Do you think it is ok to have a 3 year engagement?

Question

Myself and my fiance are both 20 years old. We have been together for 3 years and have been living together for 2, however we have known each other for many many years. I am a university student and have completed 3 years of my 5.5 year program and I would like to wait until I graduate to get married so we can be more financially stable. Do you think it is ok to wait 3 years to get married? We are already living common law.

Ok thanks first of all for the repy. There are a few things, however that I should clarify. Yes I am a university student, but the program I am studying is Marine Engineering, and there is a global shortage of Marine Engineers at the moment and I am being funded by a company to attend school. As a result of this I have a job as soon as I graduate, (I have signed a 6 year contract). At the moment I am getting only enough to live and pay tuition which is why I want to wait because we just can't afford it at the moment. My fiance is content to wait 3 years as well. And as for the comment about common law marriage, in my Province if you are a couple and are living in the same household you are considered "common law"

Thanks once again for the replies, I feel this is the right thing to do, but I just want some outside opinions.

Answer 1

This sounds familiar to me because I am twenty and my boyfriend just made twenty one. We have been together for almost 3 1/2 years and we are almost out of college. Although we don't live together and we are not engaged we are waiting until after college to get engaged and married so we can be financially stable. If it is important to you to graduate before marriage, do it!

Answer 2

People can have some of the dumbest answers...

Talk to your girlfriend and ask her what she thinks. Tell her the same thing you told us...you want to wait so that you will be stable financially. Be sure to tell her that you do want to marry her but you want things to be in order so that you can start your marriage the right way. How long you have been together and/or lived together shouldn't matter. As long as you both agree on the end result, things will be good.

Always remember, if you want a good marriage, always be open and honest with each other. You both are still young and have time to get married. I say wait but be sure your g/f is on board with it and make sure the proposal is a surprise....just b/c you talk about it doesn't mean you have ask her right then or soon after.....ask her when she isn't expecting at all...

Answer 3

You have no idea what common law means do you? (1st Link.)

"Common law marriage is a marriage that results from the actions of a couple, despite the fact that they have not obtained a marriage license or fulfilled the requirements of a state's statutory marriage laws. This typically means that the couple has cohabitated for a period of time, usually a year or more, while having an agreement to be married and holding themselves out to the world as husband and wife."

Certain states allow common law, but all state recognize common law marriages that happened in other states.

Anyway, a long engagement is acceptable. And in your case preferred.

edit - due to extra info you have given. Since you are not in the USA, the info I have provided does not apply to you. But I am unsure as to where you are and the laws that prevail upon you. However, If you are considered common law in your country wouldn't that all ready make you husband and wife? And therefore have no need for an official wedding? (other than personal reasons and not legal)

Answer 4

I think it's just fine that you are going to wait. I think it's a great idea.
Finances are the biggest cause for divorce, and with the divorce rate up to 60% - there is absolutely no problem waiting 3 years.
My only concern is that your fiance is on board with this 3 year plan as well. If she is not it could cause problems. If she's ok - go for it!
I wish you both the best of luck!

Answer 5

Whats wrong with waiting and whats the rush? You guys are only 20. Wait until you are more financially stable to get married that would be a wise thing to do. Theres nothing wrong with waiting. Wow Erad wrote an essay!!!

Answer 6

I think if living common law is OK financially then there is nothing wrong with being married and "doing it right." I also think that being 20 years old and already living common law is a bit too young, but that's my opinion...Definitely by all means complete your program, but having a wife to support you emotionally would be even better, don't you think?

Answer 7

WOW! Any self-respecting woman would find it outrageous, possibly offensive, down right pathetic! No matter how beautiful a ring can be; The merit behind it is the hard work a man does from the sweat of his brow to make a life commitment to her. Find another means to make it up to her, the easy road is quick and cheap. The harder road will give you both respect & honor, which are needed to make any relationship stand the test of time. Best wishes!

Answer 8

What ever works for you. If you think you should wait then you should, that way it gives you guys a couple years to get financially stable that way you can save money to have for your wedding or honeymoon or for what ever you want to use it for. And you wouldn't have to worry about planning a wedding and worry about your school work to.

Answer 9

that's the smart thing to do, but if you get marry that's not gonna change at all, because you guys are living together already, or you could talk with your partner and then you guys could take the right decision, but do what you think is the best for you and your partner.

Answer 10

Yeah it's OK. It shows that you have a head on your shoulders and are thinking the situation through. There will be less pressure on the new marriage if you are more comfortable with where you are at in your life.