pretty usual, or NORMAL (maybe just for the middle class), the wife has not choice but move in with husband, this includes mother in law FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,no privacy is the first thing you are going to regret, SOO MUCH, what if you decide to have kids??, she's going to take control of it, tell him something like:
I'm happy for you, it's really nice that you want to buy a house for yourMOM, and thinking about me it's also nice, I love you so much but I think things can get out of control in the future, and when I move in I would love to have our privacy, if you know what I mean, make this about him, like he is the one that doesn't want them to move in, because he'll be losing a LOT of good stuff, which is true, can you imagine having his mom walking around the house when you want to get a little of action in the living room, or wherever.... UGGGHHHH
2006-11-30 07:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by NONONO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's wrong to want to have a separate life with him. But you have to respect that he wants to look after his family, too (and that's a very admirable thing). Maybe try and compromise. Find a house that has some sort of separation, like a separate garden flat or something, so you and he can get some privacy from the rest of the family.
You'll also have to discuss it with his mother, and figure out some sort of schedule so that you get to run the house as your household, and not as just hers.
Good luck!
2006-11-30 07:14:05 · answer #3 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
By the way your Boyfriend responsed it sounds to me like his family is going to move in regardless of your decision. Considering you are still a GF and he is the one purchasing the house he has every right to do with it as he pleases. You have to respect his decision to take take of his family, even though you (like me) are against it. You can manage it. I am sure the mother will be glad to share duties with you.
Now once you get married and move further into your relationship then things tend to change when making decisions but until then you have to respect his wishes. Hope this helps and good luck!
2006-11-30 07:18:52 · answer #4 · answered by James R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jointly as extending a helping hand (he and his family individuals desire you impressive now) i'd set some floor policies. jointly as working with him, evaluate that he's in an quite awkward place. he's in all hazard no longer delighted at having them there the two yet feels obligated to help, in spite of each and every thing it particularly is his family individuals. there will be issues and you're able to try to think of them with a watch in the direction of a thank you to administration those you have expected, and be certain to artwork by those you haven't any longer. One approach that facilitates is to set a date for the 'bypass to' to end. Date or timeline it particularly is. additionally, set up and talk barriers that comprise actual area, use of home equipment, entertainment instruments, bedtimes meal circumstances and so on.. some quite petty themes can blow up if resentment is authorized to correctly up and communique is the main excellent treatment for that. solid for you the two in case you're able to make bigger a helping hand yet don't be a doormat. solid luck.
2016-10-04 13:51:44 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't move in with them. I don't think you're wrong. You both need your privacy, but it sounds like he's not ready to part with his parents yet.
If he can't understand why it just needs to be just you two,...alone,...I would tell him it isn't going to work out!!! His family is going to be there a long time!
I would stay right where you are and find a new boyfriend!!!
2006-11-30 07:17:47 · answer #6 · answered by Jenna 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is right. I think you need to take a more adult approach to the situation. If you'd like to assume the tasks of cooking and cleaning, it's all about your demeanor. The same goes for feeling as if you are an intruder. The fact is, you'd all be moving into this place at the same time, so there is no precedent of who does what. You should be flattered that your boyfriend considered you in this venture, and cool the pettiness.
2006-11-30 07:15:48 · answer #7 · answered by stargirllll4311 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Soooo, you would basicly just be there to have sex with him??
sounds like he is setting himself up a cozy little arrangement there. Youre right, it wont be your own house, you will be the live-in who**. Maybe his mom will break her leg and then you will "get" to clean and cook ( prolly to HER specifications and wishes). THIS guy sucks! I would take his advice " dont move In". You deserve someone who respects your feelings. blessings.
2006-12-01 03:47:02 · answer #8 · answered by cheese food product 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lord, don't let them move in!
You are absolutely right about not having any privacy. And if the two of you ever have a disagreement, he'll go running to his mommy for support. They could be there for years!
Sounds like he's not ready to be out on his own yet.
2006-11-30 07:12:26 · answer #9 · answered by Hot Pants 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, you're right! You want to live with your boyfriend - not move in with his whole family! You'd be an intruder, a stepdaughter, a visitor in your own home. Put your foot down, if you two are moving in together, it will have to be in your own apartment with just you two and nobody else!
2006-11-30 07:12:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋