Boyfriend wants to swing...should I do it?

Question

I am open to new experiences and have always thought about it myself...does anyone have any first-hand good or bad experiences that could help me in deciding???

Answer 1

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WHAT TO DO THIS. IT'S NOT SAFE.

Answer 2

If you do it, make sure you set down some ground rules - even if you think it should be obvious, say it out loud and WRITE IT DOWN. Seriously; make him sign off and agree to abide by them. And make sure he takes them as seriously as you do. For example, condom use is mandatory among most self-respecting swingers, so that's a good rule to have on your list. But if he's the kind who could be tempted into having sex without one just because the girl insists she's clean and on the pill, then you *really* don't want to be in a swinging relationship with him.

Other rules you might consider:
- No alcohol
- No kissing on the mouth
- No doing anything with a swing partner that you haven't done with each other

That last one may seem a little odd if you think the "point" of swinging is to hook up with folks who will do new and different things. But it can be a fast track to insecurity or jealousy to find out that your beloved's swinging partner did something he likes that you haven't been willing to do for him.

Really, the overall answer is that you need to have had some serious communication about your relationship and where it is and where you think it will go or stay. But the ground rules are the most practical first step to that.

Answer 3

Just getting in my 2 cents and getting my 2 points.

Hot damn RacerX! You took the words right out of my mouth. Exactly right. It's all about demystifying sex with other partners. Tell a person they can't have something and that's precisely what they think they want. People are mistaken when they believe that sex is worthy of being the bond that makes a marriage holy. Anyone can offer sex. It is not unique to the person. What IS unique is the love and affection and caring that is expressed with it. When you try sex with another person, while the sex might be fun and friendly and exciting (because it is someone different), you really feel the difference in the distinct LACK of intimate emotional connection with him or her. And it reminds you just how very special your spouse is and how lucky you are to have someone who is secure enough in himself to allow you to discover him anew like this. The phenomenon of increased emotinal intimacy that so many successful swinging couples report seems so contrary to what is "logical", but it just can't be denied. I know it can't, because we've experienced it ourselves.

Seriously, check out swingersboard.com. There's so much more to the story than what you've read in Cosmo.

Answer 4

First, taking advice about swinging from a bunch of non-swingers on here is like learning skydiving from someone that has never done it. All you're going to get is opinion and not real, helpful information. Check out The Swingers Board (link below) for real, honest, and openly discussed information and issues.

The first thing you notice here is a bunch of people saying they know someone that did it and it was a disaster or they tried it with their ex and it was a disaster. What they aren't telling you is all the facts about why the relationship ended. I'd bet in every single case the relationship was on the rocks to begin with and they were using swinging to try to "spice-up" or "fix" their relationship. In reality all it will do is hasten it's demise. Adding more issues to an already shakey relationship never ends well.

As an open-minded, non-swinger friend who has been to several swinger parties with my wife and I once observed:

"Swinging is like the icing on the cake. But if the cake underneath doesn't have all the ingredients to make it solid, all the icing in the world won't keep it from crumbling."

Or as someone else once said:

"Swinging won't fix a bad relationship, but it sure as heck won't hurt a good one."

Blaming swinging for killing a relationship is kind of like blaming toothpaste for cavities. If you neglected your teeth for ten years and didn't brush them, then one day you start and you end up with cavities, was it the toothpaste's fault? No. Starting to brush your teeth now won't "fix" the ten prior years of neglect.

Same with swinging and failed marriages and relationships. Swinging to fix a bad relationship is like buying a new home thinking it will be a new start and save the relationship. It never does.

When people swing, or coerced into swinging for the selfish reasons of another there will always be problems. That is why it has to be both of your fantasy for it to work

Swinging is the great equalizer. Believe me. Many men want to do it than realize when they are there that it is as much, if not more a woman's domain than a man's. It can be very sexually liberating for a woman, and this can very scarey for an insecure man.

In swinging, both partners have to be able to accept the other on completely equal terms in the relationship or it doesn't work. Of course, if you can't do that than the relationship is eventually doomed, anyway.

My wife and I have been swinging for several years. Our relationship and sex between us was great when we started, and it's even better now. We started because we both had fantasies to fulfill that required more than two people, and we wanted to help each other realize them. We were secure enough in each other and our relationship that we could express those without fear of the other freaking out in some insecure, jealous rage. We didn't start swinging to fulfill some selfish desire to have sex with other people. We started swinging to fulfill each other's and our own fantasies. It is a couple thing. A team thing if you will. It's not just an "I" or a "her" thing.

Many of our friends say we are the happiest couple they know. We are like teenagers in love. We do everything together. We talk constantly. We text message each other at work all day long. We have even started car pooling to work even though we work several miles from each other just so we can spend more time together.

Swinging has revolutionized our communication with each other. Taking sex out of the equation as THE reason we are together has very clearly defined all the other aspects of our relationship that holds us together all the rest of the time we are not having hot, steamy sex. Basically, sex does not equal love. Friendship, trust, respect, honor, commitment, etc, all play a much bigger role in a happy marriage. You can have good sex with almost anybody. But not just anybody could replace everything else you have with your spouse or significant other that is the reason you are in love with them rather than anyone else with a sex organ.

Just make sure you are on the same page about what you are expecting from it and set your rules and boundries about what you are comfortable with happening during the experience. And look over The Swingers Board.

Answer 5

Yes! You get to make just about all the decisions here. I imagine most guys want to ask the girlfriend to do it, but it's always what the woman wants to do. And you don't have to do anything with anyone your not comfortable with. Your boyfriend is not going to be able to swing without you. Make sure he knows that.

Answer 6

My x-husband wanted to swing and when I didn't he did it behind my back.He also set me up a couple of times,"dinner" with friends from work ,I had to come out punching to keep the freaks off me,he tried to get me to turn bi and do threesomes since I don't want to screw men I don't know ,but I'm not gay and I don't want to watch my man with another woman and I don't want a man that's not happy at home so we are divorced and I'm very happy and proud of my self that I didn't let his relentless pressure and threats change who I am or my morals.I've since married a husband who not only respects my values but shares them.just remember in any relation ship open or not ,once something happens you can't take it back .My husband was so possessive if I ever did gave in I think he would have killed me.

Answer 7

Well first of alll you have to have rules with each other on what you both find exceptable. What you expect of the other person and what your boundaries are. Talk to each other on what you don't want to happen and try to be clear. This will, hopefully, keep out any conflict between you. And know that most everyone in the "Lifestyle" has rules, be respectful of them if not you will be kicked out.

Answer 8

Do you love each other?
Are either of you the type to get jealous? Ever?
If the answer is yes, then I suggest you re-think it.
Most of the people who try this end up ruining their relationships, because either-
A. Someone gets jealous.
B. Someone ends up liking it so much that they re-evaluate your importance to them.
C. Someone leaves someone for the 3rd wheel.
D. Unless that's how you want to spend the rest of your life, it WILL ruin your relationship.

Answer 9

You better think about this one long and hard and make sure you are 100% o.k with it. can you handle watching your man have sex with another woman? and can he handle you with another man? this could ruin your relationship if one of you cant handle it. What if one of you likes it and the other one does not but the person who does wants to keep doing it? but hopefully you will both love it and it will work out many couples do it you just have to trust one another . good luck

Answer 10

SOme of my friends have tried it, and it damaged their relationships (some beyond repair and they ended up splitting.) I know one couple (not friends really) who swing and have been together for a couple of years. They seem to be happy and have a good relationship. Think about why you would want to and why you wouldn't. Pros and cons. Find out why your boyfriend wants to (besides the really obvious). It ends up being about more than good times and sex.

Answer 11

IMHO I would say it can only go bad in a "new" relationship. Nothing hurts like jealousy between bf/gf.

I would recommend - No. Don't do it. You should explain to him that you don't want to share him with anyone else.