How do I get my 11 year old son to go to church with me without a huge fight every Sunday?

Question

Or should I just let him stay home?

Answer 1

Do you know why he doesn't want to go? I know that pre-teens can be difficult, but you need to take him even if he doesn't want to go. Does your church have a children or young teens program that he can attend? He might feel uncomfortable because he doesn't know anyone there. I would look to get him connected with either a pre-teen or children's ministry.

I also went through the same situation and I visited a couple of churches with my kids to see which one they liked the most. I can basically receive and hear God's word anywhere, but when you have kids, you want to make sure they're also hearing and receiving the word of God. Maybe try visiting a few different churches and ask him how he feels. Make him feel like his opinion counts. Maybe tell him you'll go to breakfast/lunch after church. He shouldn't see church as a dreaded chore or a punishment, but more like a privilege and an honor to go to the house of the Lord.

I feel your pain girl, I've been in your shoes. Don't allow him to stay home though. This generation needs God badly and letting him stay home will only show him that he does not need God in his life. God bless!

Answer 2

Reason with him by offering him an few options.

While Church isn't the most fun place for an 11 year old give them some sort of power over the situation.

Kids love to be involved andwhile going to church may be your decision on Sunday give them an option to where you eat breakfast after Church. Let them choose where you sit or even the time that you attend.

Church is about community, the community in your home, the Church, and the world around you. Involving your child in the community gives them a sense of purpose. Your child may not feel comfortable at Church or feel that there is no place they fit in. If you find a place for him he may be more apt to attend or atleast participate without much of a fuss.

I hated going to Mass but one day the gentlemen running the offertory and collections needed help. I reluctantly did my part and passed my basket back and forth in the rows. After mass I felt like I had a job, like I had something important to do. I never complained again.

While finding them a job during Sunday service may not be an option you just need to find a way to involve them in some way.

I say go with allowing him to choose the place to eat breakfast (or choose whatyou all have for breakfast) and see where that takes you.

Hope that helps,

Answer 3

At 11, you probably shouldn't let him stay home alone while the rest of the family goes to church.
However, you should not make him go in spite of what he may strongly believe, so when he gets older (the age whenever you'd let him stay home alone, possibly already) it should be his choice.
Some people are just spiritual without being religious in a go-to-church-every-Sunday kind of way. For him, it's probably the fact that he has to pay attention to something for an extended period of time. I know I was certainly bored at that age.
When he gets older (18+) he'll probably have decided by then what his beliefs are on such topics as worship, organized religion, etc. and he should get your full support.

Answer 4

How does your church do with youth ministry? Maybe if you find a church that still teaches the Word, but does it in a fun youthful manner, he will be more willing to go. Also, he is 11. He should go. Don't feel guilty about making him, but also remember kids learn by example. Show a good Christ-like attitude in all you do too, so that he will see the reason you go reflected in your behaviour. Don't let the modern idea of the kid's rule the house influence you. It will only get worse. Talk to your youth pastor. Maybe he or she will have some suggestions, too.

Answer 5

You didn't state but I wonder what is his reasoning for not wanting to attend Church - doesn't like the Church you attend, friends go to another Church, he thinks he has something else better to do while you're gone or he just plain isn't interested in Church.
If it's a fight every Sunday, then you're forcing him to do something he doesn't want - even though it's for his own good. Under those circumstances, he probably won't pay attention but then the possibility exists that he may just hear something that will stick with him.
How about a compromise of sorts for starters? He will attend with you every other Sunday & not raise heck on the Sunday he is to attend? or even ask your Pastor or Youth Pastor to talk to him.
God Bless and I hope things work out for you and he both.

Answer 6

You should have started him in church at a much younger age, our boys are 8,6,6 and 4 and they were born going to church lol. They love it because they have always known this to be a part of their life. At this point i think your son is too old to "enjoy" it persay. But i bet theres a group in the church he would enjoy being involved in....like our church have a program called AWANA's and our boys go every wen. They love it and look forward to it every year. im sure theres something about church he would enjoy. I wouldnt give into him either. Tell him he can either go to church or stay home and do NOTHING. and i mean nothing. take the plugs for the tv and computer, take the phone cord, so he has NOTHING to do. he might change his mind with time. when you get home talk to him about church and ask him to join you once in awhile just to see how it is. Maybe he will make friends there and WANT to go. Goodluck :)

Answer 7

Don't fight back. Just calmly and lovingly tell him to get in the car; it's time to go to church. Don't bicker, just be assertive and stand at the open door. Don't be mad, just be cool about it. After church, take him out for a nice lunch. Don't make a big fuss about how great a job he did going to church, don't re-preach the sermon and get into a bunch of overtalking, just at some innocent point mention it was nice having him with you at church and please pass the ketchup. The next week, do the same thing.

After he gets used to this pattern, you can ask him if he is enjoying going to church. If he says no, ask why he doesn't like it and be open to his answer. Don't judge it, and go think about what he said. Let this be a spiritual exercise for you. I mean, this whole thing really is about spirituality, isn't it?

Answer 8

Church is very good for them. I am 17, and I grew up in the Church, my Dad is a deacon. I dont know what your youth group in your church is like, but if can find some part of the church that he likes going to, then he wont fight you. I have spent years studying the Bible so that I could work with Kids at church, and when i started (at 15) to work with kids and invite them to come we did not have a lot of luck. kids are going to come to what they think is cool and church does not have to be boring. if you have to look into other churches that is not a bab thing. kids are often a lot smarter about things than we want to admit, if they dont feel comfortable in a church, they will not want to go. maby you can find another church for him. and some thing that other parents have told me is that they swiched churches because their kids did not like the old one, and they liked our church as much as the kids. if you can find one that you both like, then you will grow stronger in the Lord. I wish you good grace.

Answer 9

Do what my parents did. If we didn't want to go to church on Sunday then we had to stay home all day, no TV, no phone calls, no video games,nothing.We could read or do chores. Dad said, " If you can't give God an hour of your time, then you can't see anyone else either."
It made us go and eventually we realized the parents had our best interests at heart. Parents must not let their children be the parent!

Answer 10

RE-iterate on WHO is the parent. Your 11 year old doesn't have any say what he gets to do/doesn't get to do. You're the mom and he needs to understand that when he moves out of your house, he can do whatever he wants, but right now, you're doing your job as a great parent by taking him to church to worship. It's what God WANTS you to do, then when he gets older, he'll be able to make that decision for himself. Right now, he shouldn't be given a choice.