Think Hard & Then Answer, Please..?

Question

If you were engaged to a guy/girl and he/sheis a really great guy/girl. But, there's one thing there struggling with (Pornography) What would you do? He's praying and believing and trusting in GOD that he will overcome this addiction. But, he's now beginning to feel in his heart, that until he can prove to GOD that he can overcome this addiction, he will not be ready for marriage.

I am a strong believer in prayer as well, and I know prayer changes things, so I am praying for him to. I LOVE him so much, and really want to wait on him. What's your input on the situation?

Answer 1

Hey, you have my name! J/K, glad to see another believer has my name at least. My thoughts and prayers for you are that you truly seek God's face during this time. Getting married will not solve your fiance's situation. In fact, it might compound it with the newness of marriage and everything sexual involved with it. I commend him for his want to overcome his situation, and I truly believe he needs to seek Godly counseling through the pastor or another strong believer with experience in these areas. You, also, should attend counseling. Don't let co-dependency conform you to "accepting" his addiction because your love is all powerful. It can happen and that I believe is not God's will. We should love God first, and our spouse second. In this be on your face seeking God's will for your life. Another thing for your fiance to keep in mind is that he doesn't have to prove anything to God, God knows every hair on our heads, I would think he knows what is in the depths of each of our hearts too. He really has to live a different life daily and dissociate himself from everything to date that has caused his situation. Counseling, support and accountability are what he needs big time. Prayers and love =)

Answer 2

I think both of you are wise to give it time.
But he will not find help only by praying. I am a firm believer in prayer and in God's power to change things, but God uses means.
He could find some good Christian counselling (for some reason I just assumed you were Christians - if you are not, then good counselling) - because these things can be overcome.
There is usually a reason why someone gets hooked on pornography. It's a question of finding out through counselling, and overcoming it.
The fact that he is talking to you about it is really positive and hopeful
He needn't be perfect for you to be married, but it would be good if he really got a handle on this. Otherwise it could torment him later. It would bother you too, wondering if he is fantasizing about other women when making love to you.
Many men have the problem and never say anything about it. Your boyfriend has the courage to talk to you about it and to try to lick the problem. Good for him!

Answer 3

Pornography is about selfishness and fantasy: marriage is about self-sacrifice and reality.

Pornography distorts what sex/the human body should be: a gift for a married couple to enjoy together privately.

In order for a person to overcome an addiction to pornography, the individual needs to understand why it is wrong. Feeling guilty helps, sure- but is it the same kind of guilt a person feels when eating another big slice of cake? In that case, true repentance will never come because it is not viewed as truly wrong.

Prayer is helpful, but a person needs to know God's views regarding pornography in order to overcome the addiction and truly want to be free of the enslavement to such a degrading habit.

Answer 4

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but I think it may be a very long time before he overcomes this addiction, if ever. This is probably why he is not ready for marriage. (Once married, he won't have the privacy to continue viewing pornography.) I've known many who were addicted to pornography and none of them ever "overcame" it. Psychological addictions are FAR more difficult to overcome than physical addictions. (There are no "meds" for this type addiction.)

As Eric said, praying *only* will not help, as "God helps those who help themselves". Continue praying about it, but also seek counseling .... and be prepared to wait it out a longggg time if you and he will only marry once this "addiction" is removed.

Otherwise, accept him and love him for what he is.

Answer 5

There are soooooo many Christians who have struggled with pornography (while they were Christians, not just before then) who have finally overcome that temptation with God's help. I had a friend in college who was in that situation but you would never know it today. Give him some time to work on it, and keep praying for them and encouraging them. Also make sure he knows that he doesn't need to prove it to God. God already knows what's going to happen. Also I agree with other comments before mine. Don't get married right now, encourage him to go to Christian counseling, make sure he is actively working on this problem.
I also recommend the book "Not even a Hint".

Answer 6

"Prove" That sounds like he is struggling with pride. Here is my insights, being a biblical counselor and all:

1. He probably hates looking at porn, so he tries to "close the window" on it, but leaves the window open just a bit just in case.
2. He has to resolve in his heart that looking at porn is ALWAYS WRONG. NO MATTER WHAT.
3. He shouldn't be about proving anything to God, because he has already proven that he needs God to work.
4. Marriage will not solve the problem.
5. No matter how good looking you are, you are not the issue.
6. If he wants victory, he will have to follow what Jesus says in Matthew 5:27-30; which may mean no internet at his house, and it may mean to put the computer monitor in his office with the screen facing the entryway, it may mean never being on the computer when he is alone, not walking down magazine isles in the store. Until he gets serious and sets up some radical boundaries, he is not really serious to deal with it.
I just prayed for him, that God would work in his life & give him wisdom.

Hope this helps.

PS- Prayer changes nothing, God changes things.
PSS- the issue may not be spirits at all but just good old fashioned SIN.

Answer 7

For him to be healed he must understand that the image of God is not swimming in the gutter of filth (man is God's image) created by mortal illusion. He must know that sexual acts are an abomination, while loving acts would never be broadcast to the public. He was never created a slave to pornography, and nothing can control his thought to make him believe he is a "real" addict. Pray and wait for the healing before taking new steps in life.

Answer 8

Hats off 2 u 2 wait till u can prove to God about this addiction.

Buddy its not going to be that easy,but as said he is having a strong feeling to ward of this addiction it will surely help.

1.Change the habit gradually replace it with things higher than it,

make him busy and no time to spare for such thing,slowly with

time it will vanish and he can then marry without guilt.

2.Sex is highest pleasure giving emotion so getting rid of it is also

not easy,instead he can divert this fancy by marrying the partner, I mean once this is sorted out by wedlock slowly with time it goes away,even the addiction too bcz he relishes practically and then old issues associated with it 2 disappear.

But remeber pornography or what ever is an associate of Sex,
and its God given for procreation,unless it stimulates there wud

have been no people on this earth,its for every creature.

Taking in right perspective is all that one has to.

Ok you got addicted so what doesnt God know,but unless you

experience by marrying how come you will remove this nagging problem.

Even God likes you to become clean,so its ok to marry and get cleaned than wait till you become free from addiction bcz it wont happen.

So relieve the hunger then no cravings for other forms of food is my simple answer.

And if its case of you unable to decide to go with this person on this issue,see 2 that how critical is it.

is it only he likes to watch then its fine and you can go ahead 2 marry and resolve the prob

but he likes to enact then its prob ,so you need to take time to marry him first one wud be the best wait till he/she comes clean.

But if you are anyway cannot leave the person then getting ahead

marrying is the best solution to get rid of this.

You will be free All the best

Answer 9

it sounds to me you have a great guy that cares... He recognizes that is is a sin and he is praying for help and he also relizes that right now with his addiction he isnt ready for marriage... definatly pray for him and wait... God has his own plan for everything. He will help your boyfriend overcome this. I would sudgest you adn your boyfriend nightly or twice weekly or what ever works for the two of yall set a time to set and pray and read the Bible together.... b/c when God is in the midst of relationship it is great.... just keep praying and be patient and have faith... Good Luck...

Answer 10

This is about repentence and letting God gain the victory for you, not overcoming this in your own strength.

All sin promises to please and to serve but only desires to enslave and dominate.

1) Being tempted is not a sin until we allow our self to be drawn into our own lusts. It is in our mind that we first lose the battle with temptation. Our actions are always followed by our thoughts.

2) We are to reckon our self dead to the flesh. If we will resist the devil he will flee from us. What we submit to grows stronger and what we resist grows weaker.

3) We do not resist the flesh and consider the devil dead. This is incorrect thinking. The first step to repentance is to know the true sorrow of your sin. This is Godly sorrow and genuine repentance.

4) Dying daily is the rule. The death of sin is in the decision. When you have a conflict between your flesh and your spirit and you decide to be led by your spirit, you die in the flesh. There cannot be death without resurrection so resurrection follows death. This means that power flows from obedience to God's word.

5) If you are not able to conquer an addiction, you are not battling Satan. You are contending with your own habits and inclinations. Satan's bondage over us has been broken. When we refuse to change our habits and discipline our thoughts we invite the bondage of our addiction back into our life.

6) Repentance comes before faith. Confession without commitment is just babbling and establishes that your word has litle or no value. Repentance is the pivotal point between rebellion and reconciliation, which leads to righteousness.

If anyone who is struggling with a particular sin in their life will follow these steps the power of God will be manifest in their life as they gain the victory Jesus gained for us on the cross through His death and resurrection.

Success in life is not the aim of the cross. Success in life is the result of the cross and having a personal relationship with the Living God that only wants us to be our best and the best for us.

As you draw near to God He will draw near to you. This is a promise from God. Believe it!