Woman only! Am I just the for now Guy?

Question

I'm with this girl, she ask me out (in a shy manner). She told me her baby father brought down her self esteem and that I'm bringing it up. The last guy she was with after her baby father right before me couldn't perform in bed but she tells me I can. She said the last guy felt threatin by her babys father and she didn't like that. She talks about her babys father alot bringing in examples of him when where having convo ( not a lot but a little to much) so i understand why he felt that way. This guy was her first, they have a baby together, and they once lived with each other (the whole family envoriment). So does she still have feelings for him? Am I around just till she feels better about her self? Or will she find someone else to fill a void that she feels she is missing?

Answer 1

I don't think she is over the man, you need to find someone who is emotionally ready for you. Frankly sometimes women who have such low self-esteem and self-worth try to trap men to stay with them.

Run.

Answer 2

First, ask yourself what it is that you are looking for in a relationship. Sounds easy, but it can be tricky. A lot of people just go by what society's role dictate their relationships should be without ever questioning what their needs are and what is truly important to them.

And YES. This woman has issues. Not that she's a bad person, but if you want to be romantically involved with her, you're going to get hurt. It already sounds like you are basing your self worth on what she thinks of you. That is dangerous and slippery territory that won't go anywhere pleasant for you.

She's trying to fill a void that she doesn't even want to LOOK at right now. She's externalizing everything onto those around her. WHY would she even TELL you about how other guys were in bed?!!! If you ask me, that's sabotaging any chance at setting a true foundation for a healthy relationship right there. There is nothing you can do or be that is going to make her get over what she needs to get over faster.

Base your self esteem on YOU. Figure out what you want from your life and relationships and go for it.

And yes, If you decide to go away, she'll just find another person to fill this role until she decides she actually wants to deal with her feelings and examine what she really wants out of life and seeks a way to get that for herself.

This is out of your hands.

Answer 3

Well I've been in the same situation as her and to explain it a little. If he was her first then he was all she knew and so she talks about him alot simply because thats all she thinks she has to talk about. She knows no other relationship really, but him. Thing is she may still have feelings for him and thats not going to work with you. Talk to her and get a feel for whats really going on. She will tell you even if she doesn't "tell" you. If this becomes true, break it off easily, but still be her friend and be there for her because chances are this guy is a real jerk and if she goes back for him he will hurt her and she will need someone to lean on. I don't think she is strong enough to be persuing a relationship with you or anyone right now. Good luck sweetie:)

Answer 4

There are several ways this could go. Whether or not she still has feelings for the baby-daddy, she's probably convinced herself that she does, because she feels that she *should*. After all, "everybody knows" you don't go and have a kid with somebody you don't care about. Or, if she stops caring about the baby-daddy, it means she'll stop caring about the baby. Or something equally messed up. Oooh, and I just noticed you said he was her first. She's also probably got guilt over giving it up for somebody who didn't stick around.

I don't think she intends to keep you around as Mr. Right-Now. But I think she's going to be working out her feelings for a while yet. And I don't think you'd be out of line to mention that it makes you uncomfortable when she keeps talking about him (assuming that's a truthful statement). She may just be totally unaware how often she does it, or that it might be something that would bother you.

On the bright side, the rule of thumb is that the best guy to be is the SECOND one after a girl's bad breakup.

Answer 5

That's a really complicated question. She will definitely have strong feelings towards her baby's father, although they won't necessarily be love. She will always have a connection to that person, because of her child. Now to the question of whether she is using you or not. She may or she may not be. It's hard to tell, because you didn't give too many specifics. You need to ask her yourself about her true feelings toward her ex, and whether she loves you or not. She probably feels insecure, since she had a baby at such a young age, and it's important to her that you not feel intimidated by her ex. Just try to talk to her, approach her gently, and ask her what's going on. Be very understanding, because she's going through a rough time. Tell her that you just want to know where you stand because you feel confused. Tell her that you love her.

Answer 6

I suggest that you be a friend to her and nothing more - for the moment. Right now (even if she may not know it) she needs time to heal her wounds and work on herself. Even if she approaches you about sex or relationship possibilities I suggest you take a step back and tell her that you aren't ready for a commitment just yet. Be careful she doesn't try to make you the "rebound"guy or the "backup plan". Be careful she's feeling you out to see what type of man you are (if you would take care of her and her child). She could even still have feelings for her other man and just need someone to substitute him. Be careful and don't get attached to her, sit back and watch and see what she does when she gets rejected - does she try to work on herself or does she jump into the arms of another man.

Answer 7

Stop talking about yourself so much. Your not some kind of super hero, are you? I didn't think so. Maybe realistically set attainable goals for yourself in terms of women would be better suitable for you sir. I am not sure your getting the idea of a fast food joint on the corner with no stop sign in front of it! YOU need to appreciate these things for when it's time to decide how your going to contrast and compare life's issues, you'll have an idea. Your lacking something that is making her feel that way. Perhaps your not good looking or no personality.

Answer 8

I'm not sure, and I think you should talk this through.

You obviously like this girl and her child a lot, but maybe she's having a problem moving on, but that doesn't mean that you and her won't last.

I still talk about old boyfriends with my husband, and he talks about his exes, too.

As long as you feel enough for eachother, the past will recede eventually.

All the best.

Answer 9

I think she is just using you to boost her self esteem.
Getting involved with a woman who has a child is very sticky-she will always have feelings for the baby's father.

Answer 10

She is testing you because she thinks she doesn't deserve you. She thinks that if she talks about her ex so much that she intimidates you into leaving, that she will prove herself right in that she is worthless in her own eyes.

Solution: ask her (kindly!) to not talk about her baby's father, because she's with you and you want to just talk about her and you want her to talk about you, not some other guy.

If you stick with her through this, she will realise that you are worth keeping, and she will still want you around when she feels better about herself.

Good Luck :)