We've been together for almost two years, and we live together. But never do anything together anymore. He usually stays up late on the computer or on his Playstation, and I go to bed alone. We rarely have sex or even touch eachother. He used to pay attention to me when we were first going out. Now, I look at other guys. I doubt he is cheating on me. I really don't know what's going on. When I ask him about this, he acts like he has no clue and nothing has changed. I think we're getting worse.
2006-11-30 06:35:33 · 40 answers · asked by msbinky5 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've tried suggesting going out but he says he doesn't have money or whatever. I've stopped caring about when our Anniversities are. He still remembers them. I feel so alone and sad. I think I'll have to really talk to him.
2006-11-30 06:42:29 · update #1
i've been exactly where you are. talk to each other. most likely he is still in love with you and thinks things are fine. i have been married for three years and was once in the same problem. my hubby would always be up to two or three in the morning on the net or playing ps 2 and i was asleep. we maybe had sex once every couple of months and it just felt like we were two people living together. but we talked and things are better now. he still loved me he just thought things were fine. guys think differently than we do, but one thing you have to realize is that they will never act like they did the first couple of months. several times i have wished that my hubby would look at me and pay attention to me like he use to, but i have to understand that we have been together for a while and nothing will ever be exactly like it was in the begining. but that does'nt mean that it can't still be a great relationship. just talk to him. i'm sure he still loves you. if you love him, it's worth working on it . don't let him go so easily. i almost did. and i would have regretted it.
2006-11-30 06:40:59 · answer #1 · answered by sarah 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know alot of people that go through this kind of thing (including me and my girlfriend). I can't really explain "what's happening" based on the information you gave me.
What I can say is there are a few things you could try to see what happens.
1. Get back to basics. Ask him out on a date. Yes, you've been together almost 2 years, you should try having a date. Make a date night, once a week. Go to a movie, go to dinner, take a walk, make out in the park....whatever you used to do that brought you together.. try again now.
2. Try spending time with him, doing something HE enjoys. If he likes playstation, buy a game that you think you'd enjoy, and see if he wants to play along. If that works, see if you can convince him to try something you enjoy too.
3. As far as sex goes.. it's important to spice things up once in awhile. Try seducing him. Put on a sexy outfit and greet him at the door when he comes home from work. Wake him up 1/2 hour before he has to leave for some "fun" and wake him up in a nice way. Don't push him and say "I'm horny"....seduce him. Wake him up in a special way... it'll surprise him and hopefully make him more interested..
Both women and men suffer from the "we always do the same things for sex syndrome". Although sex is always fun... it can be boring if you always do the same exact thing. Try to find something new, interesting, and exciting...for both of you.
Lastly.. although you talk to him about it... are you sure you're asking the right questions? When it comes to sex, ask him if there's something he wants to try. If it doesn't exceed your personal boundaries... go for it. When it comes to spending time together, don't "nag" at him to spend time with you, ask him if he'd take you for a walk in the park or something. Ask him to go shopping with you, and then find a nice pair of jeans for him... go in the dressing room and help him put them on or something. ;)
If none of this works... it might not be worth your while to stay with him. I have no doubt that he's with you for a reason... but there's no reason to live a dull life with a person....life is too short.
Good luck
mj
2006-11-30 06:47:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need couples therapy, especially if he can't see that there's a problem. You need to sit him down and make sure you have his full attention and keep saying that you feel ignored until he realises what you're trying to tell him. Make a point of turning off the TV, holding his hands and looking him in the eye when you explain how he's making you feel. Don't accuse him of anything, just tell him how you're feeling.
Why not try and break the everyday routine. Maybe try inviting some friends over for dinner, or rent videos for the night. If he's not keen on leaving the house, try bringing things into the house for the two of you to do together.
Good luck! I hope your situation gets better soon!
2006-11-30 06:41:35 · answer #3 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You guys really need to sit down face to face and open the lines of communication. Express what's on your heart and if he acts like nothing is wrong then you have to be the stronger person and give him an option, either things start to improve in our relationship or he has to go. Don't put up with unnecessary dumbness, especially being with someone who doesn't know your worth. It won't be easy but if you like being a doormat then live your life. You deserve so much more from someone who will cherish you. If you are alone with him then why keep him?
2006-11-30 06:41:22 · answer #4 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh. Could be a number of reasons. Honestly though it sounds as if you guys are more roommates than a couple. If you can't talk to him then write him a letter. Tell him that if things don't change than you two should go your separate ways. He needs to get off the computer and go to bed with you. You guys need a date night. You aren't even married yet he acts as though you've been married for years. If he refuses to try to work things out than he just not be the guy for you.
2006-11-30 06:43:55 · answer #5 · answered by gypsyintexas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I have been through the same thing with my b/f and I found it was due to boredom and doing the same thing night after night. I would think he still loves u but needs something to take his mind off the computer. Go out for a few nights a week with friends (trust me u need space with mates as well as with him) and when u see him make him feel wanted as well and soon he will change and pay you more attention, Good luck and dont give up without a fight
2006-11-30 06:40:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
he's taking you for granted.
Try initiating sex with him. Or even better, when you see that he's going to play playstation, offer him sex instead.
Also, it sound like you two need spends some time learning about each other's interests. Make a deal wiht him...tell him you'll play some Playstation with him, if he goes does something your interested in with him.
Go on some dates, get out of the house, re-kindle that flame!!!
2006-11-30 06:44:03 · answer #7 · answered by pastor of muppets 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am in the same situation as you, except that I confronted him about it and he said that he hated his job so much, that he didn't want to bother doing anything else. He also has 3 kids that need him, which makes my situation a little different than yours. But we had yet another talk about it yesterday and he said that since he's been thinking about quitting he is starting to feel better.
My suggestion would be to go ask him if there is anything bugging him at work/school and see what he says. Also tell him how you feel about his behavior, he might not even realize that he is making you suffer.
Good luck to you
2006-11-30 06:39:54 · answer #8 · answered by amarilysusa 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if you don't suspect hes cheating, he could just be in a 'comfortable' zone with you and your relationship. I've read a lot that the 2 year mark is when men start to feel comfortable and get lazy. This isn't a bad thing in that he's not interested, but it could be bad cause he's making you feel lonely. Do you fight often? If not, then I'd try to have a talk with him to see whats up. Tell him you need more romance and see if he complies.
2006-11-30 06:38:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well hun, try asking him to do things together and see what he says. in stead of going to bed when he is on the comp or playing his game, try watching him play, my boyfriend loves when I watch him. Also try renting some good movies you can both watch together. Little things, lunch date, dinner date, stuff like that. Or even make him a nice dinner, seems like the two of you are just living not enjoying each other. Make an effort and if that doesn't work, maybe its just time to move on.
2006-11-30 06:39:42 · answer #10 · answered by grrrrme 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋