Wedding etiquette?

Question

I'm getting married in April. For people who are single friends of ours, we're inviting them individually, since our numbers are limited, and they will know lots of people anyway.

My friend, however, just informed me that she's bringing a date. Shouldn't she understand that her invite didn't say "and guest" and get the hint?

How can I break it to her gently, or should I just tell her to stick it?

Answer 1

I guess tell her that there isn't room for another person. She should understand after you break it down for her. And let her know, "That's why it doesn't say 'guest'."

Answer 2

I took the time to look up what Miss Manners has to say concerning this matter. Link included.

"But the innovations that are most widely followed, even by those who resent them, are vulgar, impractical or nonsensical — and almost always expensive. Here are some that Miss Manners refuses to sanction:

That hosts must allow anyone who is single to bring along that ubiquitous person known as "And Guest." And Guest doesn't know the hosts or care about the wedding, and if left at home, would allow the person who was invited to meet someone better disposed toward the occasion."

Answer 3

First rule of etiquette, you don't want to cause a scene!! Don't tell your friend to stick it because then she'll be up in arms and may tell other guests what you said. If they are all close, then they may not come as well as you don't want that to happen!

Tell your friend that your budget is limited and you're guest list is already full. Inform her that the reason her invite didn't say "and guest" is because you and your fiance just couldn't afford it and you would appreciate it if she came alone.

Answer 4

I know that I am going to have the same problem, we have 180 on our guest list and I am sending out invites soon. For those whom I have not met their date or have not been dating for a significant amount of time I am not inviting them. FIRM. My fiance is also helping me out with this as he has a lot of single friends and most of mine are married.
Just remember that this is your wedding and you make the rules. If they come alone they will probably have more fun than if they had to look after someone that doesn't know everyone else. Good luck! I know it is going to be hard!

Answer 5

So I understand that your invites say just the name of these single people, and not guest, but etiquette would tell you alone that you are to invite said person AND guest. Just because she knows people there, doesn't mean anything. She wants to enjoy herself, be able to dance with her date, whomever that is. I agree with someone else who commented. Re-think your numbers, shuffle things around. Cause in this case, you're in the wrong. (Yes, your wedding is your wedding - but come on, how would you like it???)

Answer 6

I completely understand you inviting single friends individually. We're doing the same thing. I would just tell your friend that there's a limited amount of space and there won't be enough room to accomodate her date. Or if you have people that can't come then let her know then she can invite him but otherwise she'll be flying solo that night.

Answer 7

Some people don't get subtle hints like that...just try to gently tell her that due to limited numbers, the invite is for her only...if she does raise objection, just remember that it is your wedding and the rules are up to you and advise her that she'll know all kinds of people there...

if she is not understanding of this, you may have to withdraw your invitation...

Answer 8

Tell your friend that space and resources are limited and that the invitation was addressed to her, not to her and her friends. You want to share your wedding day with the people you know and love and don't feel comfortable with strangers at your wedding. If she doesn't accept that, then say, Look- it's very expensive to host a wedding and I did not open it up to strangers. It's just bad etiquette.

Answer 9

I would just straight up tell her. No dates. Explain your policy. Then, jokingly tell her if she's married or in love with this person before your wedding, then maybe you'll consider it.

I'm having the issue of people asking if they can bring 'so and so' and I haven't even sent invitations yet!

Answer 10

Explain to her that you are only having a limited number of people at your wedding and that you would not be able to accomadate everyone if they all brought dates. If she has a hard time understanding, tell her that you chose to have only your closest friends and family members present. Point out that there are other people there she will know. It might be a good idea to put some of these people at tables with each other, also.

Good Luck! And remember, it is YOUR wedding...do what YOU want!

Answer 11

Well you should just tell your friend in simple plain english

I DON'T LIKE YOU ENOUGH TO LET YOU BRING A GUEST

or perhaps

SINCE YOU ARE SINGLE AND I AM GETTING MARRIED YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF BRINGING A GUEST.

We kept the numbers down by not inviting a lot of people. Its pretty crass and rude of you to allow only married people to bring guests, unless you really are so shallow that you don't want to associate with single people any more.

Either way I am glad I didn't get an invite to your wedding, cuz the only way I would go is to drop off a really crappy gift for you (like a an gift card with a zero balance)