my mum...i need help please!!?

Question

my mums an alchoholic, she has come to terms with it and stated going to the doctors, councelling etc. She got given tablets to help but she carried on heavily drinkin with them so had to be taken off them, my dad works some nights so im home alone with her and scared (she's fitted before) and i cry myself to sleep most nights, what should i do, or do nothing, also my dad is nearly gnna get a divorce but i think she will react bad......HELP ME!!

Answer 1

You need to tell your dad how scared you are and he can't leave you responsible. Speak to him, please.

Is there another family member you can confinde in?

This isn't your burden to bear hun, I feel so bad for you.

Speak to someone who can help you, please. x

Answer 2

Hello gaz,

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum and the pain that is in your life right now.

What can you do? Rather a lot actually, so take a deep breath and know that you are not as helpless as you feel.

The first thing (and most difficult to do and hear). If you and your dad help your mum, that is great because she can carry on doing whatever she wants to do and know that the two of you will take her resposibility. If you do not help her, she will be forced to accept the responsibilty for herself and maybe that will encourage her to help herself. So ..... It is difficult to let her "get on with it" because she might do something terrible (and I can see that you have a real fear that she could die) but that is the only way she will seek out the help she needs.

The next thing is that living in fear is awful, and everyone who has read your question knows that. You are not alone, but it is difficult to tell your friends, teachers etc how aweful it is. Find out where your nearest Al Anon meeting is. These are people who have been, or are still going through, similar experiences to your family now. They know that alcoholism is an issue which affects you deeply and they are a really good support. It is difficult to go to the first few meetings and admit this terrible secret to strangers, but they will not be strangers for long and I promise you they will really help.
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

The next thing is also difficult, but of course everything is really hard for you right now, but you are stronger than you feel. Remember that. What do you think a doctor who came unexpectedly to the house would say about your mum? Would he be afraid for you or your mum? If the answer the either of those questions is "yes", then you need some more professional support. If the dr would be afraid for your mum, she may need some in-patient help. This is not your responsibilty but your dad's. You need to talk it over with him and maybe talk to your GP or hospital.

If this mythical dr would be afraid for you, then you may need to talk to children's services who will get you a social worker.

Does your mum know how you feel? Or do you try and protect her? Your mum loves you more than anything on the planet. Talk to her (when she is sober if possible). Tell her that you love her, but her drinking is causing you fear and pain. Her reaction may be to defend her drinking (you don't say how angry she is) but she will think about what you have said and that may possibly be the drive she needs to get help.

Look after yourself. do you have a DVD in your room? Go to sleep watching funny videos.

Pray. God is bigger than all this and he loves you and your parents. Try reading some of the New Testament. It can be a real comfort.

I really hope that this helps. Take care. feel free to email me, I would be delighted to hear from you.

All the best

Answer 3

Call the social services, this is too much of a burden 4 u. Really too much. You cannot be expected to deal with her problems. Pray to God to help you. At the end of the day, she's got to start looking for help, if she doesn;t there's not aot you can do, you're not a therapist, doctor or nurse. You can only be there for her but if you can move out as this will start to affect your life & then you'll need help (sorry to say this). Would she go to rehab?
I'll pray for you if you don't mind....

Answer 4

My heart so goes out to you. Crying yourself to sleep, not good. This cant last for long without it affecting you for a long time of your life.

You do need to do something, when you do you will find you will feel you are in more control of things.
I think you need to talk to someone. There are lots of people out there that want to help, you just need to ask (see how many people replied in an hour since you wrote your question).
You have been given lots of advice here. It all looks good. Do as many as you can, but just one will help you.

Lots have suggested people you can ask or phone. Family, priest, and lots of others. For the first one, who do you feel most comfortable with?
The only one I havent seen suggested is a teacher.

Answer 5

This is too big a problem for you to deal with honey, have you told your dad,gran ,aunts about how you feel when your left to cope with your mum. Someone gave you an answer saying to phone Childline, good idea give them a try. Your mums not a bad person but cant help herself and nor can you.you need to speak to someone for your own sake. I wish you all the luck in the world with this one.take care

Answer 6

Hi gaz, you need to speak to your dad and tell him that you are very worried about what is happening with your mum.You need to tell him that you are worried that you will be left on your own with your mum.If you can,t speak to your dad, could you tell a close relative or a teacher ? if all else fails, there is a support group for children of alcoholics(but I cant remember the name of it).You could contact Alcoholics Anonymous and they will signpost you to it.You need to tell someone you know about how this is affecting you. Alcoholics can recover gaz, so dont lose hope.But you need to look after yourself aswell.The fact that your mum drinks is not your fault,pleez tell someone about what you are going thru so that they can give you support.

Answer 7

Has she considered going going to a rehab facility and staying for a while?
I am so sorry for the situation you and your Dad are in. There isn't much you guys can do if she wont help herself. Please don't let her problems carry on in to your life any more than they do right now. Just stay close to your Dad and talk with him as often as possible.

Answer 8

wow sorry to hear about what you are going through,your mom has to want to do it for herself or she will never do it but she also needs your dad's support and yours but if she falls off the waggon again i understand that sometimes tough love is the best,there is no one right answer i wish there was a easy solution but their isn't this will be a life long struggle for her and your family,have you ever told her how you feel and that you cry yourself to sleep if not she needs to know how much it is affectingyour life.
good luck with everything

Answer 9

You poor thing. You cannot force someone to deal with a problem until they admit they have a problem no matter how well meaning you are. If and when she admits she wants help, point her in the direction of alcoholics anonymous. For you, I recommend getting in touch with a group called Al-Anon. It is for the relatives and friends of those who are Alcoholics and is a support group for you.

Answer 10

You and your Dad have got to get your heads together and try to get through to her without shouting your Dad must need someone to talk to as well,I hope you find a solution but she has to do it for herself hang in there you sound like a great son.

Answer 11

First of all,You can not save her.Only she can do that.You need to live your life.Its very hard to detach but you need to.Only when the codepency stops will there be a chance for her.Right now she has all the attention,all the family's energy going to her.You need to reach your own goals in life.