I'm being asked to bring my three year old to a Memorial service so my husbands extented family can meet her. We would like to show our respects but we don't want to prolong the day for our child by attending the luncheon after the services. Is this wrong?
2006-11-30 04:51:41 · 19 answers · asked by Ann G 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
just politely explain that she is tired.....i'm sure they would understand....
2006-11-30 04:54:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps leave the child with someone from your family for the service, and pick her up and take her to the wake.. It might be a little hard for a three year old to understand the gravilty of a situation like that and sit still for the whole service.. meeting extended family in a more relaxed atmosphere, such as a wake might be a little easier for you and for your daughter.
If people ask where she is at the memorial service, just explain that you wern't certain about bringing her along but she'll be at the luncheon afterwards to meet everyone.
Unless you don't want to attend the wake, in this case, perhaps this day is not the day for your daughter to meet everyone..
2006-12-03 07:55:07 · answer #2 · answered by evil_nykki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real question at hand here is why don't you want to go to the luncheon? Is it really to keep your child from having a prolonged day? I mean, we are talking free food and people. I would think the kid would hate going to memorial service but love going to the luncheon. Think about this. One side... memorial service on the other side... free food! Which would you like more as a three year old. Explain that you can't make the memorial service and go for the food.
2006-11-30 13:04:32 · answer #3 · answered by Reverend Jank 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well think of it this way, they are not going to be able to spend much time with the child during the actual service so attending the lunch would be better for that aspect. Maybe just go for a few minutes of the luncheon and then tell everyone that it's the child's nap time and you have to go.
2006-11-30 14:20:26 · answer #4 · answered by disneychick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all.
Be upfront with everyone.
When you get there, make sure that you let everyone know (in a polite and apologetic way) that you will only be attending the memorial service. That way they won't harass you about going to the luncheon.
Tell them that your three year old cannot handle a long day and is in need of a nap so that he or she will not have a melt down. Tell them you'd love to come otherwise.
You could even extend an offer, to anyone who is really insistent, to stop by for a visit at another time. That way they don't think you are trying to avoid that side of the family and they won't take it personally.
2006-11-30 13:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by soccermomw3 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well.. I've always considered that the luncheon, if there is one, is actually the family of the deceased's way of saying 'thanks for coming to the service - you might have had a long drive, so please eat before you go home'. In fact, when my dad passed and we opted not to do the luncheon, we wondered if people would perceive us as being rude for not feeding them after the service. Personally, I don't go to the luncheons. (And at my dad's funeral - we did viewing the night before and the morning just before the service - small toddlers were at the viewing, but they only stayed about a half hour - when they got too active or too noisy their folks took them home. The only one who stayed for the entire thing was my 15 month old nephew.)
2006-11-30 13:03:43 · answer #6 · answered by Arletta S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not rude at all. Both my parents passed away and half of the people at each service did not come to the get together afterwards. Give a polite explanation, BUT ALSO, bring along a boxed pie or cake (something you can easily travel with) to give to the family for the luncheon. They will consider it very thoughtful. Good luck
2006-11-30 13:02:21 · answer #7 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd say that it wasn't rude at all. It could be seen as an imposition on the immediate family if someone who wasn't that close insisted on attending the luncheon. I'm certain they'll be glad for your thoughfulness to attend the memorial services, and won't think poorly of your absence at the luncheon afterward.
2006-11-30 12:55:36 · answer #8 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If it's a sit-down lunch then skip out and say she's tired. Otherwise, go make an appearance, and then leave early. Ditto on people wanting to see the child, chances are a child will bring a smile to their faces at a time when a smile is more precious.
2006-11-30 14:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Attending the luncheon after is entirely optional. You know your child best, and if you feel that she would not do well, then skip it. If the relatives want to meet her, then another time and venue can be set up.
2006-11-30 12:57:48 · answer #10 · answered by I_Love_Life! 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should go to the luncheon. I bet the relatives would all love to meet your child. It will help lift their spirits. You don't have to stay all day, maybe just an hour, but poke your head in and say,'hi'.
2006-11-30 12:55:18 · answer #11 · answered by St. Toad 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋