My best friend is male, and I'm female. We've known each other since second grade (we're Freshman in college now), and we're like extremely close brother/sister. Dating him would be like dating one of my biological brothers. However, his current girlfriend doesn't seem to like the fact that he hangs out with me, exchanges emails with me, or actually, much of anything dealing with me. I've tried backing off to a point that I'm barely comfortable with in order to give her room and I've introduced her to my boyfriend, but neither seem to help.
I don't want too loose my relationship with my best friend, but I don't want to be a problem in their relationship. I have never seen my best friend as happy as when he's with her. He really loves her, and I'm pretty sure she loves him.
So, does anyone have any advice?
2006-11-30 06:24:40 · 10 answers · asked by Thek 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Heh. I was in the same boat as you when I was a freshman in college too!
What I did was email my friend (we'll call him B) and told B what I really thought about his relationship. I explained that his girlfriend made me feel uncomfortable around him and that it made me upset cause he was my best friend. I decided email was best, since I was, and still am, afraid of face-to-face confrontations. He was so happy that I voiced my opinions. He brought us both out to lunch and he excused himself from the table to take a "phone call" for a little bit. I got to talk with his girlfriend - she seemed very anti-social at first, but when I got to explaining how we are just friends and that I wouldnt dream of breaking them up, etc etc, she warmed up to me. Their relationship improved as well, as he was no longer stressed about the situation.
Ironically, they broke up a year later and he asked me out....and we are now engaged after three years of being together. Go figure, right?
Just ask him to bring the two of you out or something, so that you and his girlfriend can have some time alone that you set up to be time to talk about this situation. She may just not realize how close you guys really are - explain how yall have been friends since second grade, etc etc. And act as adult as possible.
Thats all I can think of!
2006-11-30 06:35:58 · answer #1 · answered by indianteardrops 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience, I think the problem here is that she feels threatened by your close relationship with him. It sounds like she wants to have that kind of close relationship with him, but instead just in the romantic way that yours and his isn't, if that makes sense. Maybe to her, when he is with her and they do things that you two did/do together, he talks about you alot and that is making her jealous. Being a girl, I know how that feels, and you always want your significant other to tell everyone about you when you're not around, it makes you feel good, but in your case it might be making things worse. I think that the 3 of you need to sit down, and if he hasn't tried telling her that it's just platonic between you two, then maybe he needs to tell her that. Maybe a double date might help, and then she can see that you love your boyfriend and are only just best friends with him. Hope this helps!
2006-11-30 06:38:05 · answer #2 · answered by Katie Jo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've seen this happen before... if she really loved him she wouldn't mind ya'll being best friends but you also have to realize that when you find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, that person should be your best friend. but if she has a problem with you 2 being best friends then she obviously doesn't trust him that much.... and i know of course just b/c he is you best friend and you feel hes like a brother you are going to be very protective over him... just kinda fall back... let him figure things out with this girl... just make sure that you are always there 4 him... i hope this helped.
2006-11-30 06:35:18 · answer #3 · answered by *little one* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just feels threatened by you. Ask her to go hang out with you one day and tell her that you will not interfere in their relationship. After that you all should double date or do things together not by yourself with him. even though he's your best friend give the girl the benefit of the doubt. with so much cheating going on these days you almost have to protect your relationship. Just read some of the questions posted here about friendships and feelings changing.
2006-11-30 06:30:15 · answer #4 · answered by Venus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that sounds like a very destuctive relationship to me...He seems happy now but if this girl is uncomfortable with you even after she has met your man then she is a jelious person. I would talk to your friend and try to explain to him the problem and try to work it out...if you guys are really close then you could tell him with no problems to the friendship.....
2006-11-30 06:33:40 · answer #5 · answered by madimadimarisol 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try to pin her down and talk to her when your best friend is not around to let her know that she has nothing to worry about? On the other hand, maybe she's had a bad experience in a situation somewhat similar to yours and she is afraid that both of you are lying to her or something. I would talk to her and tell her you don't want that kind of relationship with him, that you and him are just really close, nothing else.
Has he tried to talk to her?
2006-11-30 06:30:16 · answer #6 · answered by amarilysusa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and sit her down and explain how you feel about him and that you wouldn't try and get in the way of anything. Or tell your friend, let him know what's going on. She might listen to him rather than listen to you. But that might make things worse so just try and deal with things as best you can without blowing up with anger or losing your friendship with him.
2006-11-30 06:28:02 · answer #7 · answered by Diagonal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the both of them and present your side as not wanting to routine their relationship. Maybe each one of you can come up with a conclusion for each of you to maintain a positive relationship (but don't loose your best friend because they are hard to come by)
2006-11-30 06:34:17 · answer #8 · answered by katie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow thats a toughy, but i think you should maybe try to be friends with her too and if you wanna go as far as telling her that youd be grossed out if you two ever even thought about dating then do it, if keeping this friendship is important to you then you will do it.
2006-11-30 06:30:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think input from him is important and communication between the 3 of you.
2006-11-30 06:29:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋