sensitive issue, serious answers only please also no offence meant?

Question

My toddler is 2 and a half, I still get changed/take baths infront of him. Today I said to him come sit in the bathroom while I have a bath he plays with his alphabet letters and sticks them on the side of the outside of the bath while Im in there, this has been the routine for as long as I can remember, so today he pipes up 'wheres mummy's willy?' So pretty stunned I explained that mummy doesn't have one because she is a girl, he looks puzzled and keeps asking, I didn't know what to say and just tried my best to distract him, anyway I don't know if I should cover up around him now or what to say mummy 'has' Im scared he is going to come out with it around other people and that could be very embarrassing. Do I ignore and wait until he is older? this is my first child so new territory for me.

LPM psychologist or psycho? I think the latter is more appropriate. But each to there own I say thanks all except for the idiots you know who you are.

I fail to see how I have made a big deal out of it? I answered him the only way I knew how. But then again I suppose I should get used to critisism because it doesn't matter how I dealt with it it will always be wrong to someone!! Oh well last time I ask for advice on here.

Answer 1

Just be natural. Kids are naturally curious and it is better for him to know they are differences than make it out to be disgusting or unnatural.

Answer 2

My eldest son is about to turn 3 and I have bathed/showered with him since day one. I also change in front of him and don't see it being a problem for at least another year or two, when he starts school.
For the last 6 months or so he has also been curious about why mommy doesn't have a penis. I simply explain that mommy has a vagina because I am a girl and only boys have a penis. He was happy with that explanation but was confused as well. He thought girls couldn't pee because we don't have a penis!! haha - until I told him that we can pee, we just have the "pee part" inside instead of outside. He's almost always comes into the bathroom with me but around this time also became interested in what mommy was doing? Peeing? or pooping?

Daddy is much more modest and so our son has also learned that some people prefer to have privacy when changing or in the bathroom. He also has a new little brother (2.5 months old) and he is fascinated that he has the same parts only smaller (toes, hands, penis). I have been teaching him that he must ask permission to touch another persons body (his brother, me) and that while it's ok to touch himself (his penis), it should be done in the privacy of his bedroom or in the bathroom. He is also old enough now that I ask his permission to touch him (help him clean himself). Not only does it help him learn some independence but it may help keep him safe one day!

I figure the body and it's functions are only natural and there's no reason to be ashamed of them. Children pick up on our attitudes towards the body, sexuality, etc... so easily and earlier than we even realize. Do what you feel comfortable with. The library has some great books that could help you if he keeps persisting and you're not sure what to say. But keep it simple - if he needs more information, he'll ask.

Answer 3

There's nothing to be upset about. Just explain cheerfully and calmly that boys have willies, and girls have curly bits. Go on to say that these bits are quite special and usually are kept private. When he's three start explaining that he is going to find out soon that it's fun to play with his willy, but it's only done in privacy, like using the toilet. Add that because willies are private, no-one else is allowed to touch his willy except mummy and daddy when they're washing him, and occasionally a doctor, and that he's not to touch anyone else's willy either because they're private and special. He does need to know all this and it will end his confusion and curb his fascination once he knows these facts. At about this age also start introducing the concept of 'privacy please' when you use the bathroom; start showering and bathing yourself after he's gone to bed; and encourage a little modesty in both him and yourself without making him feel that there's anything wrong with willies or curly bits.
Nothing to worry about. Just normal stuff. Don't lie or distract him, tell him what he needs to know. Good luck.

Answer 4

I raised many kids-- seven of my own and a couple adopted. I think letting him in the bathroom with you at this age is not only natural and normal, but safer than having him unsupervised while you bathe.
I tried to answer every question my kids asked truthfully and with correct terms. That way, I never had to have the 'big embarrassing talk" when they were pre-pubescent, and had already been exposed to piles of misinformation from other kids and worse sources!
Be AGE APPROPRIATE. In other words, just answer the question. Tell your son how females urinate without a penis. He didn't ask where babies come from yet... nor how they get into you. So wait until he does. Then give just enough to answer the question and let him feel comfortable asking it, so when the next question comes, he will come to you then too.
Open unembarrassed communication with our kids is so incredibly valuable. If you child learns at an early age that nothing needs to be hidden from you, that he can ask you anything and you will be truthful, that no question is too embarrassing... then he will have this confidence clear through his teen years and beyond.
Trust me on this, please--- it truly does work. My kids are grown now, but they still can and DO talk about anything and everything they want to with me.

Answer 5

The sure fire way to produce a child who is embarrassed about his private parts is to be embarrassed yourself. The younger you tell them the facts, the more "matter of fact" it will be. He has not been "trained" that willies are "naughty" like you have been. Buy him a simple book from a shop that shows basic biology of a man and a woman and has a picture of a male and female genitalia. If he knows about it now, he won't be giggling and embarrassed about it when he finds out later.

There is nothing wrong with being naked around your children. My husband regularly jumps into the bath with our 3 year old daughter and takes a bath at the same time - no problems whatsoever.

Answer 6

I have the same fears myself with my 21 month old son. Although he is not saying any of those body parts, he has gotten to where he grabs Mommy's tee tee's when ever he wants my attention, or a good laugh. Hope this is from the breastfeeding era.

All I can tell you is I plan on continuing to explain to him that Mommy is different then he is, even when I use the potty, cause he stands up to pee & of course Mommy sits.

You might want to limit yourself from being exposed in front of him, if possible. I'm a single Mother, so sometimes I have no choice but to throw him in the shower with me. Maybe, if possible you could bring the highchair in while you bathe. He will be secure & you can peep in on him while bathing.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Your son is just curious, he's noticing that people are different and it is natural for him to ask questions. My advise would be to answer them honestly in a child like way so he can understand. Try not to get embarassed or flustered because he needs to feel comfortable asking questions like that - the answer should only come from the parent in my opinion.
As for him saying something embarassing infront of other people, i can gaurentee he will do it 100's of times!
As for whether you should cover up in front of him, that is a decision that you have to make. If you now feel uncomfortable being naked then do it. But don't make a big issue of it, kids in their own time develop their own sense of modesty, you don't need to push it onto them.

Happy bathing!

Answer 8

Honesty is always the best policy here. Your son is curious and doesn't understand the human body, but it's nothing to be ashamed of or scared about. Just tell him the truth and if he doesn't understand talk about it when he a little older. Maybe try a picture book that discusses anatomy.

I wouldn't worry about covering up around him, once again there is nothing wrong with the human body, and you are his mother after all. Try not too worry too much, I am sure he will forget all about it in a day or two.

Answer 9

Vagina is not a bad word. Rather you should cover up or not, I think that's up to you. But if he asked you about your elbow or nose, you would tell him. Your beating around the bush is making it more likely that he will want to say vagina once you tell him because you are clearly making a big deal. Trust that he can sense your reluctance, and at 2.5, he knows clearly when you are ignoring him by trying to divert his attention. It really isn't worth all that. Just say, I have a vagina, you have a penis like daddy. And that's it. Say it like you would "elbow" or any other body part, so he doesn't see it as a big deal. That's what I do, although my kid is 16 months. But I nurse him still and I used to worry that he was going to just flash me in public once he could, but he never has-he just says "eat" and so I worried for nothing.

Answer 10

Don't cover up in front of him, or try to make out that it is wrong to talk about these things, the human body is not obscene or offensive. Like some of the others, I agree that its best just to give a simple and truthful explanation. Also, if he does bring it up infront of others, don't be embarrassed by it - he is only 2, and that is normal behaviour for a kid of his age. Once he understands that girls and boys have different bits, and if it isn't treated as something strange, bad, or taboo, then he will probably just be satisfied and not really bring it up much. Simplicity, truth, and openness.

Answer 11

Children will always ask questions. Answer them honestly in terms they understand. Just because your son is asking questions about the differences between boys and girls does not mean that he needs the full birds and bees speech, but does deserve a simple honest answer from an unembarrassed parent.
Should you cover up in front of him? That is more a question for you. Are you uncomfortable naked in front of him? Your relationship with your son is unique to you and him, what is right for me with my children may not be right for you, so I don't believe I can give you a straight answer. For two and a half years your child has communicated their wishes to you, this is no different. Do what you feel and think is right (but don't think too much!).
As for worrying about them embarrassing you, welcome to being the parent of a child who can speak ;0) Don't let your worry of what other people will think stop you being comfortable with your son. Oh and good luck.